I dont know what to do to get him to do as i ask

#1

sorry i havent been on in a while but i have been a little to streesed so not great company.

nearly 6 years ago i gave all my savings (about $10,000) to my dad with the previsor he gave me a small amount each month to live off of. i also took out 2 credit cards (for his use) and a loan (again for his use) because he couldnt. it total it was about $15,000. for the first 3 years there were no problems, regular money debts paid off fine. then about 3 years ago my money stopped (in the mean time i was paying $800 food and rent for my son and me pluss working for him part time caring for my frale gran and now for my disabled mum.

my dad is asking my brother to send money to my bank (he cant because he dosent speak french) and he keeps saying the bank isnt doing it even though he’s asking them to. im now in arears with both credit cards by about $1500, the loads paid off in the first 3 years thankfully. i get no money but still pay my dad the $800 per month.

this isnt my dads fault at all and i know he feels bad about it but rather than talking to my brother about it he’s yelling at me saying its my fault i now owe over $1500 in charges (i havent looked at the latest that i descovered about today!!)

my brother isnt the nicest guy in the world and when i try and talk to him i get a huge row.

i just dont know what to do next. i have debts to pay with no money being given to me. i cant get a job here as i dont speak french well enough to work ( i have tried to get a job to sort it out myself ).

sorry i know this is a rant and i will shut up and figer it out

#2

I’m sorry, Susi, but I am just not getting what you are saying. You gave your money to your dad. He was supposed to make sure you got enough for living expenses every month. You also took out 2 credit cards for your dad because for some reason he couldn’t (what was the reason, BTW?). You also took out a loan for him. The loan is paid. No problem. The credit cards are not. You are spending $800/month for you, your son, your granmother, and your disabled mother.

Here’s where I get confused…how does your brother fit into this? If he wasn’t involved from the beginning, why do people think he owes them money now? Also, what are you paying your dad $800 for? I thought you were supposed to be getting paid?

I’m just confused over the whole story - you say it isn’t your dad’s fault, but the way this story goes, it sure seems to be. Everything you did - the loans, the credit cards, the handing over of your account - involves your dad. Until you mentioned your dad telling your brother to send money to the bank (and what does he mean “they won’t do it” when talking about the bank?), your brother doesn’t appear to be involved at all.

I wish I could tell you something helpful, but I haven’t got a clue as to what you’re trying to say…maybe I’m just dense and someone else can figure it out.

Good luck!

#3

no sorry i think it was me this morning. i posted it and thought after i could have written taht so much better.

the basics are i gave my dad the money a) to help him set up a new business b) so i could have a small amount each moth for clothes toys etc for my son and any bits i need.
my brother speaks the french no one else is good enough (i am tryign to learn but since i get no money i cant afford lessons, visious circle). i get the equivelant of $800 per month family allouance that i agreed with my parents would pay rent food etc for my son and myself. they also pay for my animals its a cheap rent for me basicly.

every month my brother is asked to transfer $500 into my bank to pay the credit cards, every month he either dosent do it or just sentds half the amount as he’s usuallmy spent the rest on dvd’s etc for himself (even though its my parents money NOT his or mine for that matter, but it was a past agreement for my dad that i am still more than happy with).

Every time my parents and me ask him he tells me its done and then i check and its not or not in full, leaving me in debt now. i have had debt collecters at the door and at that point he paid the amount, pluss all the charges etc. my credit rating was perfect now its worse than bad.

When i tell my dad its happened again he ends up having a real go at me like ive not bothered doing it!

its now at the point im waiting for 1 of the cards to tell me to pay the balance, which of course i cant do.

it was really a rant as i was at the end of my tether earlier, sorry

#4

I understand that you were venting and every now and then we all need a good primal scream.

However, it seems obvious that you need to remove your brother as middleman. If your family is able to live in and run a business in France without knowing French, is there not a way to go to the bank and find someone who can act as an interpretor and set it up so that the money is automatically transferred from your fathers account to yours every month? Or is it possible for your father to write you a check that you can then deposit into your account? At this point can your father write a check directly to the credit card company that you owe?

At anyrate - I hope things settle down for you soon. Seems like you have a lot going on with your son, horses, and family.

#5

I know you aren’t blaming your dad for this (although I’m not sure why… maybe I’m misunderstanding something), but it sounds to me like you need to stop paying him the $800/month in rent.

If you gave him all of that money (your savings/opened credit cards/took out loans) so that he could use it, then he should be honoring the deal to help you have enough money to live. If you are unable to support yourself AND he’s no longer giving you the means to live, then he’s not holding up his end of the deal. You have a right, in my opinion, to keep enough money for you and your son to live off of.

I think that you need to talk to your dad about suspending the rent agreement for a while.

#6

I also live with my Mom. We also have a rental agreement. I set it up through my bank to do a direct transfer. After the first month I haven’t had to think about has Mom gotten my rent. It has really taken a huge burden off both of us. She doesn’t have to worry if I am going to pay and I don’t have to worry did she deposit the check. You and your Dad could do the same thing. Set it up so your living expense are directly transferred to your account. You absolutely need to cut out your brother as the middle man if he is that untrustworthy. Make an appointment at the bank I’m sure someone can help you.

You can also talk to your creditors and work out a reasonable payment schedule. A good friend of mine got into a huge amount of credit card debt while in college. She eventually got her act together and is now trying to pay back all her debt. She was shocked at how much the cc companies were willing to work with her. She has it worked out that she can effectively pay off her debt and pay her living expenses.

#7

There comes a time when you just have to STOP GIVING YOUR FAMILY MONEY! We have one family member who never pays anything back, so we just don’t give him money anymore.
TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF AND YOUR SON FIRST! DO NOT GIVE ANYONE ELSE, no matter who they are, ANY MORE MONEY!
Keep your finances in your own hands. Cancel the credit cards you got for your dad. Just put a stop to it by taking action to protect yourself.
If a family member is not holding up their end of the agreement, then the agreement has be violated - and not by you! It’s over. Now, do what you need to, to protect yourself!

Islam Advice

#8

I am still very confused over what you are saying but my advice to you FIRST is to CANCEL THE CREDIT CARDS.

#9

I’m sorry you’re having these problems. I’m not exactly sure how your brother fits into this, or how the language problem fits into it.

Is your family in the states, or are they somewhere where they use the euro? If you are transferring dollars to euros, I can understand that there are some additional complicated steps. My sister has occasionally had problems wiring money from her french bank account to her US bank account, which they do before they travel here. She has learned to do this early so she has time to double check things. So, if you’re wiring money overseas, I can see how problems can come up.

It could also be your brother is the problem.

See if you can find someone at your local bank who is fluent in English (and French) who can help you untangle the mess and figure out a way to get things set up to transfer automatically.

#10

I don’t understand what’s going on 100% either, but:

If your Dad (or someone other than you) has the credit cards, call the company and cancel the cards right now!

Someone at the bank must speak English. Maybe at a main branch or through a customer service number if not at the local one.

Sounds like a tough situation - financial stuff always stresses me out. Good luck.

#11

I am sorry to hear that you have all these problems, but I thought you had moved away from your parents. Why would you still be paying $800 if you no longer live with them? I am rather confused.

#12

Yes, I thought that too. Thought you were going to live with your BF in another place. It sounded like a good idea.
Does your son go to school yet? I ask because that’s where I learned Italian, chatting to other mums, at the school gate and in the park and exchanging visits. You don’t need to pay for lessons. However, if you have little contact with the outside world and live in a secluded spot you will never pick up the language.
I don’t want to intrude, but seeing as you have already explained on other threads some of the problems you have to face, can I make a suggestion? Have you thought about going back to the UK with son and BF? Maybe you ought to make an independent life away from the extended family - you can’t do everything for everybody! Also, it seems to me that your problems are compounded by living in a foreign country where you don’t speak the language and so have problems in doing everyday things like going to the bank. Just think, you don’t need to go to London. If you want the countryside you could choose a small town. Just a suggestion…