Hey, just my two cents. Again with the bed, ya gotta leave that in the room. The door can come off, electronics out of the room, etc. I laying down the law is necessary. If you have examined your motives and it’s not a you hurt me so I’ll get you thing (which it doesn’t sound like at all, it sounds like a parenting decision) then you are good.
Definately talk to her and let her know the family has reached its limit, and things have to change. Go as a united front with your dh, talk don’t yell, but stick to it once you’ve committed. Set up a contract, that you, your dh, and she agree on. Ex:
When i am able to go one week without disrespecting anyone in the family I will get my radio back.
When I am able to go two weeks without yelling I will get…back.
You said she’s basically a good kid but disrespectful to you, dh, and a little bit to grandparents, that needs to be stopped! If it was normal teenaged mom and daughter don’t get along, that’s one thing, but berating in public, berating at all is not cool.
One thing mentioned that I disagree with, however, is a parent should not be a friend to their child/children. Personally, I couldn’t disagree more. I feel parents should be their child/children’s BEST friend and always make sure they let their children know they can come to mom and/or dad with anything. The last thing any parent wants or should do is to build barriers between them and their kids. It’s not good for the kids and definitely not good for the parents. Not only should a parent make their child feel secure in coming to them with anything,
Not to disagree but I don’t think this is a description of a parent being a friend. :teehee: I know when I say don’t be your kid’s friend be their parent this isn’t what I’m talking about. At least when I say this I am talking about not holding your child accountable for their actions because you don’t want them to be “mad” at you.
Keeping open the lines of communiction, talking to your children and listening to them is not being their “friend” IMHO it is being a parent. Discipline is an extreamly important part of being a parent but by no means is it the only part. My parents were very open with me, and we talked all the time. By no means did I tell them everything, and the older I got, the more I kept my own counsel on certian thing. But that is a part of growing up and becoming independant.
There are more and more people out in the world today who don’t want their kids mad at them, they don’t want to struggle to raise their kids. (Demonica I’m definately NOT talking about you :teehee: , just trying to explain the “not being your kids friend thing”) They want to chit chat with them, gossip, and have their kids grow up magically well adjusted by giving them no consequences, and by helping them out of any difficult situations. I see this all the time. “I know my kid took a knife to school, but he shouldn’t have been cited”, “I know my kid has to be on house arrest, but he’s not a bad kid”, “I know my kid is 30 years old, and didn’t show up for Court, but you don’t have to arrest him”. A major part of growing up is learining that behavior has consequences negative or positive but consequences none the less. When kids aren’t allowed to see what those consequences are, they are so much less able to deal with the real world when they are out on their own.
I know I veared off topic sorry. In my view a parents job is to do what they can to raise a child who is good, healthy, emotionally strong/resielient and able to take on life. Sometimes parents look back and say, “Oh, I wish i hadn’t done that”, but if you are working in the best intrest of your child, don’t regret, don’t second guess yourself. You do the best you can with what you know. You know your child better than anyone. What works for one kid/person wont necessarly work for the next. If she loves soccer and cell phones, then take it. If she loves t.v. and computer then take it. Let her live with the consequences, but let her understand them, and help her to realize that when she corrects her behavior then things get better.
Sorry for the rant, hope it all makes sense.