I found out I was pregnant right when I was four weeks. A co-worker of mine just told me three weeks before that she was pregnant with her second child. I’ve been with the same job for 10+ years and I have no children. I’m 36 and for people at work who know me, this is unexpected though my husband and I just started trying and didn’t tell anyone.
I told my co-worker about my pregnancy because she is pregnant as well and I told her NOT to tell anyone just yet because we want to make sure everything is o.k. before we start spreading the news. I went for my first appt. but they decided to wait on the sonogram until I was eight weeks along. So, while I was just on my two days off what happens? Right, she told EVERYONE :psst: we work with and it was a surprise to no one. She even told my boss and he approached me this morning.
Do you find this to be a big betrayal of trust? I consider myself an easy going person usually but what if there were something wrong with me or the baby? There is a reason why we didn’t break the news just yet and this will be my only pregnancy because we only want one child. I made this very clear to her. Would you be furious too :grrr: or am I making a big thing out of nothing? I just found out on my way out of work this morning so I’ve not had a chance to say anything to the big mouth who couldn’t keep it to herself. :pout: I hope to God we don’t have a miscarriage or anything because I’ll have to go back to everyone and tell them something like that. :grrr: Would you bring it up to the co-worker or just try to let it go?
Yes, I would be PISSED. Pregnancy, especially your first, is BIG news, and you deserve the chance to share it yourself! I would definitely say something to the bigmouth, but I’m not sure what. There is no way I’d be able to let it go, though.
That said, just remember that pg hormones can make you a little crazy, so you might have work a little harder to handle this in a rational way.
Yes, I would be bothered. She has no right to go and spread your news, especially after you told her in confidence!! :grrr: I’d just talk to her and let her know what you just explained to us - that you had your reasons for not wanting the world to know already.
Well, yes, she probably should have not said anything, though maybe she was excited for you and wanted to share, or said it inadvertently. I think though, that if you didn’t want anyone to know, you shouldn’t have told even one person.
That was a HUGE betrayal and she had no right and I would be SPITTING. No way would I let it go I would do everything I could to make her life miserable for as long as I was working with her including telling everyone how you swore her to secrecy and the reasons why you did so and make sure everyone knew what an evil thing she did and how she lied and told you it would be kept in confidence and how terrible you feel now. And I would never speak to her again. And sign up her e-mail to spam addresses every single week. And put smelly glue on her office chair when no-one was looking.
Okay maybe not both because if everyone knew how angry I was they’d know I was the one playing tricks on her. Either lots of mean pranks OR letting everyone know how she betrayed me. And she would deserve every bit of it. You have every right to refrain from telling people about it. That was not her decision to make and she knew how you felt and had no excuse or reason to blab.
But in reality it will make your work difficult to do this and your life will be more complicated if you do and you are probably a bigger person than I am. The sensible thing is to let it go or just tell her calmly what a betrayal that was and you want nothing to do with her. She is not worth jack **** and not worth stressing yourself over such a pathetic mean bch. And you don’t need stress now! I am absolutely spitting for you. I hope she has the most long painful labour ever and gets really fat permanently and gets terrible stretch marks and morning sickness. Meanwhile karma is on your side and you will have NONE of those things because sometimes the universe is fair. I personally would bring it up with her and make sure everyone knew what she did but that doesn’t mean it’s what’s right for you to do. The most important thing is your pregnancy not wasting time on such little things because YOU ARE PREGNANT CONGRATULATIONS!!! If it helps, every time you get fuming mad again just think about this happy event, I hope that makes you able to forget about the bch and be happy.
Congratulations I am so happy for you and now you have another excuse to knit! Ooh little baby bootees in animal stripes and how exciting! :cheering:
Best wishes for you
Sarah
P.S. Good call on just the one sprog.
P.P.S. Tell everyone at work that her husband is not the baby’s father.
Congratulations! I’m sending good vibes that you’ll have a fabulous pregnancy.
Try to look at this as a lesson learned. Your co-worker is NOT your friend. She can’t be trusted and you’ll need to watch your back with her. Not a great situation, but certainly not an unusual one.
Likely, this woman will ask you a lot of questions about your pregnancy. If I were you, I’d freeze her out. Be civil without really telling her a thing.
Try not to let it spoil your happiness during this time, okay?
Yes, I think this is 100% accurate. She was completely thrilled when she found out. I’m sure she didn’t tell anyone just because she wanted everyone to know she was the first to know. I really should have kept it from her too until we were ready. I told her she was the only one I shared this with because she was just three weeks ahead of me. Oh well, I will certainly say something to her. It’s very hard for me to trust anyone and this is one of the first times at work I told someone about something so big. I’m really not good at this kind of stuff. Well, I guess I should have never opened MY big mouth. :doh:
Thanks for the congratulations. I’m sure everything will be fine. It’s just first-time jitters.
FIrst… Big Bear Hugs… I understand the reason you wanted to keep it quiet. Sharing w/ her at the time I’m sure was exciting, and I would have. However, since she violated your trust… I would let her know that now she showed she couldn’t be trusted.
Explain to the boss why you hadn’t spread the work… Bosses usually understand she probably has done that before… spread the word in confidence.
Lastly… Rise above it… share your thoughts with us… write yourself letters… whatever… and don’t lower yourself to tell her anything you don’t want the world to know…
okay some of that may be a leeeeeettle over the top. :shock:
I guess the thing is that the lesson here is that you now know what kind of relationship you really have with this woman. it sucks that you didn’t get to make the announcement yourself and I do think that you should say something to her. However the good news is that you have a very exciting event to look forward to and there is nothing that this can do to dampen that excitement unless you let it.
Congratulations on the new baby! at least you got to announce it to US yourself!
Your coworker was wrong but one thing I have learned over the years is that some people JUST CAN’T KEEP a secret. No matter how hard they try somehow it just “slips out”. I think I would consider it a lesson learned (don’t tell her anything else) and let it go. Being upset isn’t good for you or the baby and at this point there is little you can do to change the situaltion. I agree with snowbear, rise above it!!
You know, this advice seems excellent. I don’t see myself going nuts at work but this seems to fall right in line with how I should proceed from here. I think you’re right on the money. I wonder if she felt even a little guilty after I told her like 10x not to talk because we were worried about health issues. If I carry to term and all goes well I’ll be 37 when I deliver. You bet I’m worried about health issues but again, going back to what the other poster said, I should have not told anyone first. It should have been an all or nothing thing. Live and learn I suppose. :pout:
I would just have an extra big exciting party of announcement with everyone not connected with work once you find out everything is definitively perfect.
(but it is confirmed already?)
she is bad.
bad bad bad!
maybe get her one of those non sequitur cards - that are kind of creepy. I know they have one about people talking who shouldn’t be, I think it is a girl with no head, and her head is around the corner and then something about how sally was listening or something… they look like kids’ stick drawings and then say something superficially non sequitur-ish, but actually pointed. I wish I could remember. she couldn’t get mad then, and you would make your point…
anyway, congratulations!!!
are you going to find out whether you’ll have a son or daughter or surprise yourself?
My Husband and I both agree on two big things. We both want 1 child and we both want to find out the sex when I’m further along. He used to always say he wanted a boy and I always said I wanted a girl but once I got pregnant, we don’t care either way. We just pray for a healthy, happy baby.
I definitely agree about ignoring this little chatty lady, though she’ll probably start asking you about the pregnancy and give you tips and advice…I would listen and show no reaction and then sorting it all out to myself
My hubby and i agreed that when we get to the baby issue, we won’t tell anyone, even parents, till 3 months pregnant. And so at work, because i need to tell the boss 5 months ahead…
About the one child issue - i guess you have your reasons, but i was alone till age of 5 and i begged for a sibling (that’s the word, right? :teehee: ) and when my sister arrived i was the happiest person on earth. We had our ups and downs, but still, when putting parents aside - we’re the closest family we got! My mom was an only child and she’s very sad about it… hope i didn’t push my nose too much :??
I think you have a right to be hurt, but in my personal experience, I haven’t been able to trust people I’ve worked with in the past with private matters…they ALWAYS wind up spread all over the company. So I’ve just learned that I don’t say anything to anybody about things unless I’m ready to share them and ready for everybody to know. To try to interpret what her motive was (was she being spiteful, or was she excited) is kind of irrelevant I think. Whatever her reason was for doing it really doesn’t matter; your secret is out, and you can’t go back and change it. We also really never truly know what is in another person’s heart, so it’s unfair to speculate what their motivations are. You also have to be very careful about what you say because things tend to come back to haunt you later on. A woman I worked with was angry because her husband didn’t want to start a family yet and she did. We were talking one day, and I admitted that I wasn’t sure I was ready to become a mom at that point (I was a few years younger than her). Well, my husband and I weren’t exactly being careful, either, and I got pregnant. I was elated when I found out, but she was pretty snotty and I found out later that she was telling people, “Well I thought she wasn’t ready to start a family, and she’s pregnant now!” Well, so what, right??? The point is, I shared an intimate detail with her that I probably shouldn’t have, and now it was “fair game” I guess to spread it all over the office. I’m very careful about what I tell people, whether it was on the job, at church, whatever. I would consider it a lesson learned, not just necessarily with this lady, but perhaps with sharing things at your workplace. Unfortunately, it seems that most people just love work gossip, and can’t resist sharing it. I’m sorry this happened to you. It should’ve been your beautiful news to share with people at work, not hers.
I’m sure everything will be fine. It’s just first-time jitters.