OT What would u do?

ok say a good friend of yours asked you to be her matron of honor in her wedding. u say yes because u were under the empression that it would be close to where u live… but then it changed to be 2000 miles away. but you don’y say anything. now the friend knows your money is funny and u just had a baby and really don’t want to…not that you said all this 2 her. so the date is in March, far away but close enough… ok at first u were looking forward to it because it is Cali and u haven’t been there since u were a kid a want 2 go back. so your friend then puts a guilt trip on u saying she will do anything 2 get u there even of she goes broke doing it. so basically all u pay for is your dress (which is ugly BTW) so now u feel obligated… now you’re annoyed with the whole idea and basically avoiding any corraspondance with your friend. plus your views on marriage aren’t that great so you really aren’t into supportin the whole marriage thing.
what would u do? :crying:

If she’s payin for your ticket, Carmell darlin, you get your BE-HIND on that plane and be HAPPY about it! She’s your friend and its HER marriage. YOU dont have to be happy about YOUR marriage, but if its gonna make HER happy, then that’s all you need to know.

[size=2]Love ya, btw! :heart: I dont scold very often, sweetie! :oops: [/size]

i don’t want to go!!! plus it is really a big burden on my whole famly not to mention my pocket. i have to take my son out of school. my husband would have to take of from work to stay home with the girls. i would have to leave my baby. yes, she would be paying for our tickets but i still have to pay for my dress and my son’s rental… hes the ring bearer. its just to much of a hassle.

I agree with Kellie. If something happened to your friend or your friendship how would that affect you? She must love you enough to want you to share in her big day.

Wow… I say you have two choices…1.) You suck it up and go and be happy for your friend and share in her joy, and honor her deepest wishes to have you there, or 2.) you tell her how you feel and risk losing her friendship.

If it were me, I would go. Actually, I did it for my best friend. VERY Long story, but I felt she needed me. It was important to her, and I love her, so I went.

Carmell, you are her friend, she wants/needs you there, share her joy, no matter your opinion of marriage. Think of it as a few days without the kiddos…

i must say though that if you do take option 2 do it before she buys the ticket and the dress is ordered if you can. give her time to find someone else so she doesn’t spend the money and someone else can get that dress fitted if possible.

i agree though…i know it is a huge burden but i would hope that she would do it for you if you wanted/needed her too.

see thats just it. its a little deeper for her than it isme. yeah shes cool and all, but i don’t go out of my way to include her in my life. if she is around its because she basically puts herself there. and it has been like that for 6 years. my other friends understand this about me and have no problems waiting on me to INVITE them… not her though. i’m just not that type of person.and i sho do not like attention nor do i bring it apon myself and thats how she is. i DO NOT want to walk infron of 400 to 500 people. i just really don’t want to do it. my husband has already said we can’t afford it. o don’t want her going broke over me when she is trying to start a new life with someone.

she has a MAID of HONOR TOO!!! she doesn’t need me!
and if i knew the circumstance i wouyldn’t ask someone to do that 4 me!

Then be straight with her. Tell her that with four kids and an uncooperative husband, you just can’t make the necessary arrangements to go away, and have money for childcare and all the other extras.

This will give her time to ask someone else, and you won’t have to be stressed about it for the next 6 months. What happens after that, happens. She’ll still get married, you won’t have to spend a fortune for her to get married, and you won’t cause further stress in YOUR marriage.

Plus, since you DO have four kids, what are the odds that one of them will get sick or something? How much more upsetting would it be for her to have you cancel last minute?

she has a MAID of HONOR TOO!!! she doesn’t need me!
and if i knew the circumstance i wouyldn’t ask someone to do that 4 me![/quote]

ummm…you asked :rollseyes:

Kool it sounds like you already have your decision. You better just tell her so she can make other arrangements. All you have to ask yourself is are you willing to lose her friendship. It sounds like you can accept that.

When my friend wanted advice about having an affair, and I tried to talk about her making mistakes and being honest with her husband and so on, it turned out she didnt want advice , she wanted me to agree with her and tell her it was ok. Your the only one who knows if you can do this or not.

I have to agree with Ingrid on this one.

If it wasn’t about the money, or having the family constraints, I would say do what you can to get there, but with all of this, I would just explain to her now, rather than later, that while you would love to (even if you wouldn’t), it would be too huge of a burden.

Not yellin at you Brenda!! :wink:

I think i need to make something clear… its not that my marriage isn’t good or that my husband is bad … personally i think i just jumped in to quick. and if i had to do it over again i would have wited longer! but Ingrid i agree with you. i don’t know what my husband would do with 2 toddlers and a baby by himself!!! its hard enough for me and i do everyday. hes never had the kids alone for a period of time. i really just can’t see myself leavin my girls for 4 days. and would any of you take your child out of school just to be in a wedding?

That’s another issue. What kind of example are you setting for your kids when you take your son out of school for someone else’s wedding? Having worked in an elementary school, I know what the teachers think of taking kids out of school for vacations and such. Not good. You also give you son the message that school isn’t as important as fill in the blank.

I think kids need to believe in their heart of hearts that school IS the most important thing, so that they will care enough to put in the effort. They need to get that “OMG I don’t want to miss the bus!!!” kind of feeling.

Nette~ you’re right i have made up my mind just not my heart. i can’t bring myself to tell her. and its not like i just thought of this yesterday. i’ve been feeling this way for about a year. its just been stressin me this summer and its really getting to me now. i’ll just have to suck it up and tell her. I HATE DOING THIS!!!

Kool hugs to you, I know this is stressing you. Think about the last time you had to do something you dreaded, bet it went better than you thought and maybe you even chuckled afterwards about how much you worried for no reason. Maybe? We all have survived tons of stuff in the past that we spent time worrying about and now have to think back to remember because it is in the past and done. You will do fine, take a deep breath and just tell her and get it over with for everyones sake. I have problems like this too. My friends say you must like to carry all the weight of the world on your shoulders, so they taught me Trumans saying " right or wrong make a decision" and I tell myself that all the time.

:thinking: THANKS!! i like that… i’ll have to remember that!

Of course you do. But we can’t be all things to all people without wearing ourselves out. One of the hardest things to learn is to say no, especially to people who we are afraid it might hurt. But to be honest, how she reacts is up to her. She’s going to have her big fancy wedding with or without you, and maybe, if she does get upset, someday she’ll have kids and responsibilities that can’t be easily passed off, and realize what she was asking. Her wedding may be the most important thing to her, but not to anyone else.

When adults’ lives are centered around their friends, then friendship is the most important thing. When you have a brood of children for whom you are responsible, then everything else takes a back seat.

When my kids were little, I went away twice by myself. Both times I felt it was necessary to have either my MIL or my sister come to stay because, even though their father had these kids since they were babies, and saw all that I had to do for them, he just wouldn’t have been able to do it without taking his frustration out by yelling at them.

I’m not saying he’s a bad man, little kids were just not his forte. When it came to college admissions papers and scholarships and such he was the champ.

So that’s my two cents.

Carmell–you have to take care of your needs, too. :heart:

The sooner you do it, though, the better for her. Tell her TOMORROW. Or, since she’s in Cali and its 2 hours earlier there, NOW. You dont want her worrying or freakin out about things any closer to THE DAY than she has to.

ok i’m going to tell her today. thanks you all. you have made this a lot easier for me hearing both sides!!! :heart: :heart: :heart: