How Can You Keep From Crying?

Just as some people are bleeders, I’m a cryer and I hate it! :pout:

I don’t see it as a sign of weakness, I’ve always been emotional; however, it might seem that way to others and I wish there were a way to keep myself PHYSICALLY from crying as I try to comfort someone…how can I if I myself can’t keep my emotions down?!?

I am amazed at the emotional fortitude of some people who can speak about the death or trials of a loved one (or their own) without breaking down while I myself break down even if I don’t know the person they are speaking of.

I feel your pain! I am a crier too! I don’t think of it as a weakness either, but I know that some people might. I have learned not to stop myself per se. I might try to be a bit more in control or excuse myself to the restroom if I think that I’m not in an appropriate place, but I have realized that its pointless to try to stop myself. The tears pour out anyway. When I was a kid I used to stop myself by taking deep breaths and counting to 10 and it worked well then. I have no idea why that simple trick has no sway over me now though. :rofl:

I’d trade places with you in a minute! I can’t cry…and when I do, it’s pathetic.

The last time I cried was Feb 2005…when my little 15 yr old Llasa Apso died. I wasn’t expecting it. The vet thinks a hidden tumor ruptured, and she bled out. By the time I got her to the vet, she was hardly with me. I held her as the vet nudged her the rest of the way. We put her in the little doggie coffin my DH had made for me…and we took her home.

I cried so hard and long that I was bed-ridden. I threw up.
I got a migraine headache. I was positively ill.

When my little 13 yr old Shih Tzu died two years previous, I was prepared. I had seen it coming. I knew he had squamous cell cancer on his gums. From his diagnosis to his death was just 5 months. Five good months. I didn’t make him stay on past the good days. I let him go…and brought him home, too.

They are both buried close by…and when we make our final move to the mountains of NorthEastern Washington, they will make the move with us.

Anyway, I could cry now, thinking about them…but just can’t start.

When my mother died in 1978 I didn’t (couldn’t?) cry for about a year…around the anniversay of her death. Oh, I could feel that anniversary coming months ahead.

I think someone like you, who weeps with those who weep, are very special people. Your tears are total empathy, and sympathy. Don’t ever change.

I also think that folks who cry over sad movies, or even happy movies, are very special, too! So totally special!

:heart: Don’t change! :hug:

I have one daughter & one son like you!
My mother was a crier, too!
I don’t know what happened to me. :pout:
I do know this about myself: 2 glasses of wine at the wrong time can break the dam unexpectedly. :pout:

I know exactly how you feel. I’ve had people call me “cold”. The last time I cried was when I found out the sister of my best friend was killed by a drunk driver on her way home from a no alcohol New Year’s Eve party, and even then it took me several days (and drinks) before I got to that point of grieving.

My emotions are pretty flat most of the time. I truly envy those who experience and express emotion easily. Being " a cryer" in my opinion is much better than being someone for whom strong emotion is foreign (like myself). Having ice water in your veins isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.

I’m a crybaby as well. I’m an EXTREMELY sympathetic person (much like yourself). I remember my first instance of sympathetic crying. I was 11 and my 12 year old brother accidentally shot our best friend in the stomach with a BB gun (it actually lodged in his abdominal muscles). I cried so hard I had to leave the room because I was upsetting HIM.

My husband is the opposite. I’ve only heard him cry a couple times and they were because of bumps in our relationship. He doesn’t much express emotions. He often tells me he admires my emotionalness and that he never wants me to change.

Most people I’ve talked to agree.

When I was a kid I would cry at the drop of a hat. I was teased unmercifully for it and now, as an adult I don’t cry much. I wish I could but I just can’t let it out.

Oh well.

I agree with Artlady that being able to express your emotions with tears is a good thing and you shouldn’t ever feel bad about that.

Put me in the cryer club right along with you. :wink: I get it from my mother. Lord, she cries at everything. I told her tonight that we were for sure coming home for Christmas and she was in the store and I swear she got choked up! If she starts to cry then I join right in. I know what you mean by not liking it a lot of the time. I cry at commercials, movies, tv shows. You name it, the flood gates open and I’m shoved right into the waterworks. :teehee:

In order for me to stop myself from crying when I’m upset about something I drink a glass of water and that helps me. I think it’s the swallowing part that makes the difference because I’m still upset as I’m drinking but the act of swallowing helps curb it. I just take frequent sips in order to make myself calm down enough to stop. Of course if I’m really upset I just let the tears flow but for the most part drinking the water really helps.

I’m somewhere in the middle. I’m not overly emotional, but also no where near being seemingly cold. I don’t really even understand why certain things make me cry while others don’t.

However, I don’t know if it’s just the time of the year or what, but I have been weepy lately. I’m 31 years old, haven’t lived at home in forever, yet I started balling the other day because I miss my Dad so much. He’s in England right now (he comes home tomorrow! :woot:) and has been for 2 weeks now, on business. My family is all very close and this is the longest amount of time my Dad has ever been away. And, I’ve talked to him on the phone only once in the past two weeks. I just miss hearing his voice and knowing he’s home and that I could see him anytime I want, but now, he’s a world away.

Then, the other night “How The Grinch Stole Christmas” was on (I just love that show) and I swear, every time I watch it I cry at the end! Hubby was making fun of me for it too! :tap: :teehee:

But, when my mom called me and told me (about 2 years ago) that one of their cats died (we had had him since he was a kitten and I was just a kid when he was born and he lived to about 15), I was of course heartbroken but I just couldn’t cry. I don’t know if it’s because we were expecting it or that I hadn’t lived at home in years or what, but I just didn’t cry. And I adored that cat! He was the sweetest thing…he’d curl up on your lap and I swear, he’d give kisses! He’d rub his mouth right up against my lips, and, he gave hugs! He’d put his paws on each of my shoulders and rest his head on a shoulder.

I dunno, I have no clue why I get weepy over some things but not others…

I have the unlucky trait of being able to be read like a book…

My eyes also get red, and when I cry I look like a racoon…I have never liked that…I watch soaps, or movies or even TV shows…and not once do those ppls eyes go red…and I don’t even just mean the white part of the eye, I mean giant circles under my eyes too…you can always tell when I have been crying…

I also turn beet red at the first sip of an alcoholic drink…I am not even near tipsy…and ppl always point at me and say I am drunk…

But as to try how to not cry…that is hard…I go with the flow, cause sometimes it is easier, and far less painful than not…

I take deep breaths…but as the first part goes…I can be read like a book…and whether I cry or not…ppl seem to know…

I am crier when there is conflict, or when I’m angry. I can tear up at sad commercials or when someone on TV is crying. I’m not a bawler though, it’s generally a quiet thing. Overall I’m pretty emotional, but I’m also a realist and in some situations I just don’t. When my FIL died I was sad, but I didn’t cry. He was old and had been ill and he went peacefully.

All this said I try not to cry. The swollen, red eyes are so uncomfortable I try to control it, but sometimes you just can’t.

I used to NEVER cry and then I lost my Grandad. Now I cry easier but still not a lot. I bawl every single time I watch Cold Case, though!

I get like that too. My ex used to think that he had the upper hand in arguments because I would cry. (He was a real jerk in a half let me tell you) I used to tell him that I wasn’t sad I was just so angry!!!

However, certain things will just set me off. I do control it in certain places by breathing, etc. But overall I am pretty emotional.

WOW! This is weirdly comforting! I thought I was the only one!

I have the unfortunate experience of being the only emotionally sensitive person in a highly insensitive family. I wish it would have been limited to just teasing me unmercifully. But mine extends to being called bipolar (doctors, multiple, have checked me, and I’m not) being evicted from my own family, to not speaking to me for years at a time, to you name it.

Yes, I cry, and sometimes I am moved beyond tears. Some things in my life have traumatised me so badly that I will NEVER recover from them, literally to the point where I am shellshocked by the degree of trauma in my life. (Post traumatic stress disorder I have. Severe situational depression I have. Bipolar, I do not.)

So, yeah. You emotional ones, I totally get it.


Ordinarily I’m not much of a crier. I guess it’s kind of like the “never let them see you sweat” commercial, only with me it’s crying. And, when I do cry, it’s just at certain things.

It’s really weird, when I stop to think about it…there are times that I’ll be watching a movie or TV show with someone, and they’ll be sitting there crying while I’m thinking the whole thing is just too cheezy for words. Another oddity about me is that I cry for animals much more readily than I do people - I think it has something to do with the fact that they can’t speak for themselves, do what they are told to do, whereas people can say “I’m not going to do that” (one example - watching a horse race on TV when the horse broke down and had to be euthanized…I bawled for hours. For the jockey? Nope. He had a choice. The horse just got saddled up and sent out at the whim of humans). I can’t stand bad stuff happening to animals. Certain movies I will tear up at, “Sleepless In Seattle” being one of them, but a lot of them just seem too contrived.

This year, though, I am crying much more than usual…and I think it has something to do with the fact that in Oct ‘09, my dad will have been gone for 10 years. Add to that the fact that my hubby loves country music, and this seems to be the year for torturing me in the songs that have come out. I cry at Brad Paisley’s "Waitin’ On A Woman" 'cause I see my dad waiting for my mom; I cry at “Cowgirls Don’t Cry” because it’s about a gal losing her dad; I cry at “You Can Let Go, Daddy”…another one about a gal losing her dad. Apparently I’ve bottled up more grief over that than I’d thought, and hung on to it for a LONG time.

I guess I’d have to say sometimes I’m a crier, and sometimes I’m not. On the whole, mostly not…but when I do break down, look out!!! (And I don’t know if this post even made any sense at all.)

I totally understand. This December 4th will be 10 years without my dad and there are still things that make me cry. When my BF and I went to see Flags of Our Fathers I bawled and bawled at the end. I couldn’t even leave the theater I was so worked up. It was because my dad fought in Korea - not even the same war or circumstances, but it really made me break down.

As a matter of fact, anything about the Korean War makes me cry now. I think it has to do with how forgotten it all was. They didn’t come home to parades or vile recriminations. They came home to nothing and saw such horrors. It wasn’t until 1992 that my dad was diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder - 40 years after the war!!! I never knew much about the Korean War - my dad never talked about it - but after he died I learned about it and I just bawl every time I think about my young dad having to see all that. I clap extra hard for the Korean War vets at the Veterans Day parade now. (Don’t get me wrong - I clap for all vets, but I have a special place in my heart for Korean War vets because of my dad)

I envy you. I am not a cryer and sometimes wish I was.

I purposely don’t cry when I get hurt; I have just trained myself to be “tough” and walk it off.

My problem is that I have trained myself to get mad instead of sad.

It is a defense mechanism. I think because I dated a guy for a long time that always tried to hurt me (he was very manipulative) and when I look back on that time in my life I look at it as a time when I was very weak. I cringe to think of all the times I gave him what he wanted; tears, and actually groveled.

Because of that time in my life, I just said to myself I will never give anyone that power again, but I have gone to the other extreme.

So. . .in order not to cry when I am hurt by someone, or not to grovel and show “signs” of weakness (don’t take me the wrong way, it is just based on my experience with this guy) I get mad.

I don’t cry at all and I sometimes seem tough as nails, but here is the thing, when I want to cry. . .I have pushed them back for so many years, that I can’t. I think if I could just have a hard cry like my Mom taught me I would feel so much better. I can’t. The tears just don’t come.

The drawback is, my anger is so much more toxic than tears would be. Tears would enable me to grieve and move on, but anger doesn’t. It stays and festers, and you never quite get over a thing because it is just beneath the surface always. It is so much harder to let go.

So don’t think there is something wrong with you because you can cry, and are open enough to allow this emotion. Don’t envy people like me, when I envy people like you for your mental health due to being able to express your emotions better than I can.

I am the same way. Animals and small children have no voice of their own. They love unconditionally and depend on others for their care. It absolutely breaks my heart when I see those commercials where pets are locked in cages and looking so sad. Or when I hear about some child being beaten by a parent…

I used to cry so much I was the target of every bully in the surrounding towns
then I leveled out a bit as I hit my 20s
then as my marriage deteriorated I became more and more depressed
now I will cry every once in a while when I see something VERY moving, I will shed a tear or two
and this is SUCH an occurrence my kids rag on me for it
I am VERY entrenched in this deadened kind of depression I feel very few emotions other than rage, occasional bouts of panic, brief flashes of pride when someone I care about does something unusually great
I find myself wanting to cry due to gratitude, or loss (like when my Dad died), but it rarely comes.
I have things that feel horrible, unbearable, but I do not cry about them, they just build up
more than anyone cares to know
I shed more tears due to coughing or cold than due to emotions


I’m a crier. But I don’t think of myself as a overly emotional person. I come by crying naturally my Mom cries at everything and so do most of my Dad’s fam ( Dad was not a crier). I have learned to except it. One of my brothers is a crier too. He is a typical 6’3", well built, softy. We usually have a laugh later about some of the things we cry at like commercials. I honestly couldn’t look at him on his wedding day without both of us tearing up.
Stories about cruelty to animals and children really get to me. I can’t control the tears then.

I think we just have to accept the way we are and carrying a packet of tissues:teehee:

Count me in there too! Man, and that ASPCA commercial with Sarah McLachlan, GAH! I can’t even watch it!

Ya know, I have noticed that I cry more easily being a mom. There are things I see now that, before I had kids, wouldn’t have made me cry, but, after my first child was born (and even more so after my 2nd) I definitely cry over a lot more things.

I don’t even try to control my tears. When something chokes me up, I just let it go. Sometimes we need a good cry just as much as we need a good laugh.