I won’t bog down with details. But I have now been sick for over a year, beginning in October 2006. Wow. Can’t believe it’s been so long.
I went home from work sick, thinking I had a virus. That turned into three days of being unable to do as much as take a sip of water without feeling like I’d been punched in the gut. I lost 6 pounds in those three days, and I wasn’t physically ill. It just… came off. The third day I got scared. I woke up with my heart pounding and racing. My doctor wanted me to wait a week to come in. I wanted in NOW.
Anyhow. It’s been a year now, with more doctors appointments than I think I ever had before in my life. I’ve had every test imaginable, gone to see specialists… I dropped a good 40 pounds in about three months at the beginning. But it’s been a year now, and I’m now waiting to see a new specialist. Been waiting a month or so already and must wait for March to get in.
A year that I have been miserable almost every day. For almost two months all I could eat were popsicles and I was completely full. I can eat more now… I was restricted to almost nothing when they were testing me. I was on so many medicines that bottles line the shelf.
But I’m tired everyday. And unmotivated. And 9 days out of 10 I feel miserable. Sick and miserable. I can’t plan things because it all can change in a matter of minutes. And I feel horrible because I know I am no fun anymore. I just know it.
So today I’m looking at my first free weekend where I could have fun, and the last free weekend before Christmas. And I feel awful.
Guess I’m just frustrated and sad, is all.