:roflhard::roflhard::roflhard:
I still remember being one :teehee:
:psst: [SIZE=1][COLOR=Silver]It gets better, my girls and I are good friends now.;)[/COLOR][/SIZE]
I think the most offensive term used to describe childless by choice couples is “selfish”. I cringe when I hear that.
I am 36.5 yrs old and am undecided. I’m raising a stepson who is now 14. our choice to not have another is mainly (like 95%) financial. there’s no way we as a family can stay afloat if I quit my job to stay home, nor do we have an extra $1500/mo for daycare.
I applaud and give many props to those who choose not to have children.
I also applaud and give props to those who have children, make the children a priority, and try their best to be good parents and role models.
right on. agreed. 
I’ve been called selfish. her exact words were, “oh, don’t be selfish. you will ALWAYS find some money if you try hard enough.” my response was, “until you pay for daycare, diapers, formula, food, and clothing for my baby, you have no f**king right to judge me.”
I’m 23, and have known for a very long time that I don’t want kids of my own. I was an only child for 10 years, and then my brother came along. He was the best birth control i’ve never known. Still is too! He’ll be 13 in December. My best friend has 3 kids, 8,6 and 2. When the littlest was 6 months, we started hanging out a lot, so now she calls me Auntie. It’s the best. But, I know that if I feel the need to be mothering, I can borrow her kids whenever I need to. She loves the breaks!
But as to my own future, I would rather adopt than bring another child into this world. There are so many wonderful children already out there that need good stable homes with loving parents. I would rather take in a whole slew of foster kids, and know that I’ve made a bit of difference in their lives. 
I don’t think anyone should EVER have a child because it’s the “thing to do”. Who ever decided it was the end all be all ANYWAY???
Good for you for knowing what you want and doing it (or not doing it as the case may be). I love my children dearly but now that they are grown and on their own I love my freedom dearly.
my best friend is a wonderful fun person who doesn’t want kids. She loves her fiance’s grandkids (he is 25 yrs older) and my dd. when i was having fertility issues and i was in the midst of getting tested and poked and examined, she said if i needed it, she would carry a baby for me. (
her) I think it’s wonderful she recognizes she doesn’t have the patience to raise a child, nor the desire to. I think it’s selfish for someone to have a kid, KNOWING they are impatient or selfish. She is the most generous person i know. I wish more people were that aware of themselves.
Here’s what type of thing frosts me. My neighbors are in their late 20’s early thirties. She’s a teacher, he works for the welfare dept. Both have stated in the three years we’ve known them that they hate kids, don’t want kids, etc. Now, she’s about 7 months pregnant (I’m guessing because she’s been hiding inside and hasn’t spoken to anyone about it). She hides in the house because she’s embarrassed she’s pregnant after she told everyone they would never have kids. He’s as cheap as they come, won’t let her buy curtains for their front window and they have very little furniture because he doesn’t see a need for it. They share a soda when they go out to dinner because they can get free refills and just buy one. Now they are having a kid which was an obvious mistake.
Not all that choose not to have kids are selfish. Some that choose to have kids are.
Thank you all for your posts:muah: I REALLY enjoyed reading all of them. I really felt supported and like I am not alone liking the idea of not having children. My man is much older than I am and he had 4 children who are all grown ups now with their own lives and kids of their own too. So, it is not like he doen’t know what is to be a father. But, he is one of those who uses to say that I will love it when I have a kid. I have talked to him and he understands my reasons to be inclined not to be a mother. But still takes any opportunity to insert a comment here and there.
Some of your posts in fact made me realize that I don’t like most of my friends’ kids either :roflhard: Hhahaha I mean… I don’t even feel like saying “awww she/he is so cute”. I don’t say it because I know I would be faking something I don’t really feel. I know what you mean when you say some parents think their kids are everyone else’s center of the universe. I have a “friend” who thinks her 2.5 years old daughter is the best girl ever born. That same “friend” has said that she know I will end my days old and lonely. Well, we’ll all be old. And I am a natural loner. :teehee: As someone mentioned in a post, having children doesn’t garantee that they will take care of you when you are old or that they will be with you when you are sick. I know many cases where the old parents only have each other. And the children? Taking care of themselves or their own businness.
I really feel maternal when I see a kitty lost in the street. I just want to hold him/her and make him/her feel better. I don’t take him/her home because my 2 cats are not that willing of sharing me :chair:
Anyway, while I am still undecided I really enjoy reading your experiences as childless human beings because I feel empathy. And those who have children, thank you for your support too. 
Thanks so much for sharing with me.
:roflhard:That is me! In fact, I’ve often asked my husband if I’m wierd because I don’t have the ‘mother’ instinct that most women seem to have. He tells me that I do have that instinct, only it’s for lost cats. I think he’s right, because I’d fight someone to the death if they tried to hurt one of my cats.
BTW. Thanks for starting this thread. It’s helped me to see that I’m not the only one who, by choice, doesn’t have children.
cloud9 hi jdee! You’re very welcome. I HAD to start this thread I needed some support!
It can be crazy for some people the way we feel about cats, but that is just the way we feel. I would defend my kitties the same way you would against anyone or anything!
I am 39 and was never blessed with children. I have always wanted them badly. I’ve been through an endless number of infertility tests only to find out that the issue is not mine. It was sad when we came to the realization that we would never have children as I have always thought that I would make a wonderful mother, unfortunately I am destined to be a mother to my 42 year old dh who refuses to grow up and a 14 year old cat that I am terribly allergic.
Kids? I had no idea goats would be such a popular topic here. :out:
Kids? I had no idea goats would be such a popular topic here.
I took some Tylenol PM about 90 minutes ago and had to read that sentence FOUR times before I got it. Oy! Moving on…
I’ve known I would never have children since I was 13 years old. I just knew. I met my DH when I was 19 and plainly told him, “Don’t get serious about me if you want children because I WILL NOT be having any.” We’ve been married over 18 years and have never regretted being child-free.
That said, I love it when friends and acquaintances get knocked-up so I can make baby blankets and bibs and stuff. :mrgreen:
:roflhard: That’s the best chuckle I’ve had all day.
What an interesting topic.
I don’t have children and never wanted any. I was a complete tomboy as a child, I played with boys, climbed trees, traded marbles and refused to wear dresses. I have [U]never[/U] dreamt about “my perfect wedding”, because I don’t want to get married. I’m the anti-girly-girl. I did have a maternal instinct back in 1989, when a friend started making really ugly but squishy dolls. Hugging the doll, I did feel a warm, loving feeling, but that passed quickly.
Here’s the thing, though. You know when you’re busy reading a newspaper or magazine and your cat comes out of nowhere and flops down right on the spot where you were reading? When you don’t want a cat, they’re suddenly all over you. Kids are like that with me. They somehow sense that I don’t like them, so they love me. I once met someone’s kid, and within two minutes he brought me his Spiderman suit so I could undress him and put the suit on for him. Me! Complete stranger, faced with nude little boy and having to wedge pudgy toddler legs into lycra. Utterly bizarre.
Just yesterday I went to lunch at a little Indian restaurant. There was a toddler who simply latched onto me. He started handing me tubes of incense from the adjacent shop. I appreciated that he listened to my instructions, when I held the box against his nose and told him to “smell”, he did. Well trained little chap. Luckily his minder removed him after he had handed me nearly all the incense tubes in the box (I put them back after making appreciative noises like “hmm, very nice, hmm, lavender”).
This kind of thing happens to me all the time. On a little side note, are you ever handed a baby and even though you know how to hold one, cradling the neck and so on, it just doesn’t feel right? I think I must look like the most uncomfortable baby-handler ever. And what do you do once you have it? I sit around with it until it starts gurgling or making those pre-crying noises, then I hand it back in a hurry. :shrug:
My boyfriend and I are now in our fifth year together. He’s ambivalent about having children. (Hehe, checked the spelling of that on dictionary.com and the example on there is: “was ambivalent about having children”) He is very focused on his career right now, but he did say that we will be financially ready for kids in about four years.
When I bring up the subject, about twice a year, he suggests looking after someone else’s child for a bit. I always point out that I don’t [B]like[/B] other people’s kids. It’s not that I want to hold or smell a baby, I just want to be good at one more thing - parenting. I see children in stores being scolded for crunching up their cheese curls (puffy crisps) instead of eating them and I totally identify with the child. The texture of the food, the sound it makes when it crumbles, I’d love to sit my kid down with buckets filled with different substances and just play. But once again I’m not thinking about the kid at all, I’m thinking “ooh, I’ll be such an awesome mommy!”
All my friends are popping kids out left and right. The kidlets appear to be accidents, they’re getting married after the fact and some are divorced after as little as two years together. I did complain to my boyfriend about all the babies and he pointed out that intelligent and highly educated people only start having children in their early 30’s (I’m in my mid-20’s, he’s almost 30). I feel better now.
I can live without children, but I am curious as to what my boyfriend and I could conjure up together. I admit I’m thinking along the lines of this guy:
I’d like to have a little one to pass my skills and knowledge on to. My boyfriend has ADHD, as does his brother. I am worried that our baby will have that too, but I guess IF we have kids and they are hyperactive with low attention spans, I’ll just not take them to the supermarket.
My mother is pressing me for a grandchild, she says I must have one and just drop it off at her house, she’ll raise it. I’ve been telling her all along that I don’t want children and she is well aware and prepared if that were to happen (or not happen, as it were).
Also, we’re currently living in South Africa and the school system here is completely rotten. I couldn’t send my kids to any of the schools here.
So right now I’m a “maybe” - I don’t want to rule out the possibility. There is a photographer on flickr whose photo’s I love. He travels a lot and takes his enchanting little girl with him often. When I look at his precious moments, captured so tenderly, I do think “Hey, I want some of that”. But do I want the kid, or the pretty photographs? Or someone tiny to knit for? 
I recently read an article about how people tend to overshare with strangers. I know I’m guilty of that now, but you’re all so nice and I certainly can’t discuss this with my friends, while they’re holding babies. I know this is a lengthy post, but I’m going to say yours are too short, mine’s just right. :clink:
Here’s the link to one of my favourite pictures from that photographer, of his girl, Isoline, at bedtime.
Kids? I had no idea goats would be such a popular topic here
Originally Posted by zazzu
I took some Tylenol PM about 90 minutes ago and had to read that sentence FOUR times before I got it. Oy! Moving on…
well… I still don’t get it :??:shrug:
shouldn’t that be unpopular seeing how it’s about not having any:wink:
Oooh, my post is really very long, and I didn’t even add my rant about “you are selfish for not having children”. How’d that happen, when all I wanted to say was “hey, don’t want 'em either, you’re not alone”?