I’m very lucky about my MIL with knitting because she’s been crocheting forever and her mother knitted, so I don’t think I’d ever hear any comments hinting that knitting is “a waste” because you can just go buy the stuff (although maybe I’m wrong here). Also, she appreciates the time and work that goes into stuff, although I’m not so sure she liked the knitted item I made for her (then again, I’m not married to the favorite son! :teehee: ) I get little comments here and there about things about my decisions, but I try to ignore them. She obviously thinks I’m wrong for my decisions, so what good what it do to argue with her? :shrug:
I knitted something special for my MIL for a special event, and she didn’t seem too thrilled about it (although maybe she was but just didn’t express it; I caught her off guard by giving this to her), but I was prepared for this type of reaction. When I held that knitted item for the last time before wrapping it, I thought to myself, “Well, this is a gift, and you’re supposed to give gifts freely, so that means if she doesn’t get all crazy over it, that’s okay…release her from the ‘obligation’ of having to make a big stink about it, and you won’t be hurt, mad, or frustrated. It’s a gift, and if she chooses to use it as a throw rug, that’s her choice–don’t attach any strings to this gift”. So that’s what I did. I chose to make her something special and that was that. If she chose not to appreciate it or whatever, then so be it.
I like to knit, and I may choose to make something for somebody that may not appreciate the time and trouble of what goes into it. Some people may surprise you and although they may not like “homemade” gifts, they do like “one of a kind” gifts–how many people do you know can get something as uniquely designed as “Fetching” from a retail store, maybe in a “their” colors (like Eloewien said)–I’ve seen that kind of reaction before from people that I was sure didn’t like “homemade” stuff, but loved unique, one-of-a-kind things. In any case, because I like to knit, I may choose to knit something just for the sake of knitting, and if nothing else (the recipient doesn’t appreciate it), at least I got in some extra practice in by knitting that item; if it’s an item I’ve never knitted before, then I learned extra techniques and a new pattern. You never know–a MIL might appreciate a hand-knitted gift, knowing you took the time to spend knitting something just for her (a little schmoozing may go a long way!), although, I wouldn’t go out of my way to make a whole entire blanket! :shock: I’d definitely keep it small. Even if MIL’s don’t appreciate the effort, we can know that we made the good Samaritan effort trying to do something thoughtful and nice. I think it’s really common for DIL’s to feel like they want to have a relationship with their MIL like they have with their own mom, but it’s not a common thing to find (out of the years I’ve known other married women, only one woman I know loved her MIL more than her own mother and felt that her MIL was a better mom than her own). So maybe we set up too high of expectations of our MIL’s? :shrug:
Faye/nonny2t, what you said really hits home and makes a lot of sense…it’s great advice. I’m glad I read this post. I don’t want to have any regrets when my MIL passes away; I’d like to know that I really tried to be as good of a DIL as I could, not feeling sorry that I “shoulda” or “coulda” done something else.