I need to vent a little

Hi
I’m 43 I have 4 kids 15-6 and a husband…I love my kids with all my heart and they are really good kids, but they are kids…I have been married for 17 yrs this Aug and I’m so sorry I ever married this man…he will do nothing I MEAN NOTHING,:wall: but pay the bills…no housework , no rtake the kids out to do something with them I have to be there…well I have just started back to work because I was a stay at home mom…it amazes me how some men don’t realize how you give of your self to take care of the home and the children:tap: …They think that the are better because they pay the bills…so wrong…I read the thread were the lady was talking about have just a few days to her self…I need that but it’s not happening…you know since I have started this job my husband gets home before me but will not make dinner. will not clean, will only wash his clothes forget anyone else:grrr: …he tells my oldest which is my 15 yr old son who could not boil a cup of water to fix something.:roflhard: …I try to make crock pot meals and all he has to do is turn it on and let it warm put the food on a plate…but will he oh no…how the h*$@ do we stay together I hear you say…It is only for my kids…I do not make enough to support them on my own…Now we don’t fight basically I just act like he is not here…and I do things with my kids…but I need a break…thanks to all who listen

i think you need one of these :grphug:

I’m so sorry. Marriage is difficult…especially when the other spouse does not help out. My husband had to start doing things when I went back to school. My kids also started doing more for themselves. I had to hold myself back and not do things…just so they would learn.

Anyhow, I totally understand. You have a load to carry, and he’s not doing anything to help lighten the burden.

:hug:

Big BIG BIIIIG :grphug:

Sounds like a tough transition time for you and I hope it gets better. Hopefully, like [B]AuburnChick[/B] mentioned, with time they will figure out that they have to pitch in a bit if they want clean clothes and food. They are physically able to do it but it’ll be hard for you to sit back and NOT do things for awhile. Good luck, vent often! :heart::hug:

OOOO happy,
I soooo feel for ya hun!!!:hug: I too went through that with my EX!!!
I have 7 kids all within ten years age difference and nope he wouldn’t help with the housework or the discipline. He would just go to work, come home, eat dinner n fall asleep in his easy chair. Then when I did say something, he would act like I had never mentioned it before. Bah- humbug!!!

I think the straw that broke the camels back was when I had to have emergency surgery to have my gall bladder removed (they had to do the full on operation not just the laparascopic one). So I was in the hospital for a week (talk about ahhhhh, peace n quiet). I get out of the hospital and it was just like nothing had happened. Hell I didn’t even have my stitches out yet and was pretty much forced to work like there was nothing wrong with me. Can we say, what the hell?
Now at the time all my kids were under 14 and I had 3 under the age of 7 also. I had had enough. I knew that if I stuck around much longer my sanity and me would be like ummm, gone (as in not breathing gone). Talk about major depression.

So, (now don’t ya’ll go whippin out the tar n feathers here), I left. I didn’t know where I was gonna live nor if I would have a decent job. Not to mention, the kids had a roof over their heads and their dad had a good job. So the kids stayed with their dad.
I said all that to say this, I don’t know if you will make the same very hard decisions I did, or you will be able to work this out with your husband, but I do know what you are going through and just how hard it is. I stuck it out for 16 years before I finally said that’s enough!!

As of today, I am remarried to a wonderful man who really, in my opinion, has been more of a father figure to the kids than their real dad. The three youngest now live with me and are all in highschool. The older ones all have great jobs and are going to college. And I have two of the most beautiful grandbabies anyone could ask for.

It just took a very hard decision to decide that my kids needed their parents to both be happy and that I am responsible for my own happiness and no one else.
I hope this helps. I don’t tell this to a lot of people, probably because I figure I would be judged unfairly. But I told ya’ll this to let you know that you are not alone in how you feel.:hug:

:grphug:

I know how difficult situations like this can be and I hope things work out for the best. Just don’t let your happiness get lost in the mess of things.

More like a hug and a pat on the back! :hug:

Seriously, as tough a decision as it must have been it seems pretty clear that you made the best choice for your sanity and your kids’ well being! Major props for having the courage.

:grphug: I hope you get that break you need.

Happy, you sound like an A1+ mom. You and your kids stick together, do what ever you can to teach them not to be lazy like how you describe their father. He may have had terrible role models in his life. Possibly a mom who did everything.

Your in my prayers.

Same here. My husband had to learn how to do everything when I went back to school too. He could not could a lick and the kids would complain and say the food didn’t taste good and I would say - taste good to me. I didn’t want him to stop crying. NOW, he is an excellent cook and he helps around the house a lot. But, that came after years of prodding. We have been together 16 years and we have three kids 18, 14 and 9.

Relationships are hard. Especially when your partner isn’t trying to help out.
As someone said before vent often. Journaling has always helped me in my darkest hours. Sometimes, you need to say something to someone who will not judge - good ole paper and pen are nice companions.
Good luck

NO TAR AND FEATHERS JUST ONE BIB:yay:

Oh, my, you poor thing.
Been there, done that.

Take heart, sometimes husbands turn into MEN, instead of being
little boys, and take responsibilities on.

It’s awful being taken for granted. I feel for you.

Good advice. I did that, too.

It won’t get lost. It will re-surface, when the coast is clear.

Happiness stays with us, no matter what. The hardships of life might temporarily darken it, but, it will come back for her.

:hug: :hug: :hug: Try to see if your kids will help out some more. They are older now and may be able to. They may be more willing to help you than your husband who may have a sense of entitlement and many kids still want to please their moms even in the teenage years. I truly hope you find some happiness and some peace. Your home should not be a place of pain. :hug: :hug:

Oh you poor thing. You’ll make the right decision for you when you know its right. We’ll be here for you :muah:

Hope yer sons are learning from this experience :teehee:

:muah: to you ! Hopefully you can work through this with your kids. I haven’t been married 2 yrs yet and in that short period of time I have learned marriage is hard and sucks at times. My parents made it look sooo easy. The hubby was an only child who did NOTHING for himself so he really doesn’t get why I want dishes done before I go to bed and want bathrooms etc sccrubbed every weekend. Most of the time if I point things out he does help, but there are times he acts more like a child and can’t clean the shower b/c then he wouldn’t have time to play with whatever. Sometimes I have to tell him - we can’t do activity A until you do your chores. I am hoping I get him trained good before we have children : ) Part of the reason we got 2 dogs - turns out he is very good at cleaning up vomit and diaharea in the middle of the night !!:roflhard:

I forgot to mention - I second the journalling. I took that up years ago while going through some issues and have stuck with it. There are times I get up in the middle of the night to get soemthing off my chest. I write it and put it away - most of the time it helps.
Also, I don’t know your religious background, but I find that church as always been there for me. When I really need a non-judgemental “family” the clergy or someone else is always there to listen and always so glad to see you and give you a hug. :grphug:

I’m sorry you are going through all this. All I can say is he should help more and I don’t know how you can put up with it. I feel very fortunate in that I have a wonderful husband who helps with everything.

But one comment;

…he tells my oldest which is my 15 yr old son who could not boil a cup of water to fix something.

Don’t let your 15 y/o or your other boys turn out the same. Men are more often than not taught their behavior by their parents. In fact look at how your husbands parents conduct their lives…it might look familiar.

Bring the boys into the kitchen to help cooking along with the girls. If this is successful you will have some new helpers. My 13 year old son can fix a simple dinner and help with parts of more complicated dinners. He can unload a dishwasher and sort of load one, he’s been learning to do laundry too. He vacuums also. He doesn’t do these things perfectly but he does them! I consider this essential training for adulthood. My brothers were similarly taught to do household things…and it’s a good thing too. One of my brothers works full time, his wife is schizophrenic and unable to work. She also does very little around the house d/t her illness, so he pretty much does it all plus he has to deal with her erratic behavior. They have no children but he has difficulties similar to yours.

I hope things get better and you get a break.