OT: Saturday laughs: Give us your knitting joke

A woman is knitting as she drives. Pretty soon, her speed has crept all the way up to 95 mph–and she passes a parked police car. The car gives chase. Officer Bob turns on his siren, but the woman, oblivious, doesn’t notice him. Finally, he pulls up alongside her car and yells, "Pull over! PULL OVER!"
She looks at him, looks at her knitting, and yells–
“NO! It’s a CARDIGAN!”

Three women were in the waiting room of a gynaecologist, and each of them was knitting a sweater for their baby-to-be. The first one stopped and took a pill. “What was that?” The others asked her. “Oh, it was Vitamin C - I want my baby to be healthy.” A few minutes later, another woman took a pill. “What was that?” the others asked. “Oh, it was iron - I want my baby to be big and strong.” They continued knitting. Finally the third woman took a pill. “What was that?” the others asked her. “It’s Thalidomide,” she said, “I just can’t get the arms right on this freaking sweater!”

That’s just sick. I don’t know whether to laugh or not. Oh what the heck :roflhard: :roflhard:

:muah: :hug:

Nadja xxx

You should have given us a spew warning. Now I’m wiping Coke off my monitor. It’s sick, but evidently I find sick funny.

I hate to admit it but I just broke down and looked up Thalidomide b/c I didn’t know what it was (my age perhaps?)…the joke makes much more sense now…

Here’s a site w/ several cartoons…

:roflhard: :rofl:

Oh man, where’s my handbasket?
Hahaaha…that’s one of the most twisted (read:BEST) jokes I’ve heard in awhile.

Ok, how’s this:

On acrylic yarn
The following is the verbatim text of a Red Heart ad from a 1974 Mademoiselle magazine.

"We know that hand knits knitted with Coats & Clark Red Heart ‘Wintuk’ Orlon yarn can take normal wear and tear better than those knit from competitive yarns. But when we got this unsolicited testimonial from Mrs. Fred Bard of Thornton, California, even we were astonished to learn what our yarn really could take.

"Read what she said:

"Dear Sirs:
"How true your ad in the September issue of Good Housekeeping is!!

"My husband and I lived at a Mobile Home Park on Andrus Island out of Isleton, California. On June 21, 1972 at 1:15 A.M. the levee broke about 200 yards from our house. We waded out in our pajamas in waist deep water. Our coach was completely covered with flood water and eventually collapsed and disintegrated. We lost everything, including our car.

"Five months later, when the flood water was all pumped out, my husband was looking around to see if he could salvage anything. He found a sweater-coat that I had just knitted from Red Heart “Wintuk” and that I was very proud of. It had been in the mud and muck for five months. He brought it out to show me he found it. He washed it off with the water hose. I put it through the washer and dryer and it looks as good as the first day I wore it.

"I am sure sold on Red Heart ‘Wintuk’!!

“Sincerely, Mrs. Fred Bard.”

The poor sweater had been in a virtual cesspool for five months, yet was unharmed. So we may conclude that, much like Twinkies and cockroaches, your handknitted acrylic heirlooms will likely survive the impending nuclear holocaust. Shouldn’t your next sweater be made of Red Heart “Wintuk”??

I had to look it up, too. I think it was an “age gap” for me.

:roflhard: my favorite was the one about knitting banned in public buildings: http://anacleta.homestead.com/files/Federal_Government_Bans_Knitting_in_Public_Buildings.doc i almost thought i was real 4 a sec. :teehee:

:hmm: The impending nuclear holocaust? They make it sound inevitable – in which case, why bother? So the cockroaches can be fashionable after the human race has been annihilated? :teehee:

“Grandma Knitting Escape Ladder”…from the Onion

And also from the Onion…(can you tell I’m a fan?)

:rofl: :roflhard: :rofl: :roflhard: :rofl: :teehee:

“Even if it means my new grandson will have to sleep with a store-bought comforter, I will not make something named after a place that lets terrorists run around all willy-nilly.”

:roflhard: :roflhard: :roflhard:

"According to recent studies, the mere sight of a knitter actively knitting increases a person’s odds of becoming a knitter by 200 percent. The dangers of second-hand knitting have long been a concern for Federal worker Irene Schlamp, who is happy to see the bill pass. “It’s been a big problem in my department, where people often take four, five, or even six knitting breaks a day. Those of us who want to do our work can’t because we’re so distracted by the clacking of those damned needles.”

:roflhard: :roflhard: :roflhard:

Night all!

Susan :teehee:

Not really a joke, but an occurrence at my house tonight:

Me: Dad, have you seen the butter container with red dye and yarn?

Dad: …That was yarn? I thought it was spaghetti.

Me: …No.

Dad: I put it down the drain, in the garbage disposal.

Me & Dad: look down the drain

Dad: Well, let me fish it up so it won’t tangle in the garbage disposal. Ah, here you go.

Me: …That IS spaghetti, Dad.

:roflhard: :roflhard: :roflhard: :roflhard: :roflhard:

:hmm: The impending nuclear holocaust? They make it sound inevitable – in which case, why bother? So the cockroaches can be fashionable after the human race has been annihilated? :teehee:[/quote]

I thought zkimon wrote that. :teehee:

:oops: I just assumed it was a continuation of the ad – it makes a lot more sense as zkimon’s commentary than Red Heart’s, though! :roflhard: I know, I know… I’m a total ditz sometimes – I like to think of it as one of my, uh… endearing qualities. :teehee: :roll: