What to do

#1

My youngest sister, 14, has very recently struck up a friendship with someone she met on Facebook or Myspace or something, meeting him through the fact that they both posted messages to the same band’s page.
Since then she has spent each night on instant messenger to him from about 5pm til long past midnight, calls him on her mobile it seems like every hour and then uses the land line to call him at any time from 11pm til 3 in the morning. She always leaves the room during these calls, obviously for privacy, but then retreatsto her room and closes the door.
Mum has never met him or talked to him, but has said that his voice sounds older than he’s claiming to be (this is when Jen puts him on loud-speaker when she’s the only one in the room). She’s also said that, of the three of us (my sisters and I), Jen is the most likely to fall victim to ‘grooming’ - she’s the youngest, feels like she’s always fighting with and is victimised by the family, has self esteem issues but spends a lot of time on her appearance so people will look at her… understandably she’s concerned - as am I, it’s my little sister! This guy is at least 17 - he’s in the second year of UK college - and he spends up to 4 hours a night talking to a 14 year old girl on the phone.

Any ideas on how to resolve this?

#2

Yep, call the cops and have them check it out. There are a lot of very dangerous predators out there that find their victims in exactly this manner.

#3

Cut the girl off – seriously. No computer, no phones, no nothing until the guy has been investigated.

A similar thing happened to me (pre-internet days) and suffice to say I am very lucky to still be alive, although now permanently a victim of a sexual predator so this is coming from someone with experience.

#4

Absolutely, this is heady stuff for a kid and she may not be able to tell if it’s dangerous. By all means, have him checked out. [I]You can not be too careful[/I]

#5

Agree here too. Listen to the voice of experience… This guy could be a predator and needs to be investigated.

#6

Happened to my friends wee sis, her dad got suspicious when everytime he answered the phone instead of her the guy hung up and he sounded older than he said he was - they phoned the police. They can investigate it and if it turns out to be genuine then no harm done, better safe than sorry

#7

My rule is that no one is allowed on my dd’s phone unless there has been an actual adult face-to-face meeting. Doesn’t have to be me or dh, but a friend’s parent will do. So my dd has several people on her phone list that she has met through friends, but their parents have all met them and I know their parents (if that makes sense). I would be very suspicious of a guy who spends so much time talking on the phone to your sis. I would also at least have the police check him out to make sure he is legitimately her age (if that is what he is passing himself off as.)

However, be forewarned that unless there has been truly something that is ringing bells (like he has asked her to meet him or knows too much information about her) the police may not investigate. I recently had a friend whose online gf was not appearing to be what she said she was and when they took her e-mails to the police they said there wasn’t anything they could do. They did eventually find out that this girl really was around his age, but it still was creepy.

#8

Thanks guys, basically needed to be told I wasn’t being over-sensitive. I’ll definatly see if Mum will agree to a cut-off, if not the investigation. I know not every guy on the internet is a bad guy, I have a 5 year friendship with someone I met in exactly the same way, but I asked Mum to talk to him as well. It’s just this guy doesn’t seem be to any good. I disconnected the phone line last night to make sure she didn’t call him back (I told her to hang up just before I first posted) and this morning it was plugged back in - I was the first one up.
Thanks again for the advice everyone.

#9

You are a good big sister! :hug: She’s lucky to have you. :wink:

#10

I agree… think how much better things would be if ALL siblings looked after each other this way! You sound like a close family…

#11

We are, my little sisters (15 and 14) are so sweet with me - I have a fear of people that makes leaving the house difficult, but they’re always asking to take me out shopping or to the park to get some air. We’re really close, going to miss them so much when I leave for Uni.