Anyone else with an unsupportive husband RE: knitting?

My husband doesn’t like it that I knit :frowning: . I do knit a lot, I’ll admit that, but I also do get all of the household stuff done, cook, and am a stay-at-home mom. All I get is negative and derrogatory comments from him. For instance today I was commenting that I should try to limit my TV and coffee intake and he said “And knitting…”. :rollseyes: So I said, maybe you wouldn’t be so cranky about it if YOU had a hobby. To which he said, I’ll get a hobby when the kids are older :shock: . As if to say that my whole life and world should be devoted to our two young kids.

All I want to know is what’s wrong with a stay-at-home mom having a hobby that she LOVES, at the same time not neglecting other things AND having a good social life with lots of friends, AND doing daycare two full days a week for another two year old (as though I didn’t already have enough toddlers around here! :wink: ). Somehow I feel like I’m being made to feel guilty for doing something that I love. :frowning: What’s up with that???

By the way, otherwise my husband is great and very supportive of everything else but this…

“otherwise he is great and supportive”…
BULL!
What you got is an ignorant PIG of an idiot that thinks all he has to do is go to work and make a pay-check to be the "KING O’ THE CASTLE’.
GET A CLUE !!! WHO ARE YOU ??? WHAT IS YOUR NAME ???

Dammit,
If I ever treated a woman like you are being treated, my parents woulda whupped my butt in public. Not to mention the rest of the tribe.

[size=1]The Mod Squad was here :waving:[/size]

Wow, I don’t blame you for being a little PO’ed. He has no right to complain or try to make you feel guilty.

The worst I’ve ever had to deal with was my fiance complaining about me buying yarn. But, now that I’ve discovered cheap online yarn, he’s all for it.

I hope your husband comes around one of these days. Until then, keep on knitting. We’ll never tell you to stop :smiley: .

With all due respect to Trucker, I don’t think that you need to flee your home and family because your husband is negative about your knitting. :wink: You haven’t described an abusive relationship. It doesn’t sound as if he’s trying to isolate you from your friends and family and you’re not complaining that he’s hypercrtitical about other aspects of your life.

You take care of a house and children and you have a part time job (with which to fund your yarn habit), you are entitled to do something that you like to do. What does he do when he isn’t working? Is he helping with the house and children? If he sits in front of the TV every evening there is NOTHING productive about that.

You don’t have to start an argument with him, but perhaps it would be helpful to ask him why he doesn’t like the fact that you knit. If he feels like he needs more attention from you, is there something you can do together?

Men are not babies, many just like to act like them. I would try to find out what his beef is, but if he doesn’t tell you, it’s not your problem. If he does tell you, and you don’t like the answer, it’s still not your problem. And you have every right to ask him to keep his negativity to himself.

MissAbi…
YOU are an enabler to spousal abuse and you don’t even know that you are being abused too.
Read your post… “but now that I’ve discovered online yarn he’s all for it”. Did you discover it, or is he keeping you in the house so that you “don’t have to go out” to shop?
Who is REALLY in charge of your life? Your mother’s idea of “how to keep a man”, or what YOU REALLY WANT FROM YOUR LIFE???

Sara,
Verbal abuse can be just as damaging as physical… maybe more so. The scars can last for longer than a bruised knee, or a skinned chin. Don’t, please, don’t think that any abuse is petty. It all hurts.

Whoaaaaaaa, wait a minute trucker! :shock:

I am not being abused, I do not feel mistreated or upset about my marital relationship in ANY WAY, I just feel like my dh doesn’t see knitting as God’s gift to mankind the same way that I do :wink: :lol: . That’s all. Really. And by the way, when my husband is not at work he is home with us, helping with the house and helping with the children. I am very fortunate to have a loving, and involved husband and father to our children.

I just wish that he’d take my hobby a bit more seriously and see it as something that I like to do and he should support that.

I was just venting.

Hey Knitqueen,

I’ve got four kiddos, 10, 7, 3, and 6 weeks. We homeschool and are pretty active but balanced. Knitting helps me keep my emotional balance. It’s my little escape during the day. “Change is as good as rest.” and I need that rest from it all but cant really rest everyday with this bunch. This week all the knitting I got done was sewing ends in in three projects and knitting one bootee! Which I used to be able to do on a Sunday!

I was just thinking today that knitting keeps me from eating too much, and I’m just happier when I knit. My dh is happy too. So I’m sad that your dh does not see the value in it. The old cliche is so right, “If Momma aint happy aint nobody happy.” Whether I have knit or not effects my kids the same as it effects me. One of my friends said “it’s your meditation”. So true.

I shower my children with things I knitted for them out of love. That is special.

And think of women in the past. They had all kinds of other responsibilities on the farm and they knitted as well. They had to for survival and I’m sure it brought them joy just like it does us.

Don’t feel guilty, it sounds like hes jealous that you have something that brings you great joy. Which is sad that hes being jealous. I hope he finds things he can do with the kids or by himself that brings him joy. Sorry for the novel. There is nothing wrong with you knitting. :slight_smile:

Candace

I think he’s jealous that you found something you love that doesn’t include him. I don’t put it in the abuse category unless he’s critical of most things you do. Unless he’s done your job, he doesn’t know the stress/boredom of being a SAHM, and how knitting allows you to do something other than your job. Your job is 24/7. I don’t imagine he can understand what knitting does for a person.

Don’t defend yourself. Just explain that knitting makes you more relaxed and happier, and what could be wrong with that? It’d be interesting to hear his answer.

