Should I Ask For a New Daycare Room For My Son? -UPDATE pg. 3

I have been very, very happy with the daycare my son has been going to for the last 2 1/2 years now, but today made me reconsider some things. My son was moved to the preschool room about a month ago and every morning he has thrown a fit, begging me not to leave him. He was not like this in his previous room. At first I thought he was just upset about leaving his best friend and that things would calm down after a week or two. So far, that has not happened. He keeps telling me he doesn’t like Miss Becky’s room. He wants to go back to Miss Holly’s room, which he can’t because he’s too old. Well, this morning has me thinking I may ask for him to be moved to the other preschool room because Miss Becky was in an extremely foul mood and seemed to be taking it out on the kids. Some of the kids were crying as they usually do on the first day of the week, but I knew it would be worse after a 3-day weekend. She had one kid in her arms and another on the floor who was crying and didn’t want to go outside. Well, she grabbed his arm, told him he was going to listen because she was the teacher and basically just started dragging him down the hallway. Now, it would be bad enough if she did this when no one was looking, BUT I WAS RIGHT BEHIND HER!!! She didn’t care if I was there or not. Now, to be fair, I don’t know this child’s history and maybe this is an every day event, but he certainly did not need to be treated in such a way. Now I’m wondering if my son doesn’t like Miss Becky’s room just because he left his best friend or if he might be truely scared of her.

I hate to cause conflict and as I said before, I love this daycare and everyone I have dealt with so far, but I just don’t know if I can leave my child in that room one more day knowing he may be the next one dragged down the hall!!! I know I can always use the excuse that he’s just not happy in there and he does have another boy he was pretty close with in the other preschool room and just ask for a change, but I feel like someone should know about this behavior.

What do you all think?

I would definitely say something. Tell the directors exactly what you saw. She needs to be reported. If she acts like that in front of parents, just think what she does when nobody is looking. Can you sit down with your son and have a heart-to-heart and see if there’s more to the reason he doesn’t like his new class? I know that it may be hard for a 2 year old to explain, but can he tell you that she’s mean or she hits or anything else? Can you pop in unannounced and see if anything suspicious is going on? I’d do whatever you can to make sure your child is safe and well-cared for!


This is YOUR child and you know him best. There is obviously a problem and keep in mind that these people actually work for you. Your son has gotten past the “losing friends” phase and you should NOT feel strange at all about asking, discussing, advising and requesting a change. DO NOT FEEL GUILTY about this!!! All of the lil bugers are different and unfortunately, don’t have directions/instructions attached at birth. Being a mother/father is a huge responsibility and we all made/make errors in judgement but go with your heart on this!

My granddaughter fell on the monkey bars a couple of months ago, causing temporary(we hope) damage to her front teeth. Her lip was cut, bruising around her mouth and her teeth went up into her gums. The NOW-EX-daycare workers didn’t even have the decency to mention the incident to my daughter or SIL, the child told them she’d fallen and her mouth hurt. When asked, they told her parents that they put ice on it. They should have called mom and/or dad IMMEDIATELY!

Speaking as a former childcare provider of about 8 years, this is [U]not[/U] excuseable, but it may not be entirely [U]her[/U] fault, either.

I think it would be constructive to go to the director and point out that perhaps there are too many children in the class to be handled by the one teacher. Tell the director that you are concerned that your child might not be getting the quality care and attention that you have come to expect from the school/daycare and say why if you feel you need to.

I was once blamed for something similar, despite the fact that the child in question was a difficult child who bit me. No, the teacher shouldn’t lose her cool, but I at least was in the situation where I wasn’t allowed to refuse to watch the child, which put me between a rock and a hard place about what I should do next. The other problem I had was that I was younger and probably not nearly as patient. All I am saying is to please think about it from all sides.

I think you need to go with your gut feeling. As a parent, that is something you often have to do. 2 1/2 seems young to me to be in a preschool room but that must just be the way they work there. If your child is unhappy and you have been a good customer, the daycare should be willing to work with you and switch your child back to give him more time to mature and handle the change. As you know, kids develop differently and don’t all progress at the same speed. Bottom line is you must do what you feel is right. You must follow your intuition in the matter.

Good luck! Let us know what you decide to do and what happens.

I agree with everything you had to say. There are too many children in her classroom. There are 25 and although there are 4-5 teachers in the room at one time, she is generally by herself when the children arrive. There’s alot going on in the mornings.

If there’s one thing about my personality that I pride myself on is being able to see both sides of a situation, even when one side is mine! Maybe she was having a bad morning, maybe there is a history with this child, I don’t know. But I think what I saw this morning may have a little more to do with why my son has been so adament about not going to school lately as this is new for him. He has always wanted to go to school.

Thanks again!

I have talked to him about it and all he tells me is Miss Becky makes him sad. As I said before, I was just waiting this out thinking it was a transitional phase, but from what he has said to me and from what I saw this morning, I think there may be something else going on.

I was wondering about his age and going to preschool as well. He just turned 3 last weekend, but there are kids as old as 5 in his room and I know that is a huge difference in toddler years! As far as his progression, I would say intellectually and physically, he is ready for preschool, but emotionally, I’m not so sure. Some of that may be my fault. He’s an only child and I’m sure I do baby him more than I should. If I had to go with my gut right now, I would ask for him to be moved to the other preschool class and if that doesn’t work, then maybe all the way back to the toddler room.

It sounds to me like you are quite the reasonable parent, which (believe me) is [U]always[/U] appreciated! :mrgreen: Kudos to you for being so willing to understand the situation.

If she is alone in the room first thing in the mornings, then that is most likely where the problem starts. As you said, there is a lot of stuff going on when the children arrive and just getting them all to entertain themselves or do the assigned activity while the other children are ushered in is a chore. 25:1 is in [U]no way[/U] an appropriate ratio for a busy time of day like that. Employee or parent, I would insist on having someone else there in the mornings.

If that happens and nothing improves, I think moving him would be perfectly reasonable because then you can say that you tried to compromise with the situation you are currently in and obviously it isn’t working out. If they don’t change things, then you’ll also know how they truly respond to a parent’s concern.

Also! :thumbsup:
I encourage you to learn about the ratio laws in your state. In Virginia, there are all kinds of laws about what the numbers have to be. When I was actually working in childcare, I [I]think[/I] it was something along the lines of no more than 6:1 for >12 months old; no more than 12:1 for 1-2 yrs.; and a similarly higher cap for 3+ yrs. As I’m sure you know, things like the occupancy restrictions of building and rooms also come into play. Know the state laws and know what that particular building is allowed and don’t let the organizers try to “skate” by with larger ratios. It is illegal and dangerous for both the kids and the teachers and should be reported. (Don’t even think about it from the discipline standpoint–think about it from a fire evacuation or similar incident standpoint. There’s simply a limit to how many small children one adult can keep organized.)

Well, she grabbed his arm, told him he was going to listen because she was the teacher and basically just started dragging him down the hallway. Now, it would be bad enough if she did this when no one was looking, BUT I WAS RIGHT BEHIND HER!!! She didn’t care if I was there or not.
[FONT=Comic Sans MS][COLOR=purple]You might feel this way, but you should never do it. [/COLOR][/FONT]

if he might be truely scared of her.
[FONT=Comic Sans MS][COLOR=purple]After seeing that and other things she has done when you NOT around.[/COLOR][/FONT]
[FONT=Comic Sans MS][COLOR=#800080]Duh, you think. I would be scared too.[/COLOR][/FONT]

Sorry in advance if I’m being too opinionated about this. :oops:

That is quite an age difference! My sister and I went to preschool as toddlers and did well with it. In the end, my mother was a teacher and then a director of the very same preschool. That particular one separates the children by age group so the classes are all 2 yr olds, all 3 yr olds, etc. Occasionally, a younger 5 yr old would still be in with the older 4s, but they usually “graduated” the 4s when they finished that last year and they went on to Kindergarden.

Anyway, I watched all of this happen growing up and as a teenager. When I have kids, I hope to be able to keep them out of preschool/daycare until they are 2 or 2 1/2, but I also know very well that that may just not be possible. Keeping kids grouped by age seems right to me, though. 2 yr olds who might still have potty accidents are very different from a child who is nearly 5. I think it depends on what you want your son to get out of it, how happy you really are with the school, and what (if anything) else is reasonable available to you in your area. Overall, it sounds like a good program where they try their best.

personally i think taht is so very very wrong, no matter what kind of day she’s having (and how bad could it have been AT WORK (before dosent matter) ) for something like that to happen, no matter if this child does this daily.
i think i’d talk to the head about what you saw, she may have a history of it you never know. i know if i saw taht being done to ds i would hit the roof. but patience about things like that arent my strongest point.

Its not a position you should ever have been put in, nor the childeren.

Good luck

I would talk to the teacher about it first- see what she has to say. Try (I know this would be hard!) to approach her in a non-confrontational way and explain how your son has been feeling, and what you saw her do. At that point you will probably have a feeling one way or the other about her- whether she is sincere and it was a one-time mistake, or whether that is her attitude all the time. Then you can go to the director and tell him/her your feelings and what you witnessed, and see what happens. For the sake of the other kids in the class, it would be good to make sure the director understands why you’re requesting a transfer.

I agree, that is too many kids for one classroom. You might check on your state’s laws regarding teacher/student ratio- if the daycare is not following the law, then that is something that should definitely be addressed.

I’m sorry you’re having to deal with this! Good luck, I hope you are able to get it resolved.

My daughter was a preschool teacher for years and they do get frustrated, but what you saw is unacceptable. I would discuss it with the director and ask to have another placement.

I just made an appointment to speak with the assistant director this evening when I pick up my son. Her and I have become pretty close in the last year as she was also Alex’s toddler room teacher. I feel very comfortable with her and I know I can be completely open and honest. I have decided to ask for a transfer to the other preschool room and if there isn’t a spot open right now I may even ask if he can go back to the toddler room until a spot opens up. I just wouldn’t be able to live with myself if I didn’t at least ask for a transfer. I know it may not happen tomorrow or the next day, but at least I will have the ball rolling.

I hope it works out for you, Stacy!

This teacher could be just having a bad day, but if she’s been there a long time it may be burn out and she needs a long vacation. :shrug:

It sounds like you found a perfectly balanced solution to the problem. Good luck! :thumbsup:

My thoughts exactly. She did seem a bit frazzled. I know everyone has bad days and can act out of character, it was just frightening to me that she was willing to act like that in front of another parent! We’ll see what happens at the meeting tonight.

Stacy, I’m proud of you. Parents have to remember that we are our children’s advocates. I look at it as MY responsibility to see to their best interests. There are way too many kids out there that many times their individual needs go unnoticed. Never be afraid or embarrassed to stand up for your children. It takes a lot of guts, but your kids will appreciate and love you for it later.


Unless they are teenagers

I had a situation similar happen to my eldest, and I was also friends with the owner of the day care center. My Daughter came home saying how other kids were being yelled at for asking to go to the bathroom. When I brought it to her, I was told she took care of it. For the next 2 weeks my daughter seemed to have suddenly become the worst disciplinary problem the school had ever had enrolled there. She had previously not been anything of the kind.
When I went back about the retaliation she was experiencing, I was told it might be better of we moved to another child care center.
Instead I cut back on my hours and took care of her at home, or used friends (we made a co-op)
Hope you have a MUCH better experience than I did