Sometimes I wish we had a “waah” page for when we want to post all our :!!!: 's and :waah: 's.
I have been having such a hard time with my new job (been there just since August) and it seems that some days I am so up and then WHAM, by day’s end I am an emotional wreck.
I had worked in such a toxic unhappy environment that only got worse as the years rolled on in my last job that after 11 years I finally had the guts to feel worth enough to find another job. It’s been hard for me to learn new tricks because my last job was so mind numbing. I went into this one feeling like I would just put all the old habits and feelings behind me, be quiet and start out on a great foot. Because there is so much to learn, along with my horrible need to be perfect at my job that I get so stressed, emotional, and upset that I am a blubbering pile of tears at least once a week in my car on the way home or I crawl into bed and cry. I have made several friends but there are some that make me crazy for the cliques they have developed and when I vent to my friends about it, someone hears, and the next thing I know my team leader is telling me if I have issues I need to pop into her office and talk about it. Translation: don’t gossip. This actually just happened today and I am now in a horrible mood thinking that I am going to get fired or get poor job performance reviews, etc. when the people around me that act so superior get no talking to for being the way they are. I guess my problem is I vent and I cannot keep it to myself. They say tht you have to talk to your management if you have problems but it seems to me that I can’t just b!tch to my boss without soundling like a whiner, but the way I am getting this off my chest is not doing me any good. I can’t understand why I keep getting myself deeper and deeper into being perceived as such a sucky person, but I feel like it is all my fault and that I can’t take better control of my bad habits.
Does anyone have any words of wisdom? I am always told, “dont’ worry about it, get over it” but I feel like if this bothers me this much, is it really me or is everyone around me really this crappy? I’m sick of feeling like such a loser. It seems like all I get is “you need to… you should do…” and basically everyting negative and rarely anything positive. "you are too hard on yourself, you take too much crap from people, you try too hard, it’s not your job to…you make too big a deal out of things"
I don’t criticize or point out other people’s shortcomings because it’s not my place. I work in customer service on the phones, we are monitored and I figure if my work mates say or do something wrong, the quality folks will hear it and deal with it. but other people have no problem telling me if they feel I have said or done something i shouldn’t have. which i might add is usually a procedural mistake and not that I ever say or do anything offensive or inappropriate…
How do you boost your self esteem when you have somehow established yourself as a dork? Am I doomed to be labeled as a loser?
Thanks in advance to any brave soul who reads this diatribe and even more thanks if you chose to respond… :verysad: