What to do when your knitted gifts are received less than entusiatically

#1

My granddaughter arrived 2weeks and 2 days ago. Ever since I learned that she was expected I have been knitting enthusiastically. I have mailed items, taken items when we went to visit and mailed more since getting home. I will admit to having gone a bit over board but I have been so excited over my first grandchild.

It has become fairly obvious that my knitted gifts are not being enthusiastically received, in fact they aren’t even being acknowledge.:sad: Last week I sent a box with two sweater sets, made from Schaefer yarn as well as a box full of clothes I had bought. I also sent them keys to the house which we had accidentally taken home with us.

When I didn’t hear from them I called to make sure the box arrived, my DIL didn’t mention it at all so when my son got on the phone I asked him if the box had come and he said, yeah thanks for sending the keys:shock: :oo:

I am not a professional but I think the things I have made have come out presentably and I really loved every minute of making them. But now I feel really hurt that they don’t seem to like them and wonder if I should keep knitting because I enjoy it or focus on other projects since knitted items seem to hold no apppeal for my son and his wife.

Normally if I gave someone a handnitted item and got a less than enthusiatic response I would simply not do it again. But this is my Granddaughter and I was looking forward to lots of years of Grandmotherly knitting. I keep thinking maybe, as new parents, they are just overwhelmed and that when things calm down they will like them.

#2

Perhaps you could ask your son the next time you talk to him. Some people love knitted things on babies and some people do not. Perhaps your DIL is afraid to use them for fear of not knowing how to wash them? The only way you are going to find out is to ask.

I too knit like crazy when my first grandchild was born and got a less than enthusiastic response. I understand your pain! :hug: I finally just asked straight out. I still knit for my grandchildren, but I ask Mom first and let her pick out colours and style.

#3

Yes, they may be really overwhelmed right now (I was the first month or so) or think the clothes are too good' since babies stay at home a lot at first and don't go out where you woulddress them up’. Or they may think twice about putting a handwashable on a newborn. It’s probably better to make knits in about a 6 mo size than for a newborn, and to use machine washable yarn.

#4

I received many nice knitted blankets and booties when my children were born. And I was scared to use them, they are so nice and hand made! What if I ruined the handmade blanket from her aunt? A priceless momento ruined by me, I was really scared to actually use them. Could that be it? I did respond enthusiastically though and always wrote a thank you note … Did you include care instructions? And as the pp said, maybe ask your son. And again as the pp said, maybe ask your DIL about what she would like or send some pics and ask if she would like that for the baby?

And they probably are pretty overwhelmed. Even with my third I was still overwhelmed, tired and well, just not 100% myself.

And if none of that works, you are welcome to knit anything you like for my 19 month old. :wink:

#5

I guess at this point I am not really expecting them to be using the items (most are 6 month size) since she is only just born and the weather is still warm. I think what I am feeling hurt about is the lack of any kind of comment (or thank you) for my gifts.

If they expressed appreciateion for my gift, then put them away and never used them I would likely never know because they live far away. But it saddens me that they don’t seem to even know the time and love put into them.

#6

maybe it is just a case of everything being a little chaotic for them right now and clothes are the last thing on their mind. I would gently ask them if the gifts were ok and see what response you get.
I know a good friend of mine when he announced that he and his GF were having a baby recieved a lot of crocheted baby things from his mum. He said thank you but also didnt want to bring it up to much as he actually wasn’t to keen on what was being sent (they are rocker/punk types and frilly pastels just don’t strike a chord with them). They didn’t like to bring it up since it was sweet of his mum to do and they didn’t want to offend her by saying she was off the mark.

#7

I think it sometimes depends on whether the individuals receiving the items are crafty people. I knitted a poncho (my 1st poncho) for my granddaughter 2 years ago and her mother (not a crafts person) barely responded to it, in fact one day when I was visiting them I found the poncho balled up in a corner of my DGD’s room. On the other hand I have knitted things for my DGSs and their mother (a major craft person) is very happy to get the things and takes very good care of them. I think my crafty DIL knows the amount of work and care and love that goes into making these things and even if the pieces aren’t always perfect she appreciates them anyway. Is your DIL into crafts? If not she just may not understand the work that has gone into these things. Also they probably are overwhelmed with being new parents.

I wouldn’t be offended maybe after they’ve settled into parenthood you can talk to them about how you feel and ask them if they would like you to continue knitting things for your grandbaby.

#8

I’m sorry, but I disagree with everyone. If the parents didn’t even acknowledge the presents, I wouldn’t knit for them anymore. Now, when your grandchild gets older and expresses joy over knitted items, I would make things for her. It’s such a lot of work and if it is going to someone that doesn’t appreciate it, why bother. Other people would be thrilled with hand made items. Knit for someone that appreciates it.

#9

You may have to be clear that it is OK to use the knitted things - give them washing instructions, or say that you plan on spoiling this baby with lots of knitted things and there’s no way they’ll be able to keep them all, so please ruin them! (The way that my sisters and I ruined some once-nice Madame Alexander dolls because my grandmother insisted that dolls were to be loved and played with. After being dragged around by their hair and “fed” with crayon bottles… well, they certainly aren’t worth much money now.)

#10

When I was knitting a baby blanket for a friend in a weather forum I belong to. I made sure to let the new mother know that it was to be used and not “put away for keeping it nice”. I used a machine washable and dryable yarn. I also included a yarn lable with the washing instructions so she could read them for herself. I did this two times for 2 friends in different forums. Both mothers responded that they loved the blankets and one even sent a picture of the baby laying on the blanket. The other has not had her little girl yet.

#11

I certainly agree with Puddinpop. First of all, it is rude and shows a lack of manners for someone not to acknowledge any gift, whether it is wanted or not. I’ve only given one knitted item away since I began knitting again; no reply, not to mention a thanks. Well, that’s that. No more, and when I say ‘no more’ that means gifts of any sort for that person. Just because we might be, as myself, older does not mean we can be taken for granted. Nope.

#12

I guess I wanted them to express as much joy over receiving them as I had making them.

Whether they “use” them or not isn’t the point, it’s the (lack of) acknowledgement of of the “specialness” of the gift that hurts me.

Time will tell if anything is actually used, but I would actually feel better if they didn’t use them becuase they recognized them as special rather than just ignoring them altogether. Although, I do want them to use them!

I’m supposed to start a class next week learning steeks and fair isle. The project I picked (and already have the yarn for) is a toddler sweater. I was so excited about it when I signed up, now some of the joy is gone.

#13

Don’t let their lack of consideration take the joy out of knitting for you. I do think that appreciating your gifts is the least they can do , no matter what it is. I was overjoyed to get hand knit items from my exes grandmother when we had our children and I wasn’t even a knitter then. I would talk to them about it though. If you enjoy making things for your GD I wouldn’t stop just because of them though. As your GD gets older you can make sure that she knows that the present is extra special for her because it was made by your hands and with lots of love. She will love them - and even if she goes through her terrible self interested stages like all children do - she will one day look back fondly and think about how wonderful those hand knit gifts from grandma were - and maybe even become a knitter herself :slight_smile:

#14

I’m with puddinpop. It was rude to not even acknowledge the gifts you put som much love and hard work into. I, too would feel hurt and would hesitate making anything more until the little one gets bigger and expresses an interest in something homemade from Grandma!

#15

I agree. I will say this, though…if you want to knit something right now for your grandchild, knit a soft, cuddly, stuffed animal. Take a little time doing it, so the baby’s a little older and can get attached to it. I know I crocheted (back before I knew how to knit) a stuffed panda bear for one of my nieces when she was very small, and she kept it for years. In fact, when she went to move out after college, she was going to take it with her, only to find out her mom had given it away. Even at 21, she was really upset with her mom over that.:teehee:

#16

I am sorry but rude is not saying “thank you”. It is beyond rude to thank you for sending the keys and not one word about the things you so lovingly made.

I give you credit for control, if it were me I would have said “and how about all the the gifts I sent? Did you get those too”

Kids are never too old to learn manners and compassion.

#17

I have had people not respond and I have been hurt too. I have still made things for some of the people, in the end the love that I put into it was more important to me than the way they acted, but some I have not… it really depends on my relationship with them. And if I could see a reason that they wouldn’t…

Now being that the baby is so new I would ask them about it… They may have really liked it and just in the crazy time didn’t remember, it’s really crazy then and being their first can mean a lot of changes and it can be hard, so I’d give them the benefit of the doubt…

Since you already have yarn and a pattern and are planning on taking a class I think I’d talk to them about it even more so…

In the end you might just want to start making things that will fit her around 2 or older when she will be able to choose what she wants to wear… And making a cuddle toy is a good idea too… Jeremiah LOVES the bunny blanket I made for him.

Sorry that this happened, that they hurt you so… I do understand…

#18

Personally, I think I wouldn’t make any more for now, it sounds like she has enough for awhile. I think getting so many knitted things may have overwhelmed them, too. When you get a chance to talk to them again I would ask them about the gifts specifically and tell them how it made you feel. It really is rude to not acknowledge them at all and the way your son responded was not nice at all.

#19

I agree that it is rude not to respond with thanks-how were they with other gifts you have sent-wedding,shower etc.It seems to be the norm now for folk not to send thank you notes.
I made a quilt for my nephews wedding gift and never received a thankyou note.
I also make baby gifts for family in Scotland and don’t get any thanks from a couple of them not even to say they arrived-but I get such fun out of making them that I still keep sending them.
I also think it is a good idea to talk to your son about it and to let them know the care instructions.
I can understand how hurt you must feel when so much love is put into your gifts

#20

Well quite honestly my DIL is a very sweet girl but has never been big on saying thanks. I have never received a “thankyou” from her for any gift, verbal or written. Even the wedding Thank you’s were sent by my son (I tried to raise him right).

For the moment I will give them the benefit of being overwhelmed by parenthood but will also focus my knitting efforts on christmas gifts for other family memeber and a sweater for myself. We’ll see what the future brings.

The package I sent also contained 5 “April Cornell” outfits, a lovely designer that is quite popular here. They are also kinda pricey, the sort of thing Grandmothers buy. My DIL never mentioned those either and my son’s only comment was to ask if they were “Amish” dresses (they are old fashioned girly).

So I’m going to sit back take a deep breath and hope that when the “new baby dust” clears it will sort itself out. I was just sad because I was so excited by my grandbaby knits and wanted them to share my excitement.

Meanwhile, I have a daughter who loves everthing I knit for her!!!