Everyone has different family dinamics and underlying issue that the rest of the world doesn’t know about.
My partnership is one of mutual respect. I respect any hobby my husband decides to get himself into (assuming it’s legal) and he has my back 100% with whatever I decide to do.
I would say my knitting seriously borders on obsession. Every spare second I have is spent knitting (if I’m not at the computer). But, I was disabled 2 years ago in a car accident and am no longer able to do any of my former hobbies, or really anything outside of bed or sitting in a chair for very short intervals. I had to find something… and I found knitting. My husband LOVES the fact that I knit. Loves to purchase knitting stuff. Loves to talk about my knitting. Loves to model my knitting. Shows everyone and brags to everyone about my knitting. He does that because knitting has made me happy, and he wants me to be happy.
I don’t give him hell for his hobbies. They make him happy, and they are mostly free or inexpensive. We have enough money to afford my habits at this point (I can’t do a lot of shopping, so it’s not like I’ve spent all of our monthly income on yarn/knitting supplies). But that’s my situation. There are a lot of factors which make this situation work for us.

In your situation, I agree with Ingrid. Just explain how it makes you feel, and how can he argue with that?

I’m fully aware of the signs of abuse, Trucker. Been there, done that, kicked the a**hole to the curb. I do not need the lecture.

Pixywhispers and Ingrid said exactly what I was thinking. I’m a SAHM too (I teach preschool 12 hours a week, but don’t really consider that my job since it’s only 12 hours! :slight_smile: ) It’s hard for the working parent to understand what it’s like to stay at home full time with nothing else to do but clean and raise the kids. My DH sounded a little like yours at first. He didn’t understand why I needed to go out or have other interests.

I’ll never forget the first time I went away for a weekend with my closest girlfriends. We rented a cabin in the mountains and did nothing but scrapbook all weekend. DH thought I was insane! But a day or two after I came back he commented on how relaxed and peaceful I was. We all need a little time away. I just read an article today in a magazine about making yourself a special place in your home. Some people dedicate a whole room to themselves, some just have a special comfy chair that no one else can use. But it’s their place to relax and get away from it all.

We all need a little something that is just ours. Meditation is a great way to describe it, and fits knitting perfectly. The softness of the yarn, the movement of the needles, the quietness of it all. I’m going into a trance just thinking about it!

I hope DH comes to accept your hobby. Have you ever knit him something?

Whoa, you are completely out of line.

  1. I’m not kept in my house. As a matter of fact, I’m a full time college student who drives a 45min commute each way to school. I also work outside of the house.
  2. My mother also works outside of the home and both her husband and my fiance do the majority of the housework. So we’re not exactly a couple of 1950s housewives.

As for my fiance dislike of me buying high priced yarn at my LYS, I think that’s rather reasonable. And him being more accepting of a lower cost alternative is a completely normal response. And no, he doesn’t buy my yarn. I do. But when you’re entering into a big commitment like marriage and you have joint expenses to look forward to like a wedding and buying a house, he has every right question me paying $8+ for yarn. Just as I have every right to question big purchases he makes.

Now, I’d appreciate it if you would keep your abusive comments to yourself. I don’t really appreciate being labeled as an enabler of spousal abuse. That would be verbal abuse right there.

Trucker…I think you were maybe reading stuff between the lines that wasn’t there. It’s nice that you are supportive, but be careful labeling people when they’ve only made one comment.

Anyhoo… Knitqueen I think there is a lot you can take from all the comments here. Find a quiet time to talk calmly to your husband and ask him why your knitting bothers him. What does he think you should be doing instead? I agree with the others I think he’s feeling left out and a little jealous somehow. Maybe having a date night every few weeks would make him feel a little better.

My husband is very supportive…although he HAS to be since he’s got hobbies up the wazoo and spend quite a bit more on his than I do my knitting! I think he would be anyway. He thinks it’s cute. :rollseyes: :roflhard:

I apologize… I had no call to name or label anyone, and I am sincerely sorry.

May I be sacrificed now?

Momma told me there’d be days like this,
there’d be days like this
my momma said

Thank you so much for this, Trucker. :heart:

Yes, thank you Trucker.

Thank you, Trucker. Apology accepted.

First, I want to tell you all (Trucker included!) that I REALLY appreciate the way you all took this thread, which could have easily become REALLY ugly, and turned it around, maintaining our winning record of drama 0, LUV 1,001!

Trucker…Im getting a vibe that you may have had experiences that lead you to react so strongly to KQs vent. When I started reading this post, I admit I was like :shock: WHOA! :shock: but now I can appreciate your intention to try to protect and empower someone. :heart:

KQ…my DH does sometimes get a little “put off” by my OBSESSION. :lol: You are not alone there. I notice he is more likely to complain when he’s had a bad day or is feeling a little overwhelmed by all that he does (he is the type that makes himself “to do” lists that arent even REMOTELY accomplishable by one human person!) I think Ingy is on the right track…I think some of it stems from his own frustration that he doesnt have a hobby that calms him and his feeling that he wouldnt have time for one if he tried to find one. HUGS! :heart:

I am fortunate to have a supportive DH. When I can’t understand something, I have him read it to me, and I can always get it after that- even though he has no idea about how to read a pattern :lol: Last night I had to bind off “quize” :?? apparently it was kwise :rofling:
If he were unsupportive of my hobby, I think it would build a bit of resentment between us. It’s my outlet, and if he’s nagative towrds it, I would become bitter. I hope your DH is able to soon understand your calming and productive hobby.