Need Advice

Lounge
21

I’ve been with my husband for 18 years (married for 15 of em), but even though I’m not looking, I can see what I would not like in this guy or that… and likewise, I know when I could be attracted to a guy. I think if he’s making your wife angry and annoyed most of the time, I have to think that maybe he’s just a good ol’ butthead. :teehee:

Maybe that came out wrong, but do you know what I mean? If he’s annoying, I’d not want to be around him even for a platonic relationship, let alone in a dating scene. If a guy is overbearing, or trying too hard, brash, unrefined, lacks basic good manners, talks about himself too much, brags and tries to impress, I’d say he’s annoying.

I get the feeling he’s trying too hard and not really thinking about the woman. Some guys have a hard time seeing a female as anything more than a curvy man… meaning they think that what works with his buddies should work with her. That’s soooo not so. And the men with all the ladies hanging on every word know this.

Straight up, he needs a wingman/woman. Someone who’s going to smack him in the head and tell him that’s so not cool. Maybe he’ll start to learn. :wink:

22

He sounds like he might have undercurrents of hostility.
If so, I would tell him to lose them first thing.
If not, sorry for misinterpreting.

23

I think if you’re not willing to have a woman as “just a friend” you will never be successful in a romantic relationship.

It sounds like maybe when he does meet women he would be the type to try and put his “assets on the table”. You know, “I have this…” “I have that…” “I can afford this…” I don’t know any woman who is into that type of thing. It makes a man come off as lacking in confidence, and frankly weak.

When men have the attitude that they have to “provide” for the little women, they come across as though they have no belief that their personality will be acceptable.

It also strikes me (the born 50 years too late thing), that he really doesn’t understand relationships. the 1950’s as portrayed on T.V. is little woman at home, cooking/cleaning/being told what is right/father know’s best kind of thing. Now days T.V. portrays, father’s and idiot/mother puts up with it, lets father think he knows what to do/what’s going on, while she slyly fixes everything. Neither of these interpretations of family life or relationships is correct. But with some men it’s easy for them to romantasize the 50’s portrayal.

Relationships unlike juciers are not “as seen on t.v.” branded. Has he ever had a girlfriend? How/where is he trying to meet women?

No offense but your friend seems a bit immature and lacking in social graces. All that being said. Personally, I am a total toilet humor kind of girl. I grew up with guys, in college all of my roomies were guys (3 guys and me), I work in an extremely male dominated field, I love that type of humor, and many of the girls I know do. No exclusively that humor, but I can get down and dirty with the best.

As for qualities in a man? Loyality, manners, willingness to help, trustworthyness, good friends, humor, good familial relationships, and someone to whom money is not important. Enough to live yes, but someone who finds joy in life not possessions. And also important, someone who wants to listen to me, and who will laugh with me to at me when I do something dumb. :lol:

24

I agree that you’re friend comes of as quite immature. And Iza does raise an [U]excellent[/U] question: [B]Why does he want a woman?[/B] By identifying a precise reason(s), he (or YOU :wink: ) can make a more informed decision as to how to adjust his approach and/or determine if he needs to take closer look at himself for re-evaluation rather than simply trying to figure out “what women want”. :thinking:

Don’t get wrong, I don’t advocate changing yourself to suite others for sheer sake of pleasing someone else. However, if you want something bad enough and for logical reasons, the subject of compromising comes to mind. Besides, he can’t really change [B]who[/B] he is … but he can certainly update himself if he finds that he needs to.

As for what makes me do a double take for a guy: Gotta have a personality; Must be trustworthy; Must have a sense of humor; Must be humble; Must be open-minded. And for —k’s sake, leave the damn one-liner, meat-market mentality where it belongs - in the garbage disposal!! :ick:

25

Wow, just wow, I definitely appreciate all the replies. From what I know of what he wants, they would have to like what he has, it’s okay if they want to work, but I get the feeling that he would prefer it if they do not. He does tend to judge by appearances, and doesn’t want a woman who is even slightly overweight, granted, he’s skinny, and fairly muscled, but not what any of the women who know him would call handsome. she should know how to cook, clean and in general take care of him, and unfortunately, he doesn’t know how to cook or clean. neither is really hard to learn, but he doesn’t want to try it.

*Well I just talked with my better half, and she had said that the reason she gets annoyed by him, is all the childishness, such as the “pull my finger” and thinking farting on somebody is hilarious…okay, side note, it’s not the actual fart, it’s the look on people’s faces that he gets a kick out of…and most importantly, she hates putting in an idea for his problem, only to be interrupted two words into it.

26

Comes across creepy. Wants a woman to take care of him. Won’t accept flaws like weight. Sorry, your friend is doomed.

Seriously, I don’t intend to be harsh, but he’s the type of man from which most women run.

27

Heh, no need to apologize to me, I was the one who was asking for the advice. no, the real question is now, do I tell him everything I’ve learned from you gals? I am his friend, and as tough as it is, he’s easily hurt.

28

Can I ask how old he is?

When I first started reading this thread, I was going to ask how he and your wife get along, but if he doesn’t believe in having female friendships, I don’t think he’s going to find a real ‘partner’. But there are women out there looking to be provided for and are fine with a ‘business deal’, you just won’t find them here.

29

yeah, he’s 35…no, really, he is.

30

i think he needs to first realize a great relationship starts with friendship. everyone i know in a longterm relationship is truely friends with thier partner. if he can’t get past that point, then just about every relationship he enters will probably fail.
there are plenty of women out there who will find him funny and decent, but if he can’t even picture being just friends with a woman, he won’t ever move past that to a relationship. :shrug:
i definatly think he should join a local car club where he will meet others with similar interests, and maybe a woman willing to give him a chance. me and my dh hit it off the first night we met (in late 2000), and were inseperatable ever since! he was completely himself, and so was i.
i think your friend[B][I] really [/I][/B]needs to learn to relax and be interested in what any woman he is talking to has to say. i am a wife who is ‘taken care of’ :rollseyes: but i am respected and treated as an equal. i see lots more lonely years ahead if he can’t even listen to what a woman has to say.
btw-my dh has a friend a lot like yours.he married a very quiet girl, who is very much a wall flower and i can’t stand him. overbearing and loud and thinks everyone thinks just like him. or should.:ick: