Hi everyone, I just wanted to check in…
It’s 2 years today since I lost my baby, Aron. I was 17 weeks pregnant, and I miss him.
I tried to do the compassionate knitting project this year - but it was too raw still, and I feel almost like I let him down. Maybe this year. I haven’t cried yet today, but I went to the beach, and wrote in the journal I write in at every anniversary, and I have a special felted decoration for him for the tree. But Christmas is always bittersweet now, and, although I’ve been excited about it for the first time since he died, it’s tinged with sadness.
And I wish I could send a message to Aron’s father, but he’s next door with my neighbour and her little girl and my ex-best friend and a whole bunch of people who don’t like me because it took me some time to be ok with him going out with her. It hurt to hear them playing together as a family after everything that had happened, and I just needed time.
So I’m going to rant at you guys instead Sorry. I want to be stronger and more at peace, but I’m not at the moment. I want to be able to let go of the friends I have lost this year, but it’s hard because they’re all next door. And it feels somehow disrespectful to my baby to feel sad about other things, more recent things, today, at this time of year.
Anyway, hope everyone’s having a good run-up to Christmas, I still have so much knitting to do!