Hey knitting fellows! I see many people here are parents. I myself has no kids and am in that age thirty something when I am thinking more and more about having or not children. I am getting worried because I have caught myself thinking too often and too much about that. Sometimes it seems like something I do not want to try, and sometimes like something I might want. Most of my friends have kids or are willing to have them in the near future. I wonder if there is anyone out there, especially, females who have decided that they do not want to bring children into this world. :sun: Thanks!
:waving: Hi Jenny! I can’t say I’m totally decided, but for now, I’m more leaning towards not having kids. I don’t think I’m really attracted to the “mommy” lifestyle (I have nothing against it, it’s just not for me), I don’t think I would be a good mother, and I have a syndrome that I would prefer not to give to an innocent human being.
However, I do think sometimes it would be nice to have a “family”, but I think I’m projecting what I’m seeing around me as being the “right” thing to do. I’m 32, so I’ll need to take a decision at some point. But the way my life goes, it’s very unlikely I will have children.:shrug: I like children however, and I think I would prefer to give more time to my future nephews and nieces, and to volunteer in various causes involving children. So many children in this world are alone, poor, uneducated and hungry, I think I would be more useful to humanity by helping these children then by having “my own”. But of course, that’s my opinion! I’m always really happy when friends decide to have children, and I help them out when I can.
:)Hi Iza! It is very nice to meet you. Thanks for your reply. I think it is wonderful your willingness of helping less fortunate children. That is simply beautiful. I clicked in your “not so popular blog” haha and saw you are finishing your PhD. I am too! But I am now writing my dissertation proposal, so it will take me a bit longer. I hope you are done soon
Maybe because I am realizing that within a relatively short time I will be done with my education, I am thinking so much about to have or not to have children. Sometimes, when I think I want to have a quiet, peaceful life, enjoy my professional achievements, be free to use my time and space the way I want, then I feel pretty much like I won’t have a “family”. And I like it. Just like you, I have never pictured my self as a mom. I do not feel maternal, but only with my 2 cats And of couse some other times I start wondering what if… In any case, I like to see there are other women that are deciding not to be mothers. I feel identified and supported.
Hope to keep reading you around. I am new in these forums. Bon soir
I am 39 years old, and I have no children. I’ve never wanted them. It’s not that I don’t like them, I just never wanted them. My friends used to say “oh, you’ll change your mind…” but I never did. They’ve even implied that I’m a horrible, selfish person, but isn’t it better to admit that you don’t want them, than it is to have them, because it’s some sort of unwritten rule, then wish you hadn’t?
I’m 28 and will be having no children. Sent hubby off to have the snip earlier in the year so that’s all sorted.
I guess though I’m lucky because it wasn’t my choice to make, my health prevents it. I was sad about, but after posting a little rant on here everyone was so supportive I felt regret since.
Being put in this position has changed my prospective, a couple of my so-called friends dumped me just because I’ll never be in their ‘baby’ club. Better off with out that.
There are options if you change your mind later in life, like adoption, so many children need homes it’s something to consider later in life. Like My hubby says, we’ll consider it when we’re much older, wiser and richer!
Take your time making your choice.x
I’m 45 and have no children.
I never wanted to get married and didn’t want to be a single
I never even wanted to live with someone and all my friends
and family used to say I’d change my mind when I met the right man.
Just before my 40th I met that man but he didn’t want children. He’s in a wheelchair and was an only child so it wasn’t a big deal for him.
All that IVF treatment (the only way we could conceive due to his condition) just didn’t appeal.
I’m happy with my life and don’t feel desperate that I’ll never
be a mum.
Where would I have time with all my hobbies
I am 56 and got married when I was 31. Before we got married I made sure he was clear that I did NOT want children.
I am an only child of a man who walked out when I was 4 and a mother who just never should have been one. Consequently, I did not have the skills and luckily, I knew it.
Hubby #1 turned out to be an awful person and if I had to stay in contact after the divorce 'cause of kids I probably would have had a breakdown or two. This way he is well and truly gone:)
But I DO have my bee-yoo-ti-ful Rottie, Cyrus, and that works out perfectly for me! And him!
Even though I am a mom, I wanted to tell you that I totally support the decisions of those who choose not to have children. You know what’s best for you. Having children is not something you “try” out and can opt out of later (well, rather, you shouldn’t opt out of later). I would never stop being friends with a person just because they didn’t want to have a child either. Tsk, tsk.
Anyhow, that’s just my $.02, for what it’s worth.
my dh and i decide not to have kids…reason been we are travelling alot but if happen to get pregnant will be happy to be parent… we just leave it to god…i know you will get all arrow in the family …they will pressure u like why no kids… at least have one blah blah blah… say is easy than done… we are the one who will be taking care of them… some even thought that i cannot [B]conceive.[/B]…but they never get to me …cos it my and my DH’s happiness not theirs … not their decisions to make… they can think whatever they want… i just put them away when they bugged me too much… my mom even ask me to adopt…i told her “are u out of your mind”…i can give birth why adopt…it not that my machine is not functioning …she just don’t get it …but now she did not bug me anymore…she respect our decision…
people should respect others’ decision not having kids… just like we tolerate their babies crying in the store/restaurant/airplane…it all living together harmony on earth… u know in your heart what works for u …kids or no kids… above is my own opinion… i do not mean to hurt anybody at all…thanks
I have 2 beautiful boys whom I love dearly and I don’t know what I would do without them. They fill up my life in such wonderful ways. That being said, being a mommy is sometimes exhausting and frustrating. If you do not want children, you shouldn’t have them. You would be miserable and so would your children.
I have read of a group of couples in my local area who are childless by choice. Maybe there is something like that in your area.
Well, time (my age) and circumstances (my body) conspired against me. When I was younger, I thought I’d like to have children–I’m talking 20s here–but as I got older and got to know [B]myself[/B] better, I realized I would not be a good parent. Don’t get me wrong–I love children–I have a niece and a nephew whom I love dearly–but I just don’t feel like I have the patience, skills or understanding to raise a child. That was VERY hard for me to accept for awhile–admitting one’s faults and weaknesses can be–but its for the best. So I just love my niece and nephew to pieces and am satisfied with that and knowing that THEY are great kids!
I never wanted children. It was not that I had a bad childhood or came from a broken home, I just didn’t want them. Nor did (or does) my husband.
We both teach, so it is not that we don’t like kids. I enjoy being around children - for short periods - like a 1/2 hour music lesson :note:
Now my brother and his wife have 6 adopted children, so I kid him that he got my maternal instincts as well as his own paternal ones.
I agree 100%!!
I decided I didn’t want kids too… right after mine became a teenager! LOL. Just kidding! I love my daughter, she is so much a part of me and that makes me very happy, BUT I’m a firm believer that just because you are a woman doesn’t mean you should be a mom. There are plenty of so called moms out there that should have never become so. I’m also not saying that not becoming a mom means you would suck at it. Do what makes you happy.
Since children cannot be returned like shoes, do not have them unless you truly want them. I have two, and would not be “me” without them. I would probably be saner, thinner, richer, and employed:roflhard: if I had not had them, but I would not be happier. Having or not having children is very personal, and be selfish and do what is best for you. If your friends and family do not like it too BAD.
I’m 40, been married 15 years and am childless by choice. I never liked kids (there I said it :teehee: ), don’t like other people’s kids, never played with dolls, and have never really thought much about not having kids. Oh sure, I’ve had the thoughts about who will take care of me when I’m in the nursing home but there’s no guarantee a kid would be there and that’s no reason to have a kid anyway. I’m happy, my husband is happy and we’ll let the rest of the world have the fun of raising children. :clink:
I think for some folks, they just don’t like the idea of babies. All that crying and poo. So they choose to adopt an older child. There’s so many kids out there that need someone and I think it is a really noble thing to adopt an older child. But hey even older kids are not for everyone. And that’s the thing about a woman;s right to choose. She has the right to choose what is best for her. And if folks can’t deal with her choice then it’s thier problem not the woman. So I aplaud you for making a well informed choice.
My answer is a bit different. No and Yes. I have two kids. I wanted the experience of having a baby and being a mom. But it’s really good that I managed to just get pregnant because neither my husband and I were too excited about planning to make a baby. I still don’t get how one would want to plan to get pregnant. Anyway the pregnancy went well and my son was born. Unfortunately he has complex health issues and in many ways he is still a difficult though wonderful child. When he was 2 I was exhausted and felt I was still recovering from the birth. We changed our whole lifestyle with a move and job changes when he was 3. We did not want to have any more children in that I did not want to be pregant and exhausted like that ever again. And we were concerned about the potential for another child having health issues.- I wasn’t getting any younger. And we really didn’t see any need to further populate the earth. And besides, if we were going to go to all that trouble I wanted a girl. So, our daughter is adopted. We [I]did [/I]have to plan that and even that [I]was[/I] a bit scary. However, I was never overly exhuasted with her. She is healthy and still way easier than my son who is 12, she is 7. At any given time there at least 1 million children in the world who’s birth parents have relinquished their rights and are waiting for adoption. 500,000 in the US.
My brother and his wife waited 10 years to have kids, at first my sis-in-law particularly didn’t want them. But lots of their friends had kids and I guess she changed her mind. My brother is 5 years older than me but his wife is my age. So she was about 34 when they had their first. Frankly they are not the best of parents, they do what needs to be done but are not really good about one on one quiet time and finding enriching activities. They both work full time and try to juggle the kids around all that. My kids are not always perfect but theirs behave terribly at times and it is quite clear they don’t mean to be bad, it’s a bid for attention or simply not knowing better. So based on that, unless you really change your mind for your own good solid personal reasons don’t have kids. And especially don’t if your reason is because everyone else is.
I’m 26 and still don’t have kids, but i definitely see myself having at least two (I still remember how i wanted my parents to make me a sister - glad they listened to me). I do accept the fact that there are many people that don’t want children and i think it’s their right to decide on that and i’m glad that many couples do a lot of thinking. I respect the will and the choice not to have kids:thumbsup:
Me and hubby talk a lot about it and sometimes i come up and wonder why have children - they mess with your body, take away your free time and empty your wallet, but then i know that I’m a very maternal person (though i hate, really hate most of other people’s kids) and if i won’t have a kid (mine or adopted), i’ll regret it for the rest of my life. I do hope that after having a kid i will still have my perspectives and don’t think my child is the center of everybody else’s universe. I also think that many couples that decide to be childless by choice could have been great parents, just because they THINK. A little story to end this post - I knew a woman once who’s husband was petrified about having kids, having a bad childhood and a bad father. He refused to use protection and monitored his wife’s periods, to be sure he’s safe. Well, life is funny, and after about 10 years she got pregnant. And guess what - he was a really good dad after all.
I love babies. I love toddlers. I love grade school kids. And now that my kids are teen agers… I’d love to throw myself off a cliff!