No. Let her join the peace corps if she wants to travel to the third world.
Hello, I’m 18 and a freshman in college, and even I think it would be crazy for a 15 yr old to go somewhere on their own like that!
I wish you were my kids friend
I called the school and they had NO IDEA who this woman was, and had NOT sponsired her to run this trip through the school, someone did give her permission to speak to a couple classes about her “outreach” work. She apprently takes a limited number of kids each year.
Well, it turns out the woman who is chaperoning the trip started going when she was 16 herself, she graduated the next year and started going every year to do some kind of Habitat for Humanity. According to one adult I know who knows her (knows her somewhat) says she has never really had any trouble down there {its the “really” part that freaked me out}
My daughter has not called me or her Sibs since the day she asked to go to Colombia. I always knew she would grow into a great adult, I just wish it was not the rest of her family that had the growing pains. I miss her SOOOO much, [SIZE=1]sorry[/SIZE]
[SIZE=3]ecb[/SIZE][SIZE=2] -thanks for all the hugs and support, I really need it.[/SIZE]
I agree that she should not be allowed to go. This comes from someone who is 20, and believes that everyone should travel as much as possible, at a young age. I traveled to Japan when I was 13 - but it was a well established program through my school and sister cities, and my host sister had been to our home the year before. Also, Japan is NOT Columbia, it was very well supervised for us kids (there were four of us in a group with 8 adults), and I am VERY responsible and strong willed - i.e. peer pressure has never been an issue. And, Japan is not Columbia.
I love to travel the world, but world travel has to be done intelligently, especially for the young. Perhaps she can find out about some better-established, better-supervised trips to safer countries?
I understand that she thinks that nothing bad will happen to her. All the statistics in the world will not change that, unfortunately, until she gets older. (I still have that attitude somewhat myself). She’ll be angry at you, but eventually, she will realize that you are right. (Don’t tell my mom I said that.)
I wont 
believe it or not, I was worse to my parents
and my mom still speaks to me 
ecb
As a recovering adolescent (I’m 23), I can tell you I would have thrown a fit if I were in your daughter’s position, but now that I’m older and wiser, I would admit that I was being stupid, if that makes sense. I’m so glad my parents didn’t let me do everything I wanted to.
Wow, what a lot of feedback! I say definitely NO. There are so many other interesting and beautiful places where people don’t get pulled off buses and raped or murdered. She’s too precious.
Where is your daughter? I’m confused. Anyway, I can’t believe this woman was setting this up and the school didn’t know about it. Hopefully they’ll keep track of things better now.
I was wondering the same thing. You say you and her siblings have not heard from your DD since she told you about the trip. Where is she? Did she run away from home because you said no?
15 is such a hard age. She is too young to be an adult, too old to be a child and too confused to know what is right for her yet. I wish you good luck, you may need it.
I assumed she was at a private boarding school of some sort, but you know what happens when you ASSume. :teehee: I also sort of thought you “missed” your daughter in the sense that…you miss the lovely young lady she used to be and still is underneath the horrid monster that is a teenaged girl. (Not that I was a total, raging expletive deleted to my wonderful parents or anything…:angelgrin::hiding:)
Stay strong, [B]ecb[/B], you know you’re making the right decision…and honestly so does your daughter. The intensity of her hissyfit shows that she was expecting a “no” (because it’s totally reasonable, hello!).
To Colombia… no way. I am 30 and I wouldn’t want to go there. It just seems too dangerous.
I was just in a model united nations mock conference where the country was represented and I sure wouldn’t want to go there!
Thank you
Yes I miss the kid who used to grab DVD and come in my room, BOUNCE on my bed begging if we could pop a entire box of microwave popcorn and watch a 4 hour movie al satuday afternoon instead of shopping and doing chores.
I miss the young woman who would call me to ask if her advice to her friend was sound or not, becasue I alway had the background info that she never would have thought of on her own.
and an update, I pulled my Daughter from her wonderful Waldorf high School in NH when the school did NOTHING about my concerns about her. I expressed concerns about her dating, they can do nothing about that, thats not such a big deal to the world i get that. Then it was the sneaking out of her dorm at night to go for walks, again, not a concern for them, they Know she is actually safe. The Jumping out the wondow got her a talking to that explained that that was something they were concerned about becasue she might hurt herself, so she stopped that behavior (they think). I expressed concerns about her cutting that SHE had told them about and they were doing Nothing to support her in any real way, and the kids in the support group she was put in were the kids she later started drinking with ON campus. then she stole alcohol from ME and took it across state lines to share with her other students and her Senior Buddies as a welcome home party. She informed me the school was already aware, so after that when i took her back to school I took her to the Dorm parents apartment to search her bags for more contraband. She was DEVISTATED, it seems that the suppot track crew from the school had NOT notified the Dorm parent about her Cutting or her drinking. It seems that there is a different level of ‘being in trouble’ if the Dorm parents are made aware than if you just break the rules and admit it in group.
it got worse before I clamped down on all this crap, and i SHOULD have pulled her in Mid October, instead I kept giving her breaks as long as each thing never happened again. I pulled her in may when she refused to take a drug test becasue she knew it would be positive.
Now she is living with a friend of mine in a town a few towns over, it is a compromise, she has assured (threatened) that if she is forced to live under MY roof with MY BS rules she will just run away. She has NO CLUE how to survive on the streets, I bairly survived it, and that was over 20 years ago. The funny thing is the home she lives in has stricter rules than I had. But she stays there, and follows all their rules and has passed every Drug test given her.
She is upset that she get so little time with her sisters, but she is not avialable, and when she is, they sometimes have other plans (somehow this is my fault) But she has a cell phone she can use, and her old E-mail account, and her old and new Myspace (both of which I know about). and she has pretty free use of the house phone (and the kids can call her any time they want, I do NOT restrict phone use other than on lines of RESPECT, and COURTESY) My kids actually asked me to STOP telling them to call her, so I respect that (although I still harass them to call their great-grandmother, their Grandmother, Uncles, etc).
Se would be furious about me Outing her like this, but she needs to learn to deal with her actions biting her in the butt.
ecb
You have my sympathy, having just had daughter problems recently. My oldest moved in with a friend’s family last summer after a fight with me, I finally got her to come home after threatening to come back with some cops. I didn’t know at the time (and luckily, neither did she) that anyone 14+ can decide where and how she wants to live, in our province, and her highness was 16 at the time. One of the problems today, as I see it, is that they are told over and over that nothing is their fault, and what their rights are. It’s good knowing that in cases of abuse, but our disagreement was over dishes, as in, I shouldn’t have to wash them after working a 12-hour day, while she and her sister were home all day dirtying them. Anyway, friends with daughters assure me that they do grow up and get better, so that’s some consolation. Although I do know a few people with middle aged daughters who are still miserable and nasty. Hang in there!
I had a ‘problem child’ as well, and I work with them now, too.
This is why I became a grandmother at 44. :teehee: The road since then has been extraordinarily bumpy in her case, but they do grow up. Stand your ground and be consistant. Get her some counselling if she’ll go, and maybe some for yourself.
Don’t beat yourself up, though. You didn’t cause all this.
I also had serious problems with my youngest daughter so you are not alone. Sometimes knowing that can help a lot. I agree with Ingrid on the counseling…with her if she’ll go, by yourself if she won’t.
BTW… my daughter is 28 now, just graduated from college last spring, has a steady job and boyfriend and is now a lovely young woman. Hang in there, it usually gets better.
I am in counceling, She agreed to go, had a single appointment, then never maked another. It is hard.
thanks for all your support.
ecb
I think sometimes we have to do the TOUGH LOVE approach. Let her know you love her. Don’t let her push your buttons! With my own kids, when they would get to that breaking point for me, I would calmly walk away, just say OH, or say, hey let me think about it.
Of course Columbia??? NO WAY!
I am so sorry you are going through this.
My daughter, now 23, put me through hell from the age of 12 until just recently. It was/is devastating. I raised 4 boys and when she was born I was so thrilled tohave a daughter. I had such hopes and dreams for our relationship. Life was wonderful til she turned 12 and then everything changed. Drugs, boys, alcohol. We went through it all.
She is now in graduate school and her life has turned around. She is doing well. I wish I could tell you that our relationship turned out as well but I can’t. It has improved, we love and care for one another. But I never again had the relationship with my daughter that I so longed for.
I am thrilled to have her sober, productive and happy but I grieve continually for what we missed.
My heart goes out to you and the years you have ahead.
As someone who was recently a 15 year old girl, now that I’m almost 20, I am beginning to understand why my parents did the things they did. It wasn’t always easy to follow their rules but I learned to bite my tongue and just do it.
Time changes everything and while it may take a lot of time for adolescence to wear off and for understanding to grow, it will happen eventually.