Depressed For No Reason

I was hesitant to even post this here but I feel like the folks here are more kin to me, loving, and understanding than anywhere else.

I inherited the genetic disposition for depression from my father, who died from the illness when I was 10. I’ve been on medication for it a couple of times although I’ve never found it to help all that much.

It comes and it goes. Tonight it comes. I’m a big guy, a tough guy, but tonight I feel like crying for no reason at all. What a wimp!

The only reason I am writing this is to try and get it outside of myself, if that makes any sense, and to make some human contact as remote as it is over the net, to try and maintain some grasp on that which makes life worth living.

Just ignore this post and go on about your business, it’s just an attempt to put my feelings outside of myself as they shouldn’t belong to me in the first place. Sorry to take up bandwidth.

Mason,
It isn’t wimpy to cry. And I think it is very admirable that you recognize the feelings and reached out to us. Wish I could say something profound but I can’t think of a thing. (Taking to much benadryl to stop the itch of poison oak) Tomorrow will be another day. Could you watch a funny movie or something that will take your mind off of things?

Thanks. I cant’ say my mind is on anything to take it off from. Just a general feeling of sadness I can’t shake. Pretty wimpy as far as I am concerned.

Mason, I know how you feel.
I battled chronic depression for 14 years and even though i’m out of the chronic phase, I fall back into it often.
Medically speaking, I have a reason for it, but it still makes me mad when it happens.
Have a good cry, try to relax and remember that we’re always here to lend a hand. :hug:

Well, crud, knittingguy. I’m sorry you feel that way. Depression runs in my family. Its tough.

First of all, you have value. Yup, you. So hang in there.

Secondly, you might want to think about giving meds another try. It is very difficult to find the right med/right dose/right combination. But if you do, it is so, so, so worth it.

I don’t take them myself. But my mother does. And a very dear friend of mine is schizophrenic. And honestly, they have tough days, but I still have them around because of the medication they’re on. And honestly, most of the time - they have good days.

They were both resistant to medication, because of the side affects, and/or they felt “weak” for having to take them. But I can’t even tell you how much I would miss them if they were gone.
((hugs))
Bliss

PS. I think it says something about you that you answered about lamps for me when you were feeling down.

I know the feeling. I hate it but have never had the guts to try the meds. My temp fixes are chocolate and doing something mindless yet engrossing which for me a crosswords. Sometimes I will play puzzle games online too. For some reason I can get involved in them enough to relax and sleep. Which at least recharges me to face whatever I feel like the next day.
As to not feeling wimpy about I think that perhaps a change in paradigm is in order. You do have a reason for it. You may not know what triggered it tonight but you is in your dna your were programmed to be this way. So that is definitely not wimpy.

Thanks folks, I already am sorry I posted this here. It’s not knitting related nor is it your problem. Please pardon this whole post.

offers a hug and a shoulder to cry on Having a good cry can be theraputic. Just curl up and let it all out. Shout, scream, beat pillows, sob. And then know that we’re here for you when you’re ready to talk… even if it’s just to show you yarn p0rn until you smile.

It’ll be okay Mason. We all have times like this. At least you’ve accepted it for what it is. Most people can’t even get that far.

hug

You’re one of our guys. Period :wink:

Thanks, while I appreciate it I just can’t do that. I really can’t explain why other than just I’m a guy.

:rofl: Thanks

Take your needles to a pillow? :smiley:

Anyway… Just know that we’re here for you…

Thanks. That means a lot

Don’t regret posting, please. It is good to vent–to put it out there so it just doesn’t sit and cook.

I grew up with my father being horribly depressed. After his first heart attack, he got on meds and was a changed person.

I carried around my own depression for years, and finally broke down and saw a doc and got on meds. It took a while, I don’t have any side effects, and on most days I feel better.

There were many days when I sat with my face in my hands, though.

Ok that one nearly made me shoot pepsi out my nose. You are not a stereotypical guy since you knit in truck stops (well at least that is how I see you) but if you want to be macho I guess the guy thing is to go hit something. How about punching your seats in your truck. Technically it is hitting and I think they will have enough give that you won’t damage your hand. I am trying to think like a guy but I am afraid on the benadryl I am not thinking much at all.

Actually hitting is how I dealt with it for years, but it was usually some other guy’s skull I was hitting (not always though, I once put my fist through a cinder block wall). Arthritis is starting to set into my hands as a result of beating them against other people’s heads over the years. I’m trying to turn over that new leaf as that’s not the person I want to be.

Ok it may sound funny but here is what I do when I feel the need to whack a wall (I can’t my figers dislocate to easily) I buy a box of Kleenex and throw them one at a time. Not too messy and nothing gets damaged. YOu can throw as hard as you want. Just a thought.

I did my share of hitting, but the things that helped me the most when I was going through bad moments were writing, drawing and acting.

Ever tried keeping a journal? Offline, hehe. It doesn’t matter what you write in it, just write. Train of thought. At some point you’ll start letting out the stuff that’s in you.
Acting was a good tool too. Specially when we had improvs. Oooooo vulgar improvs…yuuuumy, I miss those days. Our director didn’t know what hit him when asked us to try acting vulgar.

:rofl:

Philosophy time!
When life throws you lemons,throw them back and say, "Hey I want [COLOR=“Sienna”]chocolate[/COLOR]!"
Trust me it works. You may not realize it, but it does. :hug: :blooby: