My DH is not doing well lately. It seems that just when he starts to get better something happens and he’s right back where he started from. We went to a Christmas party where he picked up a cold, which turned into pneumonia. He has pulmonary problems to begin with. Now the remnants of the pneumonia and the chemo have effected his appetite so now he’s not eating or he’s eating very little. I just want to cry sometimes because I don’t know what to do. I wish I could make the cancer and the pulmonary fibrosis and all the other crap go away. He has gotten so old in just 2 years. I want him to be happy and healthy again. We try to be positive and laugh and tell jokes but some days, like today, reality creeps in and we both get scared and I fight back tears all day. I don’t let him see me cry because I have to be strong for him. Today as we were driving home from yet another doctor’s appointment I thought I want to just pack a bag, throw it in the car and drive leaving everything behind. When the feeling passed I felt like, well you know. Knitting and this site are at least 2 things that keep me sane. I normally would not say any of this to anyone but I feel that I can trust all of you. Oh man, I’m sorry if I got whiny, I hope you all won’t judge me too harshly. Thanks for letting me vent.