OT: Need Advice

ok everyone I have this person that is suppossed to be my best friend freind since 5th grade and Im 22 years old :?eyebrow: ok so heres the story:
My dog rascal was diagnosed with terminal cancer on Oct 28th. The Doc said she would probably only live for another 3 to 6 months. Well we chose the option of keeping her alive on meds to keep her at her best quality of life…if she got worse we planned on getting her put to sleep so she would not suffer…we didnt want that for her. Well I was of course hysterical when I found out. All throughout the time frame my dog was sick and I was upset I would try to get out to take my mind off of things, so I would make plans with my friend to go out. Every single time she would never show up, she wouldnt call me to let me know the plans were cancelled :grrr: instead I would sit in and try to call her house and cell phone but no answer till after a while(hours later) I got ahold of her and asked her what happened? She would reply oh I stayed at the daycare late so my aunt could do this and that (numerous excuses like shopping, take her baby a walk etc)as if it was no big deal GRRR We had plans that isnt right!

Ok so in addition to her exhibiting this rudeness oh I dont know…18 times or more. She would begin to act like a hypochondriac which she did before but not to this extent :doh: It got so bad that she started only calling to talk or coming out once a week if that. So saturday night my fiance was working and I woke up to find rascal terribly ill :pout I was so besides myself that I called my best friend and told her what was going on, she hinted shes sick again blah blah blah woe is me :wall: oh and at this point I hadnt seen her for about two weeks or heard from her so then in despair I pretty much begged her to come over just to sit with me…I said this through my tears and mind you I never ask her to do anything for me its always the other way around! After I pretty much begged and said it was just till Kyle came home she said ok. She said she needed to get showered and shell call me before she comes over. So I said ok and hung up the phone.

I called her back about 2 hours later and her sister said she went to bed and told her not to wake her up shell call me back. Needless to say she didnt call me back and Rascal died the next afternoon in my fiance and my arms :crying: As I mourned for my dog the next couple days I said NO this is where I draw the line I will not call her to let her know what happened she should call me for once its a two way street. am I right?!

Today her brother came over he is our friend as well and called her to see if she was coming out even though I told him no dont :-x and she asked to talk to me I said hello in an emotionless voice and all I said is are you coming out today or what and she said no but Im making you something with my sewing machine in a whiny voice but ill be out tommorrow I said ok bye and hung up.

How do I convey how mad and upset I am! I felt like saying shove it up your :!!!: Things can not buy my friendship. So I need to know what to do? Im always the meek mild friend who gets walked on and I have had it! She still doesnt even know my Rascy is dead…what a good friend :roll:

I am sorry that your Rascal passed away. It’s so hard when our furry (or feathery or scaly or finny) companions live such short lives.

I don’t have any advice in regard to your friend :frowning: .

I’m so sorry you have been put through so much! :hug: Your doggy looked like such a sweet girl! And it’s even worse having to feel betrayed like this by a friend. I believe people like this rarely change. As much as it hurts now… is it better to let the friendship go or keep giving her the opportunity to hurt you more? She seems pretty self-absorbed. Maybe she will come around and see what she has become, but waiting for that isn’t your responsibility.

I don’t think I’m very good with advice… but we KH’ers are always here to listen!!!


Sorry about the loss of your dog. :hug:

It sounds like your friend really let you down when you needed her the most.

Perhaps she is going through something personal that she just hasn’t told you about. She also may at a loss as to what to do for you right now and has stayed away. :shrug:

Why don’t you just focus on working through your grief. Let time pass, and let your friend be. If she comes around, then fine. If not, accept it, don’t hold grudges, and move on. You’ll only complicate your life if you hold on to feelings of anger and resentment.

So sorry…sounds like horrible timing for a falling-out with a friend.


:hug: Thanks everyone Rascal has been gone for a week after tommorow yet it feels like forever and I still miss her soo much :verysad: Thats why Im keeping myself busy and knitting alot :teehee: Yes I have tried to let her come around the thing is she is just gonna call me tomorrow and act like nothing has ever happened and she does this all the time. I cant let her walk on me NO more!

I am so very sorry to hear about your lil girl. I am happy she got to have her last moments in loving arms. :heart:

I had/have a friend very much like this. We were best friends several years ago. Loved each other immensly, always there… but then things changed. And now she is very much like your “friend” I ended up cutting off all contact with her. I was annoyed with her random calls to vent or cry or something about her, and the second I wanted to talk about my life, she would have to go… or something. Every time she has disappointed me she gets all sad and promises me something…and never comes through.

I have stopped answering when she calls, and limited our contact to work. At work we barely talk anymore. It usually runs along the lines of “How are you?” and the niceties. But nothing personal anymore, and I couldn’t be happier. We just aren’t friends anymore… Tho the really hard part will be her finding out she isn’t invited to my wedding… But no one from work is… :shrug:

Basically, I believe that people come into your life for a reason. Some are there for the long haul, and some are only passing through. Sometimes there comes a time when their presence in your life doesn’t give you what you need anymore, and vice versa, and you move on with what you had gained from that relationship.

You could always try and talk to her to let her know how you see things and how you feel about it, and find out what she has to say. (if she shows up…) But maybe she’s a friend to let go, or even, a friend you only see a couple times a year to catch up. Eitherway, I am sorry she’s let you down when you really needed it. And I am sorry you had to go through such a loss.

Good Luck!

:heart: :heart: :heart:

:hug: I’m so sorry about your dog. :pout: My coworker’s dog just died of lymphoma, it’s so sad. :hug:

As far as your friend…I know you’ve known her a long time, and you’ve had good times together.

But you said you’re the meek and mild friend, and you always get walked on. It sounds like this has been going on for a lot longer than just a few months. A friendship is supposed to be a two-way street, and she sounds like she’s treating it like a one-way street. You don’t deserve that, and if that IS how it really is, then you shouldn’t take that. :-x

I’m passive-aggressive enough that if it was me, I’d probably just wind up cutting that person out of my life. Life is too short to waste being hurt by people who don’t care about you as much as you care about them.

But it sounds like you want to work things out with her, too. You need to talk to her tomorrow, alone, and tell her exactly how she made you feel through these last few months. How you felt when she stood you up without a word, when she wouldn’t sit with you while your dog was dying so she could sleep. And you need to make it clear that while you love her and want her to be a part of your life, that you can’t be friends with her if this is how she’s going to treat you. And give her another chance–she might realize how awful she’s been treating you, and really and truly turn around her behavior. Some people are just oblivious, and she might need that “slap in the face” to realize how great a friend and person you are.

And if she doesn’t? She’s not worth your time. I’m sorry if I sound really harsh, but I’ve been burned before. :hug:

Whatever YOU decide, because it is YOUR life and we can’t tell you what to do, only what we think you should do, I wish you the best of luck. :heart:

I’m very sorry about your dog. That’s a difficult thing to go through.

About your friend, I can’t add anything that hasn’t already been said. :hug:

Sorry to read about your loss. I know how that hurts.

As for your “friend”, I would just not waste any more effort on her. If she makes an overt attempt to buddy up again make sure to tell her exactly how you feel and clear the air, but otherwise just let it go.

A big +1 to that statement! Life’s too short for non-caring people like that.
Sorry about your doggie. :pout:

:hug: :heart: I’m sorry about Rascal :pout: I’m sorry about your “fair-weather friend” too. (Thank goodness you have your fiance to count on.)

Once when I was going through a rough time and trying to share my feelings with a (male) friend of mine, he told me that I should only be cheerful around other people because no one likes a depressed person. The nerve, huh? Some people just can’t or don’t know how to relate to others unless everything is hunky dory. (To his credit, at least he let me know what I could expect from him instead of being duplicitous and breaking promises to hang out with me – that was very uncool of your friend.) Well, I continued to hang out with this person, but made my expectations more realistic – he was a certain kind of friend whom I did certain types of things with, and that was it. If I needed a shoulder to cry on, I went elsewhere. On the flip side, I also had another close male friend whom I could talk to about anything but never really hung out with. And that was okay too. (Somehow, my female friends have been better at providing both, though I’m sure there are a lot of individual differences within both genders.)

Anyway I’m not sure why I’m sharing this. I guess I think you should let your friend know how you feel, and see what happens. Maybe you can still be friends but just adjust your expectations as I did with my friend. Or maybe you’ll decide that it’s not worth it unless she can give you more. (Regardless, I’d definitely say she isn’t “best friend” material.)

Gawd. I just re-read this and realized I sound like Dear Abby or something. The truth is that I’m really quite the social misfit, and probably have no right giving advice on the subject. Still, I think there’s some validity in what I said – maybe you should just keep in mind that it came from someone who’s not necessarily typical or well-adjusted. :teehee: But please also know that I am being sincere, and wish the best for you. :heart:

I’m so sorry about your friend Rascal! It’s hard to lose our fuzzy buddies. :pout: :hug: :hug: :hug:

As for your “friend”… frankly she’s not much of a friend. A friend is someone who is there for your in good times and in bad. A friend is someone who cares about you and even if something comes up they let you know. I wouldn’t waste any more energy on her. If someday she asks why you stopped calling tell her the truth and let it go. :hug:

Sorry about rascal.


One of the hardest things about being an adult is realizing that what was right for us as kids, in terms of friendship may not be right for us as we grow. It shouldn’t have to be so traumatic for the two of you. It’s okay to accept that you shared a wonderful relationship as kids. Nothing is going to take away from that, even if the friendship isn’t meant to last. Sometimes we don’t even realize that we have changed and our friends haven’t. You’ll be suprised, but it’s possible that you’ll rediscover your friendship in a few years. It isn’t worth ending it badly. Just let it go.

I truly understand what you’re going though, and how hard it is. During April last year, my dog died from a brain tumor. Around the same time, my best friend (also since 5th grade) and I had a very big falling out, and went our separate ways. Both events upset me greatly, and it took months for me to fully move on. It’s a horrible feeling when a pet dies; after all, he was a family member. Something that helped me when my Joey died was knowing that we gave her the best life possible, and at the very end, she just couldn’t go on. While it seems unlikely now, know that things will get better. You will never forget, but you’ll be able to remember the happier times as well.

As for your “friend,” I agree with the others who say the best thing to do is to cut her off. It’s extremely hard, especially at a time when you need someone. But, in the end, she’ll only cause you more pain.

Best of luck to you.

Boy it sounds like you’ve been through a lot. I’m so sorry about your little pup, she’s so cute in those pics. I’m sorry about this situation with your friend too. I know its hard to feel like you’ve lost a friend even when things aren’t going so good with them. I’ve experienced this before and no matter how bad it was with that friend, it still makes you feel bad about the situation because you’ve known each other for so long. The only advice I can give you is to let her know how you feel. She sounds pretty self absorbed, but letting her know what is going on could be a good idea. If she seems unresponsive to this, then probably the best thing is to let her go so you can free your life of her negative energy. I hope things work out for you, and remember all your KH friends are always here!

So sorry for your loss. :frowning:

I didnt read all the comments so this may be a repeat.

I have a family member who is now very old and acts in the same manner. This family member is very self centered, Im sure she would be diagnosed as a narcissist. For years I didnt see it. But all the sudden our entire relationship revealed itself. She would only do things for me if it was convenient and if it made her look good (like making something for me.) We were close, but only because I made her look good. Once I had some issues she was nowhere to be found. But when things are wonderful and important she is there. <roll eyes> But never there when I really need her. If this person wasnt family, I would choose never to see her again.

My advice is ignore her. She may mature but she may not. I wouldnt waste anymore time on her. I might even tell her as well. I may consider writing a letter. Seek new friendships, deepen some you may have let go. You did have history, but maybe it wasnt as great as you thought it was. I know its hard, especially since I am assuming she was going to be your maid of honor.

Life is too short to nurse sucky friends. Too short.

Wow I’m opionionated this morning.