THE TALK (or ONE of the Talks)

tonight at dinner, my (nearly) 13yo daughter asked me a VERY big question.
"Mom, why aren’t I allowed to date?"
seems she likes a boy in middle school, and he likes her, she used to like him, then got over it, now she likes him again. Every adult in school knows he likes her, its really that bad.

Since she is willing to talk to me about it, I M willing to keep talking to her, and she has agreed to let him eat frenchfries with me (just casually) so I can talk to him.
she is very clear about what “DATING” means in her circles, and I was able to come back with the arguments about even that level of "committment"
I am SO proud of her, and she freely admits she almost choked when she brough the conversation up.
this is a level of honesty I was hoping for with my kids, my teen is not this honorable, but I M so proud of this daughter


That’s really great! When my DD was 11 I believe, there was a boy she liked, who liked her and I didn’t find out until after the fact that they were considered “together” at the school. I made sure she understood no kissing, and that they weren’ allowed to do things date-like outside of school. She agreed with the no kissing, thought it was gross, and said the school wouldn’t allow it. We did all go to the movies together one afternoon. It was me, DD, and DS and we met her friend and his mom at the theater. We all sat together and it was more a family outing than a date. Since then she hasn’t been interested in anyone.

That’s great! My dd is 15 and hasn’t really put much interest in dating. She has a (boy) friend that she likes hanging out with and they hold hands sometimes, but since neither of them drives and we live across town (with crappy bus service) meeting up is rare. They like to go out in groups rather than alone and they like hanging out with me! :slight_smile:

It’s nice having level-headed kids!

That’s great! You must be doing a good job with her if she’s that open with you. I think at that age group “dates” are really key. We used to go out with a whole bunch of friends to the movies or mini golf and it was great. If you limit it to group dates where you know a lot of the other kids there, I think you’re safe against any unwanted alone time, or anything that could happen. At that age, she probably just wants to go on group dates anyways. A lot of the time it’s more about being associated with someone than actually “going out” with them.

Group outings and him being invited over to dinner at your house is a good way to “date” at that age. Adn it’s good to hear that she’s so open with you…that’s the key to steering a kid down the right path.

LOL, when my daughter was 9 [B]she [/B]sat [B][U]me [/U][/B]down for a talk…wanted to know if her Daddy and I had ever had sex! I told her as much as I absolutely had to (it’s part of having babies) and as little as I could get away with. She shuddered and announced “That’s so GROSS!” (I really REALLY needed to hear my 9yo say that at that point!)


I’m so glad for you. I know you’ve been through the wringer.

she told me she almost choked on her water, and when she asked her first question she was not sure she would not cry, because she knows I do not approve of her dating at such a young age. Then when I just talked to her, and asked her normal sounding questions.
Since then she has asked me if I am going to let her “do what we discussed”, I told her I need her to go to school, and look around, see how her life would be different if I said yes. then I want her to see how her life will be different now that we have spoken, but if I say No.
She needed me to explain that one a couple times, but she thanked me for speaking to her, and went to get ready for bed.
I really appreciate her willingness to listen and learn in this. I am SOOO proud of her (did I say that before?)