I Really Do Hate My Animals


They are SERIOUSLY buttheads! So, I have decided to start blogging about all the ways my animals make my life miserable…lol…I am also including pictures of the suspects of wrongdoing and, the guilty parties, when I know which buttheaded animal is the guilty one…lol…Feel free to follow my misery! I must warn, however, I am a fan of expletives and use them quite casually :teehee:

That is hilarious! I thought my cat was bad for peeing in the bathtub drain and making that half of the house smell like a cat box.

Oh man, I wish my cats would pee in the bathtub! Then again, they might if they actually had access to the bathtub…The only tub is in the bathroom in my bedroom and I have to keep my bedroom door shut otherwise the jerks will crap on my bed! GRRR!! :teehee:

Sara, All my animals have given me more joy than any of the so called entertainment media.’

We love them, give them free medical care and food and in return they teach us lessons . . . first one, we are not the rulers of our domain. A writhing, whimpering, unabashed little ball of fur can cause an upheaval to any household. At least till the humans get the message.

I think Woodi said it best with her haikus. Wonderful haikus at that.
I’ve tried to do haikus and it’s very difficult to include brevity and measured language with ultimate meaning. She did it! Probably the best stuff I’ve seen in a long while. She’s very good. I think her attitude shines and adds to everything you’ve said so I’m reposting them. Jean

some cat haikus? From Woodi.

The food in my bowl
Is old, and more to the point
Contains no tuna.

So you want to play.
Will I claw at dancing string?
Your ankle’s closer.

There’s no dignity
In being sick - which is why
I don’t tell you where.

Seeking solitude
I am locked in the closet.
For once I need you.

Tiny can, dumped in
Plastic bowl. Presentation,
One star; service: none.

Am I in your way?
You seem to have it backwards:
This pillow’s taken.

Your mouth is moving;
Up and down, emitting noise.
I’ve lost interest.

The dog wags his tail,
Seeking approval. See mine?
Different message.

My brain: walnut-sized.
Yours: largest among primates.
Yet, who leaves for work?

I thought I had the only animals that drove me crazy. The cats clawed their way into the kitchen cabinets and raided the catnip stash. Clawed a hole right in the bag, chaff all over the place, and the two of them rolling around on the floor pie-eyed. One of my indoor cats managed to get outside in the flower bed when someone accidentally left the door open. Now Taste of Freedom has been hovering near the door for the last two weeks trying to make a jail break. Never a dull moment around here.

I just came up with a haiku that is more fitting of my cats…

Evil lies in wait
Oh bringer of misery
Soft as cotton balls.


My boy and girl cat have this thing that they do every day. The boy cat tries to assert his dominance over my female. He chases her around and corners her. She’s half his size. She swats him a good one on the nose and he leaves her alone. Every time we see a new scratch on his nose we say, Oh I see the Killer got you again. The Queen always wins. It’s been 10 years that he’s been doing this and the boy never learns. This is the same brave boy cat that dives under the sofa and hides every time it thunders. lol

Wow, and I thought it was just us and we were doing something wrong…:roflhard:

I like the titles on your blog: The suspect, The guilty party. My cats have their moments, too. Mine are gourmet cats who will starve for three days rather than eat cat food they don’t like. Generic cat food? Not a chance. It can only be Purina brands. They will rattle the kitchen cabinet door and keep meowing if their dish is empty or the cat box needs to be cleaned. The entire apartment is their bed. They might make room for you on your bed once in a while if they feel like it. I’m beginning to think all clothing comes with cat hair. I don’t even bother picking it off anymore. If a human person doesn’t like the fact that I’m hairy, too bad. After dealing with my cats, I don’t have the energy to pick up a lint/cat hair brush.

That’s funny! Adorable pets too.

At the time of her death my Mama had 3 dogs and 5 cats. Her simple statement: “Humans can get over themselves, my pets can’t help themselves when it comes to showing me emotion. Animal hair is an accessory I wear with Pride as it is the sign of someone well loved by their pets and that takes more work than having a happy marriage.” I always loved her -isms, her sense of humor always showed through.

For what it’s worth, Saracidal, my hubby has about the same kind of luck with animals that you do. For 3 years his first wife’s cats were convinced his feet were the litter box at 2am. :roflhard:

This was posted on my Facebook.

To all my friends who don’t like the pet hair on my furniture:

*If you don’t like the pet hair, don’t sit on the furniture. This is why it’s called FUR-niture.
*My pets live here, you don’t.
*I prefer to think of my pets as three year olds with fur who walk on all fours and can’t speak.

Sara, I’ve gotta tell you about my girl cat. She is a tiny little thing. When she was 3 years old, the vet mistook her for only being 3 months old. She maybe weighs 7 pounds soaking wet. I have to protect big dogs from her because she will tear them apart. She has taken on 2 German Shepherds and a Pit Bull and had them running for their lives.

One of my sons’ friends brought over his German Shepherd. My girl cat leaped 15 feet across the room, all four paws extended. She looked like a flying squirrel. She landed on the dog’s back and started clawing. Fur was flying everywhere, and none of it was hers. Later I picked clumps of dog fur off the sofa. The poor dog ran behind me trying to get away from her, with the cat in hot pursuit. I felt sorry for the poor dog, but it was pretty funny.

i use to own two dogs at the same time. one was a mini schnauzer and one was a huskey sheppard mix. the two of them had a routine when people came to the door. the schnauzer’d always go right up to the door barking and carrying on while the husky mix just stood there. now MOST ppl would FIRST see the little dog and go ‘oh how CUTE’ THEN look up see our OTHER dog and nearly wet themselves due to they hadn’t seen her, just our schnzauer. it was always funny to see the reactions to this ‘routine’ lol

Lol, oh dear. I’ve got a 5 year old domestic short hair tabby. He’s so sly that it’s ridiculous. He REALLY likes feet for some reason and he likes when we have company. He’ll literally roll on his side and wait for our guest to rub his neck with their foot. Haha, and when they pretend he isn’t there, he’ll start wiggling toward them until they have to rub his neck.

The only thing he does that irks me is when he grabs his favorite toy and puts it in his water bowl. The toy ends up being all gross and soggy and in the end, I have to refill his bowl with water.

There’s also a stray kitten that I’ve been feeding (I guess she’s officially mine since I’ve been giving her food) and she likes to sit in my flower pots that are on the patio and crush my poor plants. Ah, animals are fascinating, aren’t they? Lol

Sara, Enjoyed your haiku. I knew you wouldn’t disappoint me with one of your own.

Very funny stories; although, pets are said to be a reflection of their caretakers. :slight_smile:

My mother used to have a black cat named Spooky. She had an artificial Christmas tree and bought a chirping bird ornament. Spooky climbed the tree after it. It was like watching a lumberjack fell a tree. It fell down sideways almost in slow motion, cat and all. Spooky did this for many Christmases. He never did figure out that the bird wasn’t real.

You really and truly made my morning. Still laughing. You love 'em, hate 'em but you wouldn’t give the stinkers up for anything.

In my cats’ defense, they are good mousers and earn their Purina. We have a 130+ year old former farm house. We get maybe one or two mice a year. Those are the ones who haven’t heard about my cats. We have a reputation with the local mouse population as being the cat house so they stay away. The cats’ fame has spread so much that we’ve had several requests to borrow them from people with mouse problems. They’re known as the “Git-er-done” cats. They just finished a gig in my son’s basement last weekend.