Kitty doesnt like me

i have had this cat for nine years
pretty little girl
she came from a shelter and we were told that she was abused
she has never been very close to me
but she adores my husband
now i know she isnt sick
been to the vet rec ently
she sits under the bed when my husband leaves
and if he stays long she wont eat
the other day i found her sitting next to the kitty litter in the
laundry room
it really bothers me
i have a feeling that she was beaten by a woman and catsd dont forget
is there anything i can do to get her to sit with me
when or at least stay in the same room when my husband is out

I am sorry, not sure if you can do anything but a couple of things pop in to my mind when I think of this:

What I would do if I were you is when your hubby is around, and maybe when he is holding her, try petting her as much as you can. Maybe she would learn that you are not a “bad guy” then. Also try to get her through her stomach, does she like canned cat food? If so, buy her some and try feeding her, open it up and put it in a bowl then sit next to it (but not too close) with maybe your knitting. When and if she comes to eat it, don’t do anything, just sit there. After doing this for a while, try to pet her while she is eating, this maybe a way for her to learn to trust you. She is a cat, and from my experience, most cats can’t go too long without food, especially when its canned!

Does the shelter know what happened to her, as in was it a malre or female that abused her? Do they have any info on this, I would check it out and see what they say. And it maybe that she just likes your hubby, just know that you never did anything to her to make her not like you. It sounds like she is much happier with both of you then where she was, it just may take a while for her to learn to trust you.

Good Luck!

:frowning: Poor kitty, poor you. I like the ideas above. Cat nip too when you are there with hubby, then more often when he is not, or cover your hands in tuna fish and have her come running? :wink:

hi and thanks for your replies
i do pet her when she sits on him either
she leaves or she gives me her butt
bad manners
but i never thought of the food and i will try it
it has been about 9 years since i got her
and they did tell me that she was abused
i love her and it hurts me when she would rather sit under the bed
than sit with me
but i will try getting her to sit with me when e are alone
this is a good kitty
you can leave all yarn around and she doesnt go near it
perfect cat for a knitter

My step-daughter behaved the same way :wink:

If it’s 9 years there may not be anything you can do. Maybe you could get a kitten and let the older cat see that you treat the new cat OK. Otherwise, you may just need to be as loving as you can be to this cat, but expect nothing in return. Just think how hurt she must have been if she’s STILL not trusting after all this time.

Have you talked with your vet about how she is around you? Maybe they could give you some ideas on how to get her to warm up to you.

Although 9 years is quite a long time. I’m sorry it has to be this way…just love her when you can, that’s all that really matters. Just love her. :hug:

Sometimes cats can just be finiky like that. Its hard when you just want some kitty love, which in my opinion is one of the best loves you can get.
Having 3 cats, my advice to you would be this:
If you have food available to her all the time, pick it up when your husband is there. If you feed her at a certain time, delay it. You want her to have hubby there so she feels everything is safe and normal, except that she is a bit hungry.
Then have him leave and when he does, give her some food. Let her see you as one who provides sustinance and tasty things. Find a treat she likes and give her one every time she comes out when he is gone. Hopefully if you are the treat giver and the tummy filler then she will start to warm to you.

Also, watch her body language. Cats have very very sensitive skin. In some cats, petting them against the growth of hair is actually painful. Pet a couple of times and watch her tail. Cats speak with their tail a lot. If the end is wiggling a little thats fine. But if she thumps it or swishes it back and forth, thats a sign to back off.

Good luck. Expecting a 9 year old kitty to change is asking a lot. You would probably do better to change what you do and let kitty respond or not as she wishes.

Actually, when a cat shows you her butt, it means she wants to be friends with you. For cats (and other animals too) butt sniffing is the way to meet and get to know each other. When a cat shows you the butt and puts the tail high - it usually means “i know you, i’m not afraid of you, i like you”. We have a cat that we took from the street when she was around 9 or so and she looked just fine, but was very afraid of sudden moves around her and everything sudden would freak her out. With time and lots and lots of love she got used to us and got used to our moves and voices. She’s still very independent and won’t come to bed with us, but she likes to sit on my dh’s lap, when she wants to. When we don’t look, she plays like a little kitten. It takes a lot of time and effort to win an older cat’s trust. Try to talk to her a lot in soothing and calm voice - they respond to that too. Good luck :hug:

You’ve been given a lot of good suggestions… but, honestly … sometimes cats just love one person more. I had a cat that would follow me from room to room, would only sit in my lap, would wait for me to come home by the door. It was like no one else in the house existed. She had just decided that I was ‘her human.’

thanks guys
good ideas
i didnt know about the butt thing
and i will try to do the food
thanks again

The butt thing can mean both things actually…I had a cat who wa furious with me sit with his back ot me. When my Mother turned him to face me he furiously turned around, ears flattened, and sat facing away from me again.

Chunks of vienna sausage can be very appealing to kitties by the way. :wink:

thats a picture of my cat
my husband will turn her as i move around the room
and she always end up with her backside facing me
actually i am happy that she loves him and tolerates me
i know that she has a good life with us
i would love get another cat
but i am sure that would turn her off for sure
thanks for your replies