Need to vent

#1

ok, so i totally just need to let a load off my shoulder even though i know its somewhat selfish and i am being somewhat ungrateful.

So im only 19 for those of you who dont know, and im a full time college student, just to paint a basic picture

I used to have a decent cavalier in high school, it was ten years old, my biggest problem with it was i didnt have ac, but other then that i loved the car.
The cavy died back in october i think, and since i needed a car and we didnt really have any other option, i inherited my moms vibe. Now i know im really lucky to have such a nice car, being only four years old an all, but im just really frusterated with it. there are three main problems.

first, the car doesnt feel right to me, as weird as that sounds? I feel like a 40 year old driving to the grocery store in a wagon, and off to pick up the kids after school…(no offense to those of that maturity :P) I simply wanted to feel young and 19 in a fun little car like i did in my cavy. I just doesnt fit “me.”

second, i live in an area where everyone is spoiled. I see porsches, mercedes, audis, and all sorts of nice cars in a daily basis driven by my peers. i am NOT saying i want/need such a luxery car, i simply wish i could have at least somewhat of a choice in my vehicle, seing as i have to be in it every day. I had no say in the vibe, and it would have been nice to have a small choice, even if it were between two cars.
third, i still see it as “moms” car. As a hand me down i dont think i will ever be able to call it mine. Its just always been “her” car and i will always see it that way, and i want it to feel like “mine”

i would be totally happy with a honda civic, even a somewhat older one, or something similar. I know my parents would NOT let me sell the vibe for something i feel more comfortable in, so there is no point in talking to them about it which really frusterates me. I know im being spoiled, and ungrateful its just that im super disappointed by the whole mess. I was so excited to inherit it, and now its a mess of problems and just hasnt settled with me very well :confused:

#2

I’m 27 years old and my and hubby’s first car was and still is (for the last 1.5 years) a 1994 Peugeot 205. That’s a fun little car and about all we could afford. I don’t know how it is in US, but here a Cavalier is a family car and so is the Honda Civic. The poor college students have to be content with Fiat Punto or the Peugeot or something similar like Ford Fiesta. I think you’re really lucky to have parents who can just give you a car they don’t need and you should be happy that you can fit about 5 of your friends in there. Believe me - after taking the bus for a few times - you’d love your car.
I’m not trying to be mean, just to put things a little into perspective for you. For me it’s a wishful reality to get a car from my parents, especially when i paid for university myself and worked all the way through my degree. Maybe your reality is different and you come from a wealthy family and my opinion is completely irrelevant:shrug: Just my 2 cents.

#3

Well you can try to be happy with your free car, or go buy the one [I]you [/I]want. The Vibe is not an ugly car and it’s a lot newer and nicer than most people have. :shrug:

#4

I think you’re going to have to do what my kids will be doing, what my brothers and I did and what my parents did before me – get a job, save your money and buy whatever car you want.

Like KnittingNat, I worked my way through college and grad school and would have been beyond thrilled to have someone give me a car – any car at all. The thought of having been given two cars for my sole use by the age of 19 is beyond anything I ever dreamed.

I don’t want to pound on you, I know you’re just venting. Maybe you need to look at it from the perspective of the kids who don’t have the luxury of any car at all at your age. Given the choice between the Vibe and using the bus or your feet, I bet the Vibe will look a little better to you.

#5

i do use the bus for school just to let you guys know. i need my car to get to work since its further and my parents dont want me on a public bus at near midnight…

that and i work, i pay bills, and i have conditions for everything my parents do “give” me. my school is very expensive, funds for scholarships are at an all time low, and living costs are very high where im from, there is no way i would be able to do it all on my own thats why my parents help out where they can. and no, my family isnt wealthy by any means, but we are comfortable enough that i get mere pennies in student loans.

and since you obviously missed it, i would be totally happy with an older car that i liked better, and older means CHEAPER. i guess saving them some money doesnt count for anything? but hey what do i know, im only 19 right?

#6

I think you should be happy with the Vibe. My first car was a 1986 two door Cherokee with A/C that worked when it wanted to work. Looking back, I think my mom should have made me help pay for it.
I would have appreciated it a lot more.

#7

I’m 20 and I can’t even afford lessons let alone manage to run a car! I’m at University, I’m up to my eyeballs in debt and I’m not even qualified yet!!! By the end of my degree I will owe £21,000 and thats not including the interest (which was supposed to be around 2% but they have since decided to double it!!!) Sorry, University fees are a bit of a sore point. Hopefully I can get a summer job and then I can actually learn to drive.

Anyway, this probably isn’t very helpful but speaking as someone who doesn’t have a car I’d be happy with anything, so maybe you just need to change the way you are thinking about it. Maybe instead of looking at peers with expensive cars look at those of us who have to walk. You just have to try to see the bright side sometimes, at least walking gives me plenty of exercise.

Alternatively, a bit of decoration inside might make you feel more at home in it and you could just mention to your parents that you would feel happier with something else, its not that you don’t appreciate it but you just don’t feel as happy driving it as you did your old one. At least give them the opportunity to say no, they might surprise you if you present a good argument.

Otherwise get a job and start saving - its what I’m planning to do and what most of my friends did.

#8

No, I didn’t miss that. I said that you could be happy with your free car or buy your own, however “cheap” it is.

#9

I can feel for you, remembering my car that was light blue but the shine was worn off, so it was a matte light blue, the hubcaps were stolen…I had such a relationship the the mechanic, he’d tow me for free each time, bring me home and I sent him and his family a Christmas card one year! It was when I started smelling like exhaust all the time and people would ask if I drove the “stink mobile” that I started looking for a different car.

[B]But[/B] I was in grad school full time and working 30-40 hours a week on top of that. Sooooo…there are options. Save all the $ to get something else, THEN approach your parents about a trade in. In the mean time, knit some cool fuzzy dice and steering wheel covers, seat covers, and make that thing “yours!”

#10

I’m 40, I drive a 1993 Saturn SCII that I bought new. The tint is faded and peeling, the stereo is busted, the alarm is busted, and the paint is fading and flaking off. If you got a free car from someone and it doesn’t have those problems, consider yourself lucky. I consider myself lucky when the thing starts and I get home from wherever I’m going.

#11

Well this seems to be a sticky subject but I will put my 2 cents in… I am 20 my fiance bought my car and taught me how to drive. My parents would never give me (or buy me) a car. My car isnt great it has some body damage on the back side, we paid someone to fix it and they didnt have the right paint color so they didn’t paint it and the whole back side is green, I joke that I ran over Shrek. There are a million other cars that I would like to have but really a car is a car who cares? I think you should be thankful for what you have. Not just the car but your parents, they obiously love you very much and are trying to help you every way they can. There are a lot of people including myself that wish they had parents who cared that much. Anyway, I hope it all works out for you. :hug:

#12

I don’t think anyone missed anything at all. I think people are picking right up on what you’re saying.

How does selling a car they already own and buying another one save them money? Older doesn’t necessarily mean cheaper, by the way.

I understand you just want to vent, but, IMO, you’re running the risk of sounding like Paris Hilton complaining that she has a hangnail. From the responses you’ve gotten so far, it sounds like you have it far easier at 19 than many of the other posters here.

#13

I’m going to take what you said at face value- it sounds to me like you know just how lucky you are- but knowing that doesn’t stop you from feeling a little disappointed inside, and that is OK. You’re just trying to get that feeling out, I think, and that’s OK too! Sometimes a little bit of ‘getting it out’ can help you feel better about the whole thing- and I hope it did. :slight_smile:

#14

Princess, you don’t need to be defensive or anything. It’s just that this forum has many members who hasn’t been or are not as lucky as you are. Most of us work very hard, often while at college or grad school. Many of us save the pennies to pay the bills and rent. I don’t buy myself clothes, so i can buy some yarn. Many here have or had really hard life, there are some living on welfare for some reasons, if it’s medical or other. There are many here that give to charity or take animals off the street and spay/neuter them. Many have kids and pets and all the expences that go with that and some don’t have kids because of financial problems. We’re not attacking you, just trying to give you another way to look at your good fortune (touch wood :slight_smile: ). You could try and make the car feel a little bit more “yours” by adding some personal touch to the interior, as someone suggested already.

#15

I understand what you mean about a car not “feeling” like you. My dh and I decided to buy a minivan a few years ago, and it still doesn’t feel like me. I’m not even 30 yet…and I live in a college town. If one more 19 year old frat boy calls me ma’am…I may have to scream!:slight_smile:

But…I drive a mini-van because I have a 4 year old who has to be in a booster seat, and getting her in and out of the van is much, much easier than a car. And, my dh is a youth pastor, so we usually have a few teenagers in tow. It’s nice to be able to say, “Sure, we’d be happy to give you a ride.” instead of “Sure, we’d be happy to give you a ride. You don’t mind sitting on someone’s lap, right?”

Right now, your parents aren’t concerned with how your car makes you feel. It’s about how it makes them feel. They feel better because you are driving a safe, dependable car. They are confident that when you leave at night, you will get to your destination and home again. They aren’t going to be willing to sacrifice that comfort for a car with a more youthful personality and a less dependable reputation.

It’s okay to not like your car, and you know what? It’s even okay to complain about it. It’s normal at 19 to want something a little more fun, a little more funky, a little more youthful.

It helps when you are stuck with a car you don’t like to give it a name. A girl in my youth group hit a deer with her car this fall and now one of her headlights won’t fold down. She can’t afford to fix it, so she calls her car “Mr. Winky”.:wink: I call our van “Big Bertha”… Maybe a bumper sticker, or seat covers or a decal would help to make your car feel more like you?

Just remember to appreciate it sometimes too.

#16

I remember feeling like that when I was about your age (I’m 40 now). My parents were good enough to provide me with a running car (a 1984 Cavalier) but I wanted the cool car, the bad ride, the boy magnet. I wanted tinted windows and a loud stereo and fog lights. I didn’t get it, but I was still proud and thankful to be driving some sort of nice, clean, well-running car that didn’t get me laughed at.

The bad news is that your parents owe you absolutely nothing at this point in your life. It’s all gravy if it’s coming from them.

The good news is that this is just a phase. As you mature, you will begin to focus on other things that will make feeling “comfortable” in some kind of car or another seem trivial.

#17

thank you abbily! i couldnt have said it any better myself. Thats exactly how im feeling.

and truble, ummm paris hilton? wow thanks, im not even going to go there…thanks though

i never once said i have it hard, i never once tried to complain that the world isnt fair to me, i simply was a little disappointed, see abbilys post. I think its pretty unfair that everyone is taking this ONE fact, that i got a nice car from my parents, and are ASSUMING that i think i deserve better, and that i get everything else handed to me as well, because i dont.

and natrasha, not trying to be rude, but i honestly dont get that mindset, have kids and then at 18 just cut off all support? My parents had children, a LIFETIME commitment, they realize this and they support me, and always will when i need it. They do owe me, because they chose to bring me into this world and want me to have a good life. And when i have kids, i will owe them, and i will do what i can to give them a decent life, for as long as i have to. That is just my opinion though, thats just how my family views famliy. i would rather not start a whole other debate on that one, lol.

#18

I know I’m goint to ramble on so I’ll apologize now, but I saw me in you and just wanted to share. Please always try to put yourself in someone else’s shoes first before you get wrapped up in what you want. Which is what your story is about…what you wanted, not what you needed. Parents attempt to fulfull their child’s needs first and foremost and then, try to do what they can for your wants.

I’m 38 (for reference purposes only :wink: ). My first car at age 19, (I was working full-time mind you), which my parents bought for me, and which I loved, was a Mercury Capri that had a sunroof, great stereo, 2-door, power locks and windows, sporty looking little car. They paid a few grand for it, which stretched their budget, but they did it anyway. This car satisfied my and their need for a vehicle and my want for a cool car. I paid for insurance and this was the only car they would ever “spot me” - that was our deal. I was thrilled to have it. The only problem with it was…it didn’t like to run if there was weather outside. I mean that literally. I never knew if I was going to make it home or not. If it was raining I was stranded. You know, the kind of car that really ticks you off. You end up kicking the crap out of it while standing in the rain on the side of road. Cell phones were not as prevalent in those days so I was still walking for miles to call someone to “please come get me…AGAIN!” I burned myself by mainly going for my WANT of a cool car and not the NEED of a reliable vehicle that my parents were hoping for.

I begged my folks for another car. They couldn’t afford to do so, but it didn’t stop me from begging. I look back on that now and think what a selfish brat I was. I’m embarrassed by myself. Especially considering that when the car did break down they always helped me pay for the repair. That adds up real fast. I still thank them for all they’ve done for me and it was years ago.

They eventually agreed to co-sign on a loan for me and I borrowed some cash from my uncle (which I paid back promptly so as not disrupt family harmony -it was very generous of him to do so). At 21years old I bought what I could afford: a “super cool” 1990 Geo 4-door family sedan, automatic, no sunroof, no power locks, no power windows, but it was new and reliable and ALL MINE!!! I felt very grown-up and empowered and I never let my parents down by not making payments on it. I took care of that car better than the other one because I earned it myself. It lasted for 10 years and I really pushed it that last year. I cried when I had to part with it. I love having a car that’s paid off and still working.

At 31, I had to buy a new car. I WANTED a brand new Honda CRV. I could afford a used 1997 Honda Civic (2-door). Having a 2-door car is a real PITA, but it’s reliable and has never let me down. And I can fit all my groceries in the trunk, which is a total plus! Someday I’ll be able to get what I want, but for now, this’ll do me just fine.

What a car looks like is completely secondary. Give me a beat up station wagon that’s reliable over a crap-tastic Porsche that looks good any day.

We’re just trying to make you see that it’s all well and good to be given things and even if it’s not what you want at that exact moment you shouldn’t look a gift horse in the mouth. Your parents will do what they can for you, but you’re 19 and have no right to expect them to overstretch themselves for you. Your in the real world now. If you want a newer car, ask them to help you reach that goal. Co-sign a loan for you and ask if you can use the Vibe as a trade in. Or paint it. Please feel lucky that the car you drive gets you around safely and reliably. Someday you will realize that that is what your parents were doing for you. Put yourself in their shoes. Then go thank them.

You do have a right to vent, but I think we can voice an opinion about it too. I vent all the time, but hardly does anyone agree with me. Once they’ve given their opinion it sometimes changes my rant. A posting begs for a response in my book. I vent mainly in my car…to myself…so I’m always right. :roflhard:

#19

for some reason quoting wont work for me so i will just have to name names :stuck_out_tongue:

knittingnat, i understand what you are saying, but what none of you realize is that i have to pinch pennies too. When i HAVE to buy clothes, i get them at a consigment shop. I have a small budget for groceries, very small. I have at times thought of going to the schools food bank, but have decided that there are probably people who need it a little more than me, so i deal with my ramen everyday. I work 25 hours a week in addition to full time school. I know there are plenty of people who work more and have more on their plate, but i struggle with school so its a hard balance for me. And with the little time i have left i volunteer since i cant afford to donate to charity, i tutor english to foreign students, i volunteer at the local hospital, and last semester i did an after school tutoring program for the local middle school. I know what its like to not be able to make a credit card payment, i know what its like to struggle, maybe not as much as others here, but i have an idea. I dont understand why this one fact about a car is causing me to become this spoiled brat in everyones eyes and it really upsets me, yes im “lucky” but not enough to deserve all this.

im sorry i ever posted this thread

#20

And that, in a nutshell, is why I made the Paris Hilton comparison. They raised you for 18 years, provided for you, cared for you, did their best (I imagine, anyway). Anything you get after you turn 18 is gravy, IMO. A gift. A kindness above what is owed you. From my perspective - almost 30 years older than you – it is you that owe them now, not the other way around.

I have a 17 year old. He won’t be given a car, he’ll have to earn it. We have agreed to pay half the cost of one and he’ll pay the other half, plus all insurance increases and, of course, gas and maintenance. I believe that system will make him much more appreciative of what he has.