A loser ex and his wife rant... (long, sorry)

ETA- I think I am having one of those “I am taking things the wrong way and this is toxic to me” days.

They sound like the deadbeats!! Ignore them.

That’s a dangerous game they are playing.

Oi vai! Some people believe themselves more competent and deserving than they really are.

I had emailed her “I am really surprised that you sent this.”

She has now emailed back with: “I’m not sure if you mean because it paints McCain in a good light or because of the financial issues that we’re having. Never the less it wasn’t meant to offend. I thought it had some very good points. I realize we differ in our political views but I try to stay open minded about things as much as I can. I’m sorry. I wont send any more of this type stuff to you.”

I am not responding. But I think this clearly illustrates my “Hmm, you just don’t get it, do you” point.

My stepmom is always sending me political stuff which supports her conservative view. I know she’s not sending to me to be offensive, but as a way to present ‘her’ opinion w/o actually talking about it. I just hit the delete button.

It sounds like your ex and his wife don’t “get it” because she read that article and attributed this financial break-down to the poorest of our society being granted loans ("…welfare payments and unemployment benefits as valid income sources to qualify for a mortgage."). They don’t think of themselves as “poor”, so she didn’t think anything of sending the article to you. Weird. They fall into the category of “living above their means.” (I also think that your back child support should be a part of their bankruptcy proceeding).

As an aside, I work for a lawyer and do loads of real estate closings a year representing both buyers and sellers. My 2 Cents - the mortgage market broke down because those in lower income brackets were pre-qualified for mortgage amounts that there was no way they could afford when you factor in all their other expenses. So when potential homeowners go to look at properties they look at homes that are way out of their price range. They don’t take into consideration the property and school taxes and water bills and utility bills. That’s what gets them into trouble and into a foreclosure and possible bankruptcy situation.

Example - when my husband and I were looking for homes we went to our bank and asked to be pre-qualified. They have you fill out a sheet showing your income and expenses (getting pretty detailed with the expenses actually). There is no credit check run during the pre-qualification process and the bank, after having asked you to be specific with your expenses, doesn’t take any of them into consideration when giving you a figure for a potential mortgage. We were given a pre-qualification letter for $350,000.00??? Not in a million years would we buy a home that cost that much because WE KNOW that there are expenses associated with it that would make it impossible for us to pay for everything much less the mortgage. Other people are told a figure like that and incorrectly assume that the bank has taken their other expenses into consideration and they haven’t. The banks don’t take your other expenses into consideration when qualifying your loan even after a credit check. Of course, it’s not necessarily their responsibility, but still…it’s in everyone’s best interest for banks to try to make sure that homes don’t go into foreclosure. Ever hear of “helping your fellow man”? Nope, it’s about making money. It’s doesn’t take that long for an overextended person to end up in a foreclosure situation. Not enough time to begin paying on the principal of your loan. So, the bank made money because they’ve only collected interest on the loan. Right into their pockets and no equity for the homeowner.

I’ve read those things too about the Democrats having instituted the policies to give lower income families the opportunity to have Fannie or Freddie backed loans. But that doesn’t account for the individual banks that have steam-rolled over these people. It’s a pretty good bet that the banks figured these mortgages would go into foreclosure. And not all lower income folks have bad credit that would make them have to obtain an FHA loan. It’s no excuse for banking institutions to have deliberately given out mortgages to those who they knew couldn’t afford them. It’s bad business. And it’s the fault of all parties involved - Democrat, Republican, Independent, whatever. There is only this major finger-pointing because it’s an election year.

Sorry. I ranted there. Off the soap box.

I was wondering if I was taking this the wrong way, which if I am reading your post correctly- you think I was. I thought they were either looking down on “lower class” people (which by the way, is not something I believe in and I would think this experience should be somewhat humbling that way) or trying to use it as an excuse- as in their credit wasn’t good enough so they shouldn’t have been given a loan. Or perhaps, that this was just “fronting” to look better to their friends and family -giving an image of themselves that just isn’t true.

The whole thing just rubbed me the wrong way. I know exactly what you’re saying about the banks and the mortgage crisis.

As far as child support being included in the bankruptcy- would that be written off too? He does not pay through the court. He has been late several times but in the interest of family harmony I do not pursue it. He tells me he really appreciates me working with them- which I am happy to do.

I would love to have read the original Post

I agree with you on how you were taking the tone of your ex’s wife’s e-mail. I also think that because she forwarded it, she is living in her own world and not really understanding that she shouldn’t really be making a comment on the foreclosure situations when she is in that boat. I agree with you.

As far as the child support in the bankruptcy - I’m in NY and although I can’t in any way tell you I’m proficient in bankruptcy law, I have seen bankruptcy cases where child support arrears are included. They are not written off. That is one debt that you cannot escape. A plan is usually put in place for the debtor to pay their debts. Money is paid to a bankruptcy trustee who distributes the funds according to the ruling made by the Court. In many cases, any child support payments are made first, especially if they are paid through your local Child Support Collections Unit. If they are then, as you may know, should he receive any refunds on his federal or state income taxes and he has arrears that money would go to the support collections unit and distributed to you.

Family harmony is not underrated, however, and I can understand your not pursuing child support issues in bankruptcy court. However, it couldn’t hurt to contact a Family law attorney in your area and ask how his bankruptcy could affect your support payments in the future.

Thank you, that’s great advice and I appreciate the time it took!