I hold my yarn in the left hand between my middle & pointer finger, and the under my pinky. If I’m doing multicolor work, then I carry it also between my middle & ring fingers. I control the tension by keeping my finger close together. Maybe carry over your middle finger would be closest to what you do now.
I have some arthritis & if I knit in the same manner too long my hands ache. So I switch out styles & sometimes carry the yarn over the middle finger of my right hand. Plus, I use shorter 10" needles or circulars to take the strain off my wrists.
I’m in the process of teaching myself to knit left handed so I can knit across the row, and then back without flipping my work. At this point, my tension is terrible left handed. But if I keep at it, I’m sure it’ll get better.