Weddings Suck!

Well…maybe not so much the wedding itself, but the planning…

And I have to say the MIL ain’t making it any easier…

Anyone have any prewedding support, or horror stories?

her future in laws are doing rehearsal dinner…
DD has planned all so far so good. :happydance: :yay:

For me, the problem was MY mom and step-dad. We seriously considered eloping, but my mil very strongly urged us not to. I’m glad we didn’t. Only, we instructed dh’s parents not to give out the phone number where we were staying on our honeymoon. Sure enough, my mom called them to get it while we were gone. Can you believe it?

It’s your wedding. Do what YOU want.

:hug:

I have a few horror stories:

My photographer took us around the town to take pictures, as opposed to just posing us at the reception venue. We were gone about an hour while guests were supposed to be partaking of appetizers and mingling. The church had kicked us out early so guests arrived a little early to the venue and the venue didn’t have the appetizers out yet. When DH and I arrived back at the venue, my Matron of Honor greeted me with “Where have you been? Everybody’s bored.” Looking back, she was 7 months pregnant and I had several guests tell me afterward what a wonderful party it was, that I think she was projecting her own boredom onto everyone else. But at that moment it didn’t make me very happy, it frustrated the heck out of me.

My MIL pitched a b**ch at the reception because she was having trouble corralling DH and me into pictures with all the out of towners from their side. The reason she was having trouble rounding us up? We wanted to dance to two songs that had special meaning to us (and happened to come on in a row.) For some reason she thought the photographer was leaving RIGHTTHATMINUTE and insisted we miss the songs in favor of these pictures. We actually had about an hour or so of the photographer’s time left. I hadn’t even tossed the bouquet yet.

Also at the reception, DH’s Godmother somehow popped her replaced hip out of the socket. Yes, I had paramedics show up to the reception.

Finally, DH was so stressed out about the goings on with his family that I ended up at my wit’s end, sitting at a table where my brother handed me a pitcher of beer and I cried into it. While I drank it, of course. (Luckily most of the guests had left by then.)

Needless to say, the honeymoon was my favorite part of the week. If I could go back, I wouldn’t have stressed so much over the preparations because, honestly, when it comes right down to it, even the best laid plans can go awry. In the end it’s about the choice you’ve made with your partner so just breathe, forge ahead, and enjoy yourself. :slight_smile:

I don’t have any stories personally, but I have always enjoyed visiting this site for reading about the worst of the worst brides, grooms, bridesmaids, mothers-in-law, and so on.

It really makes me wonder about some people, and gives so many things NOT to do if I ever get married. :teehee:

Oh my goodness! That is one problem I am having right now…

My dear MIL is trying to convince us to stay over night at the same hotel as everyone…

Backing the story up a bit, we are getting married about 1.5 hours away from home. Every Halloween we throw a halloween party at my (matron of honour) Best friends house and we leave around 1 or 2 am every year. The venue is very close to this friends house, and the same distance away…

Now…some of the older folk are going to stay at aformentioned hotel because they don’t want to drive home, want to drink…etc…
I myself want to go HOME…not only am I not keen on staying in hotels, I don’t like the idea that everyone sleeping around me is going to be wondering about the “getting it on” situation in my room…kinda creeps me out. There is nothing more I would like then to go home…

MIL is all about “don’t you want to thank everyone, you can eat breakfast with us all in the morning, and you have to take all your presents home” To which my reply has always been “NO, I do not want to see anyone from the wedding the night before…” and “I have a car, you have a van - you bring the presents home!”

Oy…It starts!

I want to elope sooooo badly at this point…but there is too much money invested…I can’t do it…(and feel good about it - or be slaughter by MY mother)

But then…this is just the icing on the cake…there is much much more…but I just know I am going to enjoy the day…but I can’t wait to get the planning over with!

We didn’t drive home after the wedding, because we took a nice lodge (?ya know, romantic wooden country style with jacussi (sp?)), another one was booked for the in-laws. We were so tired and drunk that i couldn’t imagine myself driving 1/2 hour home. In the morning we had a nice breakfast with my parents and the in-laws. I know that all you want is to get home, but think how tired you’ll be to do that. So maybe you’ll take a room not in this particular hotel, but somewhere else, and so you’ll manage not to see the guests but rest in the same time :slight_smile:
Wedding planning is always hard, because families are hard. This one doesn’t talk to this one and the other hates this one. Just the sitting arrangements are a nightmare, but try to enjoy it, plan it the way you see fit and have fun. Don’t listen to all the “good souls” telling what to do. The most important thing we both learned from our wedding was who is our true friend.

I’ve probably catered a hundred weddings, and made cakes for many more. My favorites are where the bride and groom do most of the planning themselves. If the mother’s get involved, there gets to be way too much tension.

Just enjoy the process and plan to look back and laugh later.

I sympathise with you. My mother was just horrible at our wedding. I cant even look at my wedding photos it upsets me too much. We wanted to elope, but it would have broke my Dads heart so we didn’t for his sake. I really wish we did though.

I hope to renew our vows on our 10yr anniversary in 2 years time. That way we’ll have a nice day to remember.

It’s your wedding Crycket do it your way and don’t be guilt tripped into something your not happy with.

:hug:

You don’t need to see them in the morning to thank them, that is what thank-you cards are for. You need your beauty rest after all the pressure and stresses of the big day, and time to be alone with your new husband. If MIL is being flaky about the gifts, ask someone in your wedding party with a big vehicle to be responsible for the gifts. Give them a key to leave the gifts while you are away, or have them drop the gifts off at your parents. If it seems to stressful for MIL have someone else take care of it.

Tell her there is no point for you staying at the hotel with everyone else, you are not going to see them anyway. A lot of couples do this, they stay at a different place from all the guests for the same reasons you mention. Keep it a secret. Tell her you guys are staying at a romantic getaway and you are not giving out the number or location. Then head back to your house.

Politely tell your MIL it is your and your fiance’s day and that you are both going to do what makes you happy. Weddings are for family, but to a certain extent. The wedding night and thereafter is for you.

My brother ended up banning our Grandmother from the wedding. She was interfering a lot and was threatening to cause a big scene on the day (she is an alcoholic with quite an argumentative/selfish personality). Thankfully she didnt show up but the staff at the hotel where the wedding was held were all informed that she was not invited and to refuse her entry.

Im sure you won’t have to go to the extent of banning anybody, but you do have to be firm and know that even if it does ruffle a few feathers initially, when it actually gets to the BIG DAY, people will be to happy or enjoying themselves to much to worry about what went before. It is important you do what makes you happy.

:teehee: I won’t go into too many details but let’s just say we ended up eloping, thanks to the stress.

I didn’t do this then and I should have but I have learned since being married and having kids…put your foot down. If you don’t it will always be like this. Do it as kindly as you can but set the boundaries early :thumbsup:

Sorry you’re having a rough time- weddings are nerve-wracking, aren’t they.

Here is a site I read a lot when I was engaged- there are weddings from hell, etc.
http://www.etiquettehell.com/

Just know yours can’t go as bad as some of these!

ETA- I now see someone already suggested it- and I remembered something from my wedding that was funny. At that part “if anyone has just cause why these 2 shall not be wed… speak now” part his Great Aunt Rowena said “WHAT? I CAN’T HEAR NOTHING HE’S SAYING!” Everybody gasped. It was actually pretty funny.

:passedout:

Are you KIDDING ME? Holy crap! I think somebody needs to have a little talk with his mother.

I have managed to escape the problem and worry about seating plans. I am doing buffet style. Everyone can just mill as they please, there will be tables, but they won’t be assigned.

It is just so many things to think about with so many ppl with their hands in the proverbial cookie jar. I am a bit agoraphobic (I can’t be crowded in by ppl - kinda like claustrophobic of ppl instead of space) and even just ppl coming at me emotionally from all ends is really nerve wracking. I have less problems dealling with 10 Guide leader and 50 kids!

deep breath

I think I am bothering my mom too with all my sudden out bursts of “I can’t wait til the damn thing is over with”. But really…I can’t wait…So much BS to deal with…

Last but not least, my aunt (you know the one that didn’t spend any time with me as a child, but insists on getting involved now, cause she feels I am at the right point to accept her advice aunt)
insists on throwing me a shower after I very firmly relayed my want for not having one! And even better…when she asked me what I wanted to do for gifts…I said “make it a yarn party…I would like to get yarn” and she turned and said “No one wants to get you yarn, so what else do you want?” grumble grumble grumble Forced into the shower I didnt want, asked what I wanted to get (for all my pain and suffering eventually giving in) and being totally ignored anyway…sighcurls up in a tiny ball in the corner of the room and starts rocking

Sorry for the rants…I just really need to rant somewhere…!

I have been married for 34 yrs this month and while I can’t think of any stories about the wedding off hand, the stories I could tell from over the years… :zombie: Anyhoo…

While I feel that compromise is an essential element of ones life your wedding really IS and should remain ‘all about you’ and your fiance. Sometimes people need to be reminded of that. Forcefully. Tell them that while you know they love you and want to do these things for you [U][I]you[/I][/U] really don’t want them. These things would not make you happy and indeed make you very uncomfortable. Tell them you just want their love and support. Then stick to your guns! I know it’s not easy and they might be ticked off, but they will get over it if they love you. :hug:

Unfornatly the shower proceeds as planned…I have toyed with the idea of not showing up a few times…but I couldn’t do that…damn morals and values…

Someone explained it to me this way…a shower is a gift, not the physical gifts you receive, but the gift of support, and to turn it down is to reject the support. That little tidbit is what grabbed me most…

I have a soft spot for the “emotional gift”…in highschool…I believe it was my peer tutoring teacher (I was tutorer not the tutoree) said that a compliment is a gift. Whether you like it or not, you should graciously accept that gift. She went on to explain that as the giver of a gift, you wouldn’t like it if handed that gift back to you or showed general distain for it. So as the receiver of this “gift” just act as if you would like to have your gifts received.

I am not sure why it really hit me hard…

Of course…now I am back to being bitter about the shower…but I understand that I really shouldn’t turn it down…or reject the support…sigh…I just wanted my yarn party!

You know, that is an excellent analogy, Crycket. Since what’s done is done just go and try to enjoy yourself. Chances are once you are there you will and the joy you give by smiling and thanking everyone will be remembered. :hug:

A friend of mine from high school (the only friend from high school who I was in touch with at this point in my life) was invited to my wedding. I looked for her in the church and couldn’t find her, but I had other things on my mind at the time and didn’t really think about it.

I looked for her in the reception line at the church. Nope.

Got the reception venue and was hanging out with the wedding party in the room off to the side before they introduce us and up she pops. It was awesome. I hadn’t even met her husband yet (because although I knew when she got married, I wasn’t invited - whatever). They way she talked about him I’d have thought he was some hunk. Nope. Not even close to what she described, but beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Great to see her and meet him in any event.

At the reception, I sat them with my boss because he’s a lawyer and she used to be a paralegal like me so I thought they might have something to talk about. She and her husband proceeded to get rip-roaring drunk and make jack asses out of themselves to my boss. Of course, I learned about that later.

My husband and I, our best friends (in our wedding), and Lori and her husband all stayed in a hotel near the reception hall so we could hang out and catch up, etc. My maid of honor and her husband couldn’t stay with us so that was a bummer, but a blessing in disguise. Our husbands all went in to check us into our rooms and my two friends and I were outside talking about what a great day it had been. Then my high school buddy starts talking about how my maid of honor is such a stick in the mud and other unkind things and I was so stunned that I couldn’t even say anything. She was acting like I agreed with her. ??? She’s my maid of honor! I love her!

My other girlfriend diffused the situation nicely. All over? Nope.

We get to our room and high school buddy’s husband goes to the convenience store next to the hotel and buys so much beer I couldn’t believe it. It’s our wedding night - we’re not spending the whole night drinking with you!!! Then, I got into a fight with her husband when he was trying to tell me something about my boss that was untrue. I’ll leave it at that. Literally, I almost got into a fist fight with this jerk, until my husband and his best friend got them out of our room.

Crycket, go home. Don’t stay in the same hotel with anyone. If they want brunch they can get it themselves. It is nice to see the out-of-towners once more before they leave, but you can always meet them at a restaurant half-way the next morning. It’s your weekend, don’t let anyone else make you feel guilty.

Oh my goodness, I have so many horror stories but so little time. My bottom line advice: Don’t let anyone talk you into doing something you don’t want to do. You’ll remember it for the rest of your life if you don’t do [I]and[/I] have what YOU want.

Good luck and Best Wishes! :hug: