OT - Daughter's Babysitting Issue (Again)

Hi y’all.

Some of you may remember my posting last week about what my daughter should do regarding being shorted $5 pay for cleaning the kitchen of the child she babysits for (the mother, my friend, offered her this money with a clear request to take care of the dishes).

Anyhow, my dd was too shy to take care of this, so I let it go. I did give her your suggestions, but she didn’t use them.

So, this week she only worked seven hours on Monday. My friend decided she didn’t need my daughter to sit Tuesday or today because her daughter would be playing at a friend’s house. My friend and I work at the same place, and she gave me an envelope with $$ for my daughter for Monday’s work.

When my daughter opened the envelope, she discovered that she had been shorted for one hour’s worth of work.

:::::::::::::::::Sigh::::::::::::::::::::::;

Now, I personally think it’s another oversight, but my dd will NOT stick up for herself. I did tell her that if she had done a spreadsheet to mount to my friend’s fridge (where she could write her hours down), then she could have used that for reference.

Anyhow, my daughter is angry, frustrated, and too uncomfortable to say anything.

Ideas??? I am really not sure if I should step in now. What do you think? BTW, my dd is 15.

IMHO it’s up to her. She needs to learn to speak up for herself. It’s not something you can do for her or push her into doing for herself. When she gets fed up enough she’ll handle it.

You know, Mason, you have a good point. I just think she’ll continue to let it go. I told her that the only thing that is going to happen is that her resentment and anger are going to continue to build. That is not the right way to go.

Last time I posted about this issue, someone mentioned my modeling what she should do. I’m starting to wonder if I should do that. The mom and I ride together to work sometimes. So I usually arrive back at her house and take my daughter home with me (even though we live down the street from each other). That would be a good time, except that my dd won’t be sitting for her next week.

What to do, what to do…:wall:

Honestly, I think you should stay out of it. This is a business contract between your daughter and her client. You should make suggestions, but leave the decision up to her. It’s really the only way she’s going to learn how to deal with the real world.

Being an incredibly shy child myself, regardless of how upset I got, I wouldn’t have ever said anything to an adult saying that I felt I wasn’t being treated fairly (well, except my mom).

Now, I don’t have kids, so I can’t 100% relate, but the fact that my mom stood up for me when I didn’t have the guts to as a kid didn’t hinder my ability to stand up for myself now that I’m an adult.

Personally, I think you should mention something to your friend about both occassions. Yes, you need to be a good example, and it’s important for a kid to learn to stick up for themselves… but it’s a little different when it’s a kid dealing with another kid compared to a kid dealing with an adult.

Being an incredibly shy child myself, regardless of how upset I got, I wouldn’t have ever said anything to an adult saying that I felt I wasn’t being treated fairly (well, except my mom).

Now, I don’t have kids, so I can’t 100% relate, but the fact that my mom stood up for me when I didn’t have the guts to as a kid didn’t hinder my ability to stand up for myself now that I’m an adult.

Personally, I think you should mention something to your friend about both occassions. Yes, you need to be a good example, and it’s important for a kid to learn to stick up for themselves… but it’s a little different when it’s a kid dealing with another kid compared to a kid dealing with an adult.

Edited to add: That being said, I think your daughter NEEDS to document her working hours. Then, if there is another dispute, there is documented evidence to back her up.
If she’s not willing to do that simple thing, then there’s no need for you to step in. If she’s not willing to take any measures to cover herself and her work, then she needs to accept responsibility for her lack of actions.

Could just be a difference in how we were raised ourselves. I was raised to be very independent and self-sufficient, but I can see the other view as well.

In the end, it’s your kid and your friend.

15’s a tough age. You don’t want to be treated like a child, but you still want the safety net of being able to run to your parents when you’re in trouble. (At least I did.)

I was raised to be very independant and self-sufficient too. But I was also raised that a child should never talk back to an adult, and I would have felt that telling an adult they hadn’t given me enough money would be included in that.

It’s a really sticky situation and I hope you can work something out. :hug:

hmmm… maybe you could give the mom a heads up that your daughter wants to talk to her and maybe that will prompt a conversation. You could probably also offer to be with DD while they talk about it. That way DD would know that you are supporting her without you having to do it for her.

Not a bad suggestion.

Hmmm…yes, I think it is a good idea as well. It’s a little bit of both suggestions.

I’ll have to feel out my friend in the morning when we get to work. We’re both there early (we work part-time and like to get out quickly). With the quiet time, it would be conducive to mentioning that.

I might run it by my daughter to see how she feels about it.

There’s other stuff going on too, but I know my daughter will definitely not address those issues. My friend basically has my daughter “on-call,” despite asking her to b’sit for the summer. Dd has counted her $$ ahead of time with the schedule she was given. The schedule is changed weekly, often with prior notice only given the night before. It’s been very frustrating.

Dd tells me that this is the last summer she will sit because of the frustrations.

Thanks for the good suggestions! I really appreciate y’all “listening.”

:muah:

You should definitely discuss it with your daughter first as it is her issue. She might be very offended if you don’t. (I know I would be in her place)

She’s generally offended by everything I do, so this would be no surprise. :teehee:

That goes with the age :rofling:

Nawwwww, it’s the child. She’s been this way since she was 2.

Now, when she hits 30 and has a couple of kids of her own kids who are just like her…[I]then[/I] it will be different.

:rofling:

Sounds familiar…

Whenever I was being bratty my mom would tell me “I can’t WAIT till you have kids of your own!” :rofling::rofling:

(It wasn’t just me being bratty though… she was going through a very rough time as we were realizing she was being diagnosed with bi-polar.)

IMHO:

Ok Been there done that, weathered the storm & survived w/ friend & daughter still talking to me.

Sit down w/ daughter show her how to make a m-f exel and make copies. Show her how one time.

She Writes a short letter to friend w/ 2 empty forms in envelope. Letter states: Since it is summer & you did request me to babysit would you do me the following favor:

Please list at least 1 week ahead of time the schedule you would like me to work and give it to my mom.

I’ll bring it with me to work and at the end of each day we’ll initial the day’s work.

I want to treat this babysitting as the job it is. This way I know 1 week ahead of time when to plan and how much $ I can budget.

I do request that we do this each week. You had told me prior that you wanted me to work each week. I know Mom counts on working her schedule, as do you. Please give me the same courtesy.

Thank you,

dd’s name

I helped my DD do this the first time. Each week she took the schedule filled out by the mom to the first day she worked. and picked the next week’s schedule she had left on her last day of the previous week, empty to be filled out by the Mom.

15 is hard. and your DD is struggling to overcome some challanges. This way you show by example, help her start, then she can continue.
Sorry for so long, but wanted to explain it fully.

Just what worked for me…

good luck

Hi Snowbear!!!

:muah::hug:

I think that the schedule idea is really good. I think if we phrased it as “confirmation of next week’s schedule,” then it won’t come across wrong.

This is a very delicate situation. My friend’s dh is my dh’s boss. We’re all the same age, and the guys came up together through the company. She and I are starting to grow close. It’s just so darned awkward.

But I still need to help my daughter.

Thanks a bunch!!!

Thanks for the idea. I will definitely try to help my daughter incorporate them.

Not to sound harsh or anything but I personally think that you should leave it to your DD to take care of the situation herself. I was always a very shy kid and my mom did a lot for me. After a while she stepped out letting me handle things for myself and if she didn’t do this I probably would’ve been a lot less self sufficient. I think that if you leave this up to your DD it’ll be a lesson to her that either she can let it keep happening to her or stand up for herself (despite how unconfortable she might be) and handle the situation. Good luck whatever you decide to do.