Ok, this is way OT but I’m seeking advice from as many sources as I can!
So, I am dating this lovely boy and he’s very nice. We’ve been dating since October-ish, we hang out a lot, he has a puppy so we walk the dogs together, etc etc. We have a lot in common but, you know, it’s a very new relationship.
I made him a hat for Xmas and another one this weekend for a ski trip. He got me a fun book about dogs AND a very generous gift certificate to my LYS (he thinks knitting is super cool, yup he’s a keeper :teehee:).
My birthday is coming up this Friday and he’s going to be away on a pre-planned ski trip in CO. He felt really bad about missing it, but it’s so not a big deal to me. I don’t really like celebrating my birthday anyway. But I suggested we go out for a nice dinner before he leaves. So he took me out to a really really really nice dinner Monday evening. We had a great time, I was thrilled. He also got me a cute card with a personal note. Yay! Birthday is fun and over, right?
…nope not so much…
He comes over last night to pick me up, we’re heading out to Borders so I can spend some Xmas gift cards. He says “Oh here, I did get you a little something.”
And it’s a good sized box, like maybe shoe sized. And I think, “Wow, that’s unnecessary but really nice. Did he get me shoes? He knows me well!”
So I open said box. And. HE BOUGHT ME A LAPTOP!!! Like, a really really nice one. He’s a computer programmer, and I know he got a deal but still…this is like, gotta be over a $1000. I’m totally flummoxed. I feel like I can’t accept this gift, but he wants me to have it so badly. He’d be so insulted if I refused it, how can I even refuse it? How do you do that?
I was seriously speechless. I mean I said things like “Wow” and “Thank you” and “I can’t accept this…can I? Wow…crazy” etc etc etc. It was clear I was very happy. But I feel like it’s inappropriate to accept a gift of this magnitude!
But he’s so proud of himself because he thinks it’s a perfect gift because:
[li]My laptop is old as dirt and might as well be a paperweight[/li][li]It crashes, freezes, overheats, etc etc etc[/li][li]I’m gonna need a new computer for grad school[/li][li]I’m computer nerdy and I’d love a new computer.[/li][li]He is morally, personally and professionally offended by the state of my current computer. :teehee:[/ol]And the thing is: Of course he’s right!! This is an amazing gift, I’m thrilled, I love it and it’s not something I can afford for myself. But yikes! Why am having such a problem with this? I guess I sort of feel beholden now? Like I owe him something? Even though I know that’s not true, and I know that’s not what he intended.[/li]
The thing is, we’re the same age but I’m in the human services field and he’s a computer programmer. He makes [I]significantly[/I] more money than I do. I mean probably about 5 times as much, honestly. So I know that this gift is not actually a financial hardship or anything on him, but it would be for [I]me[/I] and I feel so guilty. Especially since “all” I’ve gotten him are a couple of handmade hats and plans for a dog sweater and some argyle socks. (I say “all” because I feel a little cheap, but like I said he thinks the hand knits are totally impressive).
Oy. Wow. I rambled for awhile.
So Ladies, Gentlemen, Fellow Poor Folk Headed Back to School: What do I do? Do I keep this amazing gift? Do I give it back? If I give it back how do I approach that without totally crushing him? (I feel like this is sorta the modern day equivalent of accepting expensive jewelry from a man who’s not your fiance/husband–which is an etiquette no-no).
As my roommate said, “Hey if your only problem with this guy is accepting a generous gift…let’s trade places.” But still–I’m all ears here!!!