This is hilarious!

#1

The next time someone asks you a dumb question wouldn’t you like to respond like this?

Yesterday I was at Safeway buying a large bag of Purina Dog Chow for my loyal pet, Sheriff the Wonder Dog, and was in the checkout line when woman behind me asked if I had a dog. What did she think I had, an elephant? So, since I’m retired and have little to do, on impulse I told her that, no, I didn’t have a dog, I was starting the Purina Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn’t, because I ended up in the hospital last time, but that I’d lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms. I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again!
(I have to mention here that practically everyone in the checkout line was now enthralled with my story.) Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no, I stepped off a curb to sniff an Irish Setter’s *** and a car hit us both. I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard. Safeway won’t let me shop there anymore. Better watch what you ask retired people. They have all the time in the world to think of crazy things to say.

ETA - NO, this is not me, I don’t even know if it’s real, but who can’t use a belly laugh! :roflhard:

#2

Jan! This story is HILARIOUS! I fell of my chair laughing!
:chair:Thanks for being YOU! Can I be your neighbor?

Has Safeway really banned you from the store? :eyebrow:

This reminds me of a story I heard, and never forgot:

A tired guy is sitting in the airport’s waiting-to-board area.
He had nabbed the last seat available! Phew! Collapsing into the seat, he had unknowingly sat on a newspaper. He just plopped down.

A new guy comes along, and asks: “Are you reading that newspaper?”

The tired guy stands up, turns the page, sits back down…and says, “Yes I am”.

End of story. I wish I had been there, and I’m waiting for the day to try it!
And now I’m adding your scenario to my waiting list! :eyebrow:

#3

:roflhard: I didn’t do this, but you can be my neighbor. :teehee:

#4

:roflhard::roflhard::roflhard::roflhard::roflhard::roflhard:

#5

oh tahts perfect. i love that
:roflhard: :roflhard: :roflhard: :roflhard: :roflhard:

#6

Thanks, guys! These really made my day!

#7

Oh Jan thanks!!! :roflhard:

#8

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

#9

Oh boy…you had me going!

:roflhard:

#10

:roflhard: :roflhard: :roflhard: :roflhard:

#11

:roflhard: :roflhard: :roflhard:

#12

That is hilarious! Thanks for sharing that Jan. I can always use a good laugh.

#13

Thanks Jan. This is one of dh’s favorite jokes. He tells it in a slightly different format but just a funny. :roflhard::roflhard::roflhard:

#14

That’s a family favorite here, too.

Gotta tell you, regarding Purina. A long time ago, my husband and I were having a ‘tiff’. At one point he looked at me and said, “Your dinner is over there”, pointing at the bag of dog food. I looked at him REALLY hard for a moment, then started laughing so much I almost choked. We kissed and made up, and he took me out to my favorite place for dinner.

#15

So funny Jan!!!

Here’s something similar I do for real: when going to a restaurant with a date, I always say “17” when the hostess (upon seeing two of us standing there) asks “How many?” … Then I snort with glee as she says “What! 17???” Then I say, “no, it’s just us two” and laugh.

I recommend everyone do this at least once, just for fun. :thumbsup:

#16

:teehee: Hildie! That is funny though. :yay: