I have not posted in ages; I guess because I have been so consumed with work, life and family. But I do lurk and read all the time when I do get a free moment.
I have had a rough month in that I lost my husband of 3 3/4 years unexpectedly. He passed in his sleep sometimes in the morning of the 12th. I arrived home from a girls weekend to find him gone. I am truly devastated as he was my best friend, my love and my hero.
The last few weeks have consisted of walking around in a fog, forcing myself to eat something and just trying to cope. I have had no desire to even pick up my needles and finish the blanket for my friends baby who is due any day now. I did take a class last Saturday but only because I had signed up for it earlier in June and had paid it in full. I could have cancelled, but when I signed up for it his words to me was “as long as you promise to not miss it because you want to take it and we paid for it”.
I just don’t have any desire for anything. I don’t enjoy anything. I hardly watch any tv any more, and everyone knows I am a reality tv junkie.
will I ever get my passion back for my knitting? will I ever recover from the loss of the love of my life? I pray that I will, but now I just doubt.
I am getting a lot of support from family and friends; grief counseling and support group. but I just feel so alone. We never had kids and so it’s just me and the dog and a big house that’s full of our things.
My love was only 45 yrs old. I am 42. I never thought that I would be a widow at 42. It kills me that we still don’t know what caused his death. The medical examiners office is slow, understaffed, underfunded and overloaded. it could be months before I ever find out. that’s what hurts the most. Maybe if I knew what happened, I might could start to heal a little bit.
I am sorry, I just needed write all this out. I know what a supportive community you guys are and I just wanted to share.