DH to be my step-brother

Now that I have your attention, has this happened to anyone else? It looks like my mom and my FIL are going to get married. Both are widowed. My mom for 5.5 yrs and FIL for 11yrs. It is just very weird and I am having problems with it. Most of my issues are typical because my mom will be married to someone who is not my dad. My other main problem is that they want to announce it at a family Christmas dinner on Saturday night. We are not sure that dh’s brothers even know that they are serious much less that they are even dating. DH is going to talk to his dad tonight and try to get them to delay the big announcement until after the new year. I am an only child so I have plenty of issues on my own.

My uncle was also my step-grandfather… making my grandmother my step-aunt. I had problems with it in the beginning, but now that I look back on it, I’m glad they got together and had over 20 years of happiness together. I know it may be akward, but just because they are our parents doesn’t mean they don’t deserve some kind of life and companionship. This is just my opinion, which has gotten me into trouble before.

Back when we lived in California, our pastor and his wife got married and then their parents, his father and her mother, got married to each other. It was kinda strange at first but they were wonderful people.

At least there aren’t any strangers coming into the mix. :shrug:

Yeah, nothing like keeping it all in the family… :wink:

Although it will take some getting used to, try to focus on your mom’s happiness. I’m sure, given the reverse, she would be thrilled for you.

BTW, my sister and I married brothers. We have very nice, cozy family get-togethers. Plus, I always get to see my sister at our in-law’s.

I personally think it is lovely. If you like or love your FIL then you should be happy for them that they found someone to be a companion. You know us old folks get lonely and want happiness too. I don’t get why children think that a parent who is widowed or divorced should have to stay that way just so the child feels comfortable. No one is trying to replace your father. I don’t mean to be such a grouse, but I think it is great they want to announce it to the family. What would you all think if they snuck off to Vegas or something and came back married having not even said anything to anyone about even having had a relationship? You would be screaming to high heaven about that. They want to share with their family their happiness. I’m sorry, but I think you and your dh are being kind of selfish.

Dearheart, while it may seem odd at first, you have to ask yourself–is this a good thing for them or not? If you don’t think they are compatible for one another for some reason, then there are grounds for concern. Otherwise, the problem is in your [I]perspective[/I] of the relationship, not the relationship itself.

After all, if a relative had objected to you marrying your DH because THEY were uncomfortable with the match, wouldn’t you have felt that it was YOUR relationship not theirs to worry about?

If the only reason to object to the announcement is the potential discomfort of the rest of the family, support your parents decision. Instead of telling them to wait til after the holidays, have DH call the brothers and let them know that Dad is really serious about someone and has an announcement to make at Christmas–and that y’all don’t want them to be really thrown for a loop by who he’s dating. Christmas is a time for family to gather and celebrate, and for your Mom and FIL to be told they shouldn’t tell people how happy they are to have found one another will be unfair to them.

Another point of view: Told my DH that the subject of the post was someone uncomforable with being her husbands stepsister and he announced, “Tell her to move to Kentucky, we’ll welcome them with open arms!”

:roflhard:[FONT=Comic Sans MS][SIZE=3][COLOR=DarkOrchid] Are we talking about family trees with no branches???

If your mom is happy, then be happy for her. It’s very hard living alone.[/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT]

Or Alabama. I grew up in a very small town, and one of my classmates (one of the 18 in my graduating class) was related to everyone in about three or four counties. I mean, we would start talking about so-and-so, and she would say, “Oh, that’s my grandfather’s uncle’s cousin’s daughter…”

:passedout:

It’s a wonder she found someone who she wasn’t related to for a dh.

:teehee:

When people’s jaws drop about my sister and me marrying brothers, I tell them we’re from Alabama. Case closed. :thumbsup:

i think it’s wonderful they found happiness. just ignore the whole step-sibling thing. if your parents are happy, that’s a good thing.

When you get older you will see this stuff is not worth the angst we get from it.

If they are happy and free to be available to each other that’s all that matters. Celebrate their happiness with them.

How wonderful for them! Am I correct in guessing that they essentially met through you and your DH? I know it feels odd, but I wouldn’t take away from them the joy of wanting to share their special happy news on Christmas. If they’re good for each other, give them your blessing (if they want it) and wish them well.

I understand where you are coming from. If my mom wanted to marry dh’s dad (or his mom wanted to marry my dad)…well, ew!!! It would kind of freak me out. I understand that they aren’t related to each other, but my dh and I are…and so the whole thing would FEEL weird!!!

That said…I don’t think you can really expect them to deny their own happiness just because it makes you feel weird. They aren’t having an affair, they aren’t marrying someone much younger than them…Try to come to terms with this new development, and even in your freaking out moments, try to be happy that your parents have found a way to be happy. When you really love someone, their happiness becomes more important to you than your own.

Of course, it’s not my parents, so it’s easy for me to say all of that!:wink: Good luck!

Awww, if they’re happy…then focus on their happiness. Not to say that it won’t feel wierd for a little while.

My FH’s aunt is married, his sister married her uncle’s brother, and his other sister is dating his other brother…it’s wierd and hard to keep track of whose who, and I’ve known the family for 23 years. lol.

My neighbor growing up, his dad married two sisters (not at the same time) so the brothers were 1/2 brothers and first cousins. After the second divorce, dad married the first cousin of the two moms…needless to say, family reunions were a bit awakard.

I’m sorry but for the life of me I can’t figure out what “FH’s” means!!! And it’s driving me nuts :teehee: Help!

I think FH=Future Husband… :wink:

I agree with many others here…try to be happy for them!

:aww: yup, FH=future husband. :woohoo:

Lindsey,

This is just my opinion, but I think you are COMPLETELY entitled to feel the way you do. I would feel the same way no matter how happy my mom was. The fact is, is that this affects [I][U][B]you[/B][/U], [/I]and you are having a tough time with it. That is perfectly natural.

I know most of the posts have said, just leave it alone if your moms happy then let her be happy. I’m sorry, but I just don’t agree with all of that. Sure, eventually you will come to terms with it, but it [U][I][B]is[/B][/I][/U] a strange situation, I’m sure anyone (minus AL and KY folks :wink: ) would feel the same way you feel. Of course some woudn’t admit it, but they would. It is completely natural. So don’t feel badly for how you are reacting to it. Just keep talking about it, openly. That’s the only way to get through things. Talk. Talk. Talk. If you don’t, then things will fester. Trust me, that was my life growing up, just be quiet Cathy, they would say. I was shushed my whole life.

Keep the lines of communication open. Can you tell your mom how you are feeling? Can you talk to her in private without getting her on the defensive?

I’m sorry you are having to deal with this situation, it’s tough. Many :hug: to you.

Oh, bless you!! I can be at peace now. :wink: :teehee: