I had the worst date of my life on Monday… I met this guy, Tommy, on yahoo personals over the weekend and he asked me to go out. I drove up to Rockford, about a 45 minute drive, to meet him. Well. he completely misrepresented himself; first off, and i can say this because I am a voluptuous gal, “full figured” is not the same as “500 pounds”. :shock: I was very upfront about my weight issues, and I expected that he was too. Anyway, when I got there, he informed me he doesn’t have a car. (nice). So I got to drive us around. He wanted to go for a walk… we went to one of the state parks and followed the bike path along the creek–which smelled like rotten skunk covered in moldy garbage dipped in fish oil and served with a side of [I]“What in the HELL is that smell???” . [/I]Anyway, if I had known we were going walking in the wilderness I wouldn’t have worn shorts, a tank top, and sandals. The destination was this old stone pavallion, which was actually kind of neat. And it didn’t stink. So we’re talking, nice day, nice to meet you, blah blah blah, and THEN he pulls out a joint!!! :shock: I’m like… “uhm… yeah, maybe that’s not a good idea…” … he reluctantly put it away. Then he asked me about school, so I started going off on my little tangent like i do, and after about 3 minutes he says “well, you don’t have to tell me EVERYTHING! Can I kiss you?” and then proceeds to suck half of my face off… and this is when I discovered his tongue right :ick: As I finally am able to break away, this random snake falls from somewhere above us to the floor and he SCREAMED like a little girl RIGHT in my face. Now, I was startled, taken aback, even frightened for about a third of a second. But he’s like “OH MY GOD OH MY GOD WHAT DO WE DO???” So I’m like “it’s tiny, it won’t hurt us… but anyway, let’s go”. So on the way back to the car I somehow tramped through a patch of poison something (which i didn’t discover until later, of course, and which wouldn’t have happened if I was dressed for the untamed jungle, as it were).
We get to the car, and he says “Let’s get something to eat”. Fine. We went to Old Chicago (like a fridays or applebees if you don’t have them), and I ordered my signature martini (up and extra dirty with 3 olives) and he says “Oh, so you’re a dirty girl huh??” :roll: Anyway, food comes; I ate half my burger and about 5 french fries but my stomach was feeling icky from the pleasant aroma of the woods, so I figured I’d take the rest home. Nope, he finished it for me, without even asking. By this time, I’m like, god, how to i get out of here… i need a plan… i need a plan… THEN the waiter brings the check, and Tommy slides it over to me without even looking and says "thanks for dinner!’ :!!!: I was like “Oh… I hope I have enough cash on me…” I went to the bathroom, called my sister in law, who wasn’t there of course, and told her to call me ASAFP because I was on a crap date and needed to get out.
I realize I could have just left, but I really thought that would be rude. Anyway, so back to his apartment, at which time he invites me in, and I had to use the washroom, so I did, but made it clear I wasn’t staying. He opens the door and there’s this musty odor, and he says “Oh, shit, I thought that would have dried out by now… my son overflowed the toilet this morning.” :ick: :ick: :ick: So I decide there’s no way in hell I’m using the bathroom there. Then he pulls out the joint again, fires it up, and before i had a chance to think of what to do next he gives me a nasty pot-breath sloppy kiss again :ick: My SIL, with impeccable timing, called like a half second later… so she’s laughing her ass off at me and I’m saying stuff like “Oh my god! Is everything okay? When was it? Which hospital? No, I can leave…”
Anyway, so I finally left, got in the car, noticed the poison-whatever rash had started. Fantabulous. I was about halfway home and he called me … “Hey I think you left your sunglasses here. And I had a GREAT time today, you’re beautiful and smart and I really think this is going somewhere special”… I said “Oh, I’m sure it’s going somewhere special, too” (like right down the damn toilet) and then “yeah I’ll call you about the glasses” and hung up.
I’ll miss those glasses.
Anyone else have horrendous date stories?