I have a cousin who wants to come visit with her toddler and dog. Last time they came they were sick and got my two boys sick. I said big dog needs to stay downstairs (finished guest suite) or outside (acre fenced yard). Within minutes the dog was in the main part of the house and my boys were screaming as the dog licked them and knocked over the younger one. Her toddler dripped milk all over my house and almost ruined my portable crib. She is hinting she would like to come again. Am I better off being honest and saying you can come as long as…or should I just not acknowledge the hints?
Tough situation, but if you can do it I’d go with honesty if you don’t mind them coming. She may consider it impolite and not come anyway, but seriously it IS your house.
I vote with Jan.
I hate family situations like this. To me it begs the question, why do so many people with dogs, big or otherwise, think everybody should love having them around? Add to that, why are someone else’s little darlings and their bad habits supposed to have free run in someone else’s space? Your cousin could get someone to take care of the bothersome critter while they’re gone. I can’t have animals in my apt. so that’s an easy one for me. My kids weren’t allowed to have things like food and drinks all over the house and so I wouldn’t allow a guest’s child to carry milk or other drinks around either. Well, maybe water. My guess is that I’d tell my cousin how it is, when they arrived I’d enforce the rules I’d set, and my cousin would soon go home and probably wouldn’t want to come back very soon. I often had the opposite problem: At home my kids were expected to keep food and drinks in the kitchen or other appropriate spot and when we were away from home others would encourage them in what I considered bad habits. Good luck keeping your home your home while not alienating family. I hope it’s possible for you all to have a good visit and nobody get offended, upset, or mad.
i think you should tell them they should not come over with their dog, personally, we have 2 dogs, a medium size one, and a large one, we never take them around because we don’t wanna infringe on the kindness of our family members, and we expect the same,
You all have common sense and show common courtesy. A lot people don’t seem to have a clue what either of those are. 
I’m all for honesty and for enforcing boundaries–[U]especially[/U] in your own home! First of all, I would tell these people BEFORE they’re invited and BEFORE they get there what the house rules are (no dogs allowed on my property–meaning, she has to leave it at home, only eat here, only drink here, etc., etc.) Then I’d politely tell her what happened last time and that it was not enjoyable for you and your family. Once you’ve made the what and the why clear, then and only then can you leave it up to her whether she wants to play by your rules or stay home!
I’m a big believer in boundaries, and I don’t see any reason why you should be run over and taken advantage of in your own home! That’s a bunch of BS–and the fact that’s it’s family doesn’t matter one bit!! After all, every hotel, amusement park, and restaurant has ground rules for their establishment, so why should your house be any different?
I have large dogs (Bernese Mountain Dogs) but no children. (I did, however, teach middle-schoolers…) Your cousin is doing her child and dog no favors by not training them in positive behavior.
Regardless of your decision on the upcoming visit, it would be a kindness to inquire whether she’s aware of “positive reinforcement training” for dogs and, if so, whether she’s used it (or can get help) to accustom the dog to either a large crate or an ex-pen–short for “exercise pen,” a specific kind of portable enclosure to keep dogs in one place.
Info on positive reinforcement training is all over the Net and in books/magazines, etc.–just don’t go anywhere near Cesar Millan, the Dog Abuser. Here are some places to start:
–Whole Dog Journal http://www.whole-dog-journal.com/
–Peaceable Paws http://www.peaceablepaws.com/
And, in case some of the dog’s behavior is due to anxiety in new places or around unknown people,
–Fearful Dogs http://fearfuldogs.com/books/
Baby gates may help enforce the boundaries of the house for the child; perhaps letting his mother, your cousin, know that you’ll use baby gates to divide the house into “food” and “non-food” zones may help clarify the rules both for her and her child.
I’ve used baby gates for my dogs, even though they’re designed for use with young children. When a new rescue comes to live with us, the baby gates give my cats a safe haven, a room or two where no dog can get close to them. (Berners aren’t known as cat-killers or even -chasers, but feline peace of mind is priceless.)
Hope it all works out!
My daughter’s dogs are not allowed upstairs, to be sure they use a baby gate. It works really well!
no dogs here, but we do have two cats. My son and his wife are coming to visit; my son is allergic to cats. We booked our cats into a Cat’s Meow Lodging place for the duration of their visit.
My opinion: family members, especially, people, come before pets. Too many people these days are forgetting rules of common courtesy. I think it’s up to us ‘elders’ to remind them, however uncomfortable that may be. They may bristle, but it will likely be only temporary.
Thank you for all the input. The situation was avoided b/c my MIL decided she was going to come, then she got sick and the hubby asked her to stay home. Now I get a quiet day with the hubby and my boys and a 4th of July parade - yeah :woohoo:
Relief! Good for you. I’m glad you’ll have a day like you want. I hope the family thing won’t become a real problem for you.
I do hope MIL is not really very sick and will feel better soon.
Typo? :teehee:
It’s nice it all worked out! I imagine it’ll come up again with cousin since you didn’t talk to her though.
OMG! I can’t believe I missed that! I meant:
I hope MIL isn’t really very sick.
Thank you, Jan, for catching that. I’m going to edit the original. Ugh.
:woot: :woot: Well, I hope you had an enjoyable time with your family at the parade! Fortunately, you did not have to have the conversation with your cousin. If this comes up again, I would keep it very simple if this works for you. Being that you expressed your wishes on a previous visit and they were disregarded, I would say no to the dog, stating that it will not work for you and hopefully you would not be pressed further. And if pressed, remember the mantra, “I’m sorry, having the dog in my home will not work for me.” And then perhaps you could suggest that she board the dog or have a neighbor watch him.
I have no children, however, I can understand how easy it is to turn a deaf ear to them. I have many siblings and when we were young they could be very unruly and I would pay them no heed.
Some parents allow their children to run wild, without any consideration as to how they are impacting the people around them. Personally, I find this very annoying, I truly appreciate parents that are considerate of others, obviously your cousin is not.
I don’t know what would work with the food and drink situation. We have a home that we now rent out, we moved from the area for work and are planning to return for retirement. Recently I showed it to a family interested in renting it and found myself aghast! The parents were lovely people, they brought their daughter and her friend. The girls were running through the house, banging doors and drawers and the parents did nothing! It was a very uncomfortable situation, I asked the girls to please stop with the banging. I think if the parents do not step in, you have to speak directly with the children. The girls stopped, but it wasn’t great.
So the language I like to use:
…does not work for me
I would prefer if you do not…
It is possible to keep it honest and polite, just keep it very simple.
HTH
Claire, I hope you are charging a huge deposit! I hate paying big deposits but I get them back. I hope you don’t have to rent to anyone with children that behave that way. The way laws are now, you might have to. Things happen with kids, there’s no getting around it, but undisciplined darlings are not nice to be around and tend to cause excessive damages. Best of luck to you in your role as landlords and in your new home.
Fortunately we do have a say as to who we rent to. If we had five or more rentals that would not be the case. We do credit and background checks and the rent and deposit help to keep down the riff-raff, although some of them still respond to the ad.
We bought the property 15 years ago and designed and built a home several years later. It is nestled in a forested area at the southern tip of the Rocky Mountains, ten miles from downtown Santa Fe. Well, I know you like pictures:
http://www.zillow.com/homedetails/50-Wild-Turkey-Way-Santa-Fe-NM-87505/6859774_zpid/
Thank you for your good wishes 
and happy :knitting:
I hate the situation like this, i can bear for one or two times, but at the third time, i would tell my feeling honestly.