How do you go shopping with a guy? I’m going shopping with DBF after work tonight and I predict that it will be a frustrating and possibly fruitless endeavor. He hates shopping and compares it to getting a root canal. We are allowed to dress casually at our workplace, so he’s happy in jeans and sneakers. Add to that the fact that his mom still buys a lot of his clothes (he’s 23) and he’s never had to worry about shopping.
I would normally just not deal with it, but we have a company function on Monday and I’d like him to at least get a shirt or something. And a pair of slacks. And shoes. Dress shoes. He only has one pair of shoes. Hiking shoes/sneaker type things that are slowly going; one of the loops that holds the laces has snapped. I think if he just gets one pair of dress shoes he doesn’t have to do it for another five years because he can just wear them whenever he needs to dress-up a bit. Like, you know, at Christmas or when we go out with family or at work functions.
Anyway, I am going to try to make it as quick and painless as possible but I don’t really know how. I’m not sure what he may look good in except his usual jeans and Gap sweater. I don’t really know what men wear for smart-casual or formal events. I know when a guy looks good but I couldn’t put together a man’s outfit without a lot of help. I’ve tried to go shopping with him before but he looks like he’s in so much agony I’ve given up and just gone home empty-handed. And I’ve only done this twice in our two-year relationship so it’s not like I’m always dragging him to the mall against his will.
I guess I’m just looking for advice or a listening ear or something. I know you can’t make a guy [I]like[/I] shopping, they just don’t like it. I’m terribly grateful that I have a boyfriend who isn’t vain and into expensive clothing like some guys, but the flip side of that is getting him to dress up makes me feel like a bad, evil person.
The men I’ve met have only actually willingly gone shopping when they can go in like an Army manoever - they know what they need, where they can get it, and what colour it needs to be.
Smart-casual can be a shirt (long sleeve) over a neutral colour t-shirt, slacks and decent shoes. Formal is button-up shirt, dress slacks, tie and maybe dinner jacket. Mind, I’ve learnt what I know from Queer Eye for the Straight Guy and Extreme Makeover !
If he throws up a fuss, get him to get his trousers, jackets and shoes himself, then buy him some nice shirts next time you go out alone. Failing that, set him onto the gap.com website, get him to point stuff out he likes.
Do I ever understand you! My ex boyfriend was TERRIBLE for that. Luckily my current boyfriend has a lot more taste. He hates shopping, but at least he can recognize more or less what looks good on him and how to dress in various occasions. It’s good enough for me! :teehee:
You are totally right, a decent pair of shoes, pants and shirt can be used for so many things. Since he hates it that much maybe he should go for something simple - maybe a black pair of pants (good for a wedding, funeral, interview or dinner in a restaurant :teehee:) and a nice, not too formal shirt. With that he will look ok in most situations. A suit and tie is always a good thing to have for a man, but I know how much it can be hard to convince them of that! :teehee:
You can’t change him, make an exact list of what he needs right down to the aisle it can be found in and the amount of time it will take to find it. Save your sanity!
I have lost all of my shopping gene since getting married. I used to have my sister in law to go with me but since my brother’s divorce I lost her as a sane partner. Now, I am in full combat mode when I have to shop for clothes, just like a man. I hate to shop because my husband is always with me lurking around like he has to go to the bathroom, looking at his watch, shifting his feet. I make a mental note of exactly what I’m looking for and a substitute in case I can’t find it at the one store I pick out for my torture. I then find the item, try it on, pay and leave in a total of 20 minutes. I seriously need a shop friend. :roflhard:
some clothing sites show entire outfits you can look for and/or buy. I think Gap does it. Land’s End too. having a plan really helps.
(but I’ll admit, I buy stuff for my hubby w/o him ever coming along. if I’m concerned about a size issue, I buy 2, and return the one that doesn’t fit. since he hates shopping he doesn’t complain.)
You mean an enabler? :teehee: I have one of those. Well, two really, but one of them is my mom and we don’t live in the same country. We do go crazy when she visits. Hehe. I don’t go shopping often unless I really need stuff, but I do enjoy it on the rare occasions that I go with my enabler. It takes me a while to get warmed up to the whole idea of spending money but I eventually get into it. She usually spends more than I do though and it sometimes feels as though I end up buying stuff so she doesn’t feel so alone in her purchases. Weird, I know.
Good thing I shop for yarn online or on my own though.
Where to begin … I had to dress my brother when he got his first job and we went all chino’s, polos, button down shirts and a nice pair of brown leather clarks. As for your BF’s mother still buying him clothes at 23, my MIL is still buying the hubby clothes and he’s 31…I don’t complain b/c it saves me all kinds of money and the agony of shopping.
What I have learned over the years is DON’T ASK QUESTIONS - say “try this on with this and this” Then counter with “it’s a keeper” or “nope, try this”. DO NOT ask his opinion…
I also find that shopping later at night or on a Monday our stores have fewer people in them so I just walk right into the changing room with him (sometimes he doesn’t try everything on !!)
Good Luck :roflhard:
I have this problem too. My dh hates shopping AND is extremely picky. Everything I pick up is either too short, too long, or has a logo on it. So, buying things myself and then bringing home doesn’t work any better :wall: .
But, I have found one thing that does work: compliments. When your dh or dbf tries something on and you really like it, tell him how handsome he looks. Because really that’s why he’s at the mall in the first place: to look good for you.
This is true! The easiest way to deal with an unwilling shopper is to take command. Think of it as a military operation where you have to carry him off the battlefield, wounded and in ratty clothing…
And be glad you don’t have my DH. I won’t let him go into Walmart anymore because it’s a never ending chorus of: “Look at this! It’s cheap!” and then I say: “What would we do with that? We don’t need it and it’s ugly.” “But it’s cheap!” Oy ve.
Thanks for that piece of advice! I’ll have to keep that in mind. I usually try to be the nice person because I don’t want to push him, and I’ll ask him if he likes this or that, or whether it’s comfortable and he usually shrugs because he doesn’t have much of an opinion on these things. Maybe if someone takes charge we’ll get through quicker. Things can always be returned anyway if we decide he doesn’t like them after all.
As it was mentioned earlier, Keep it simple. I, like other guys, do not care to spend more time in a store than absolutely necessary. Not because there isn’t anything I’d like, but more to the fact that most guys have better things to do than to shop.
It could be my boyfriend who shops the clearance rack and buys what he likes… EVEN IF IT DOESN’T FIT!!! He has XXXL shirts, and then sweatpants from the boys department that don’t fit either. Thank GOD he doesn’t wear them outside the house. He reads this now over my shoulder and says “Well, they’re on sale.”
hehe I have a friend who does that, and it’s not just clothes either, he’ll buy something whether he needs it or not, because its “on sale”. I once found a perfectly good toaster that he was throwing out because he never used it, and that was his reply when I asked him why he bought it in the first place.
I just wish I could get my husband to get RID of some of his stockpiled stuff so I can replace it with new. I buy a replacement belt for one that he’s worn to the point of the leather splitting? I replace the raggedy one with the new one on his belt keeper thing in the closet and toss the old one on the box of stuff that’ll be either thrown away, sold, or donated. The next time I look in the closet he’s put the broken one back on the belt keeper. I just don’t get it.
He’s the same way with the television he had before I moved up here. It’s smaller than the one we have now, has a built in VCR, and weighs a ton. It’s in a closet. Guh.
I have this problem with my DH, I use bribery! He gets to go in the nice big book shop at the end of the trip, he gets 10 mins for every clothes shop.
I recommend black or dark pants, if he doesn’t like the idea of a shirt and tie, get a smart t-shirt/ polo shirt and dress it up with a nice jacket.
My DH refuses to own a suit, I have tried but some men just don’t feel comfy in them. He now has 2 smart jacketss, and a few smart t-shirts that are worn for best. A rollneck sweater could be nice too.
I feel your pain, my husband just got rid of his Miami Vice look alike pants and that was only after I pulled them out of the closet and repeatedly said “no” to him. He has this aversion to throwing stuff away. There must be 25 stained t shirts in his drawer because “those are good for yard work”. Unless I’m never doing laundry again, he only needs one or two stained tshirts. I know it’s bad but sometimes I just do it myself, he doesn’t notice. :roflhard:
I prefer to go shopping without whichever male I’m shopping for: get their sizes, know what colors look good on them, buy the stuff, bring it home, let them try it on there and return what doesn’t fit. Much much easier. Then again, just about all the men I’ve shopped for hate shopping so much they won’t even buy their own socks and are thrilled when sister/girlfriend/mother/spouse buys them for him.
So, in this case, I’d head to someplace like Penney’s, find a nice pair of slacks, a dress shirt and tie, a jacket for formal occasions, and a sweater for not-so-formal occasions. I’d probably order the shoes from Zappos (free return if they don’t fit) so he wouldn’t have to go there, too. He’ll have his new clothes, and won’t have to set foot in a store or make any decisions between items I’m sure he sees as identical.
Don’t feel badly, my dh is 59 and his mother and sister STILL buy him clothing. It is usually something too big and not really a nice style. I have taken over and take him to the store. I pick the clothing, send him to the changeroom and when he comes out I say either “yes that make you look wonderful” or “go try the next thing on”. Then when he comes out with the clothes, I just drop what I liked on him into the cart and away we go. He usually does not complain and he sure does look better now that I am doing it! Good luck!!!
I just don’t get it.