Christmas Shock

#1

So, believe it or not, my DD turned up at Christmas with a copy of Nicky Epstiens’s “Knitting Beyond the Edge” for me. She had asked if there were any knitting books I wanted. I had told her I really wanted “Knitting On The Edge”. For whatever reason she decided there was much more for me in “Beyond” so that is the book she got me. I geared myself up for a fight and yesterday I finally told her that I really thanked her and appreciated all the work and expense she had gone through to get me the book but that I REALLY wanted “ON”, not “BEYOND”, and would she mind terribly if I exchanged it. She blew a fit and hung up on me. I sent an apologetic e-mail saying that I would keep the book if it meant that much to her. Today I got a return e-mail with one line saying… “exchange the book, there’s no sense keeping it if you won’t use it.”

To make a long story short, I have just gotten back from Chapters Book Store where I exchanged “BEYOND” for “ON”. I am now the proud owner of a knitting book I WILL use a LOT. I am quite happy with this book. We spent an hour in Starbucks, drinking cappuccino and looking at all the different things I can now knit because I have the technology. :woohoo:

Now I wonder how long it is going to be before her highness talks to me again… but right now I don’t care because I feel ill again and am going back to bed!

#2

:hug:

Your daughter should not have been upset. I’m sorry you had to deal with it. At least you wound up getting what you wanted. Perhaps you could write her a beautiful note expressing how much you LOVE this book. Send her a picture when you complete a project using something from the book. Or better yet, make her something with a pattern from the book.

#3

I’m sure she won’t be moaning when she wants any one of the gorgeous things in that book.

Enjoy it, that’s the only book on my list at them moment, it’s a bit pricey over here so I think it will be a while before I get one.

#4

This and the Knitting Stitch Bible are the only knitting books I own now. I am very pleased with this book. I will be able to get creative with just plain baby blankets or anything else I choose to play around with.

And as for DD, she’ll find something to moan about…

#5

Oh Christine…it’s too bad she was such a pain about it. I don’t usually return things, but this Christmas I had to. My aunt got me Stephanie Pearl-McPhee’s Casts Off, which i received from REVS in the Winter Wonderland swap, so I had to exchage it for Fitted Knits. My grandma got me a lovely sweater that made me look like an eggplant (HUGE on the bottom-not flattering). I didn’t even tell her that I returned it. Personally I wouldn’t want to know if someone as returning something I gave them, but I wouldn’t be mad if they did. Your daughter probably just thought she did really well this year and was disapointed in herself. Or at least this is what I’m hoping! Anyways, now you have the book you wanted and you had a nice time with the DH.

#6

I understand that you would rather have have a book you would use but sometimes gifts are a funny thing. I would be thrilled if my daughter put thought and effort into buying me a gift, no matter what the gift was.

I’m trying to look at it from her perspective, she may have thought she was doing a good thing and felt criticized when you didn’t want her book. Mother-Daughter relationships are strange and fragile things. I think I would have cherished the book for the effort she put into it and bought a used copy of the book I wanted on amazon.com. it’s currently available for $14.00 (new is $18.00)

But, that is just me.

#7

Considering what we’ve heard about your daughter and knitted items could she have just mixed them up? Most non-knitters are kind of oblivious about stuff like that and one looks pretty much the same as the other. Getting mad over it was silly though. :shrug:

#8

Nope, she didn’t mix it up…she felt that Christine would get more use out of the other one. I looked at it while visiting the other day and while it’s a nice book, there’s nothing in there I would want to knit either. I want the On the edge one too :stuck_out_tongue:

#9

:hug: Sounds stressful, but I’m glad you finally got the book you wanted. I really like Nathalie’s idea about knitting her something from it. (Unless she’s the one who never likes your knitted items…maybe I’m getting my posters mixed up here.)

My family has taken all the fun out of gift giving. Everyone gets a gift certificate or cash. How fun is that?! Sometimes I just want to suggest that everyone keep their own money and we just get together and have a nice dinner and spend some time together for the holidays. That sure would take the stress out of it! :wink:

#10

Honey, I sympathize. I have one of [B]the [/B]most controling dd’s in the world. If it isn’t her idea, it is a lousy one. Though you are angry now, just know that the fact you exchanged it allowed you to use it instead of it sitting on a shelf. She will get over it, they always do. In the meantime, knit something out of it for her and give it to her, telling her it is from the book. How could she be mad at that? :wink:

#11

I’m going to risk being the bad guy here, and say, I would never have told my DD that I didn’t want the gift she gave me.

I would have quietly bought the book I did want. And, kept the book she gave me. It was a gift, an extension of her love for you.

I would have kept her gift, hugged her, and thanked her, smiled, and been glad that she cared enough about me to even take the time to get me ANYTHING.

You could always have a daughter who never gives you any gifts, who never calls you, and who never says thank you for anything.
Your daughter, God forbid, could be dead. She could be terribly ill.
I just don’t understand it.
I wouldn’t think of telling ANYone that the gift they got me was unacceptable. No matter what.

I’m sure I’m not the only one in here who feels like that.

#12

PhotoLady:

My DD asked me before Christmas what she “was to get for me” and I gave her several choices in several price ranges, including slippers, gloves, a knitting book or a handmade card from my grandchildren (which is what I really wanted but did not get). I specified the name of that book I wanted via e-mail so that she would be able to print it out and have it as a reference.

She is the type of person who, when asked, tells you exactly what you are to get for her or her children and if it is not what she told you to get, you are told to return it and get what she told you to purchase (and NO she was not raised that way!).

My DD got engaged on Christmas Eve and has already found a dress on a website that I have been told I am to buy and wear to her wedding. The dress is $458.00. Thankfully I have a year and nine months to save for the dress and the wedding.

My DD is an extremely demanding and controlling woman. If something is not what she wants or demands then she will not talk to me for months and months, thereby meaning that I don’t get to see my granchildren as well. I just went through this with her. It was 11 months that I did not see her or the children.

I have tried to be a good mother. I am considerate. I always run when asked to babysit or help out in any way. I constantly tell her how pretty she is, and how proud of her I am. I never refuse to talk to her or the children.

I made a huge fuss at Christmas time over the book that she had bought for me. A HUGE FUSS! I thanked her repeatedly and profusely. I CRIED I was so pleased! This is the first time in years I have gotten something from her at Christmas other than a calendar. I kept saying “and you went to all that trouble just for ME?”

The truth will out eventually! It turns out that the book I really asked for was out of stock the day she went to buy it a month before Christmas, and was also $6.98 more in price, so she just grabbed the one they did have on the shelf by the same author and said it would be “good enough for me” (her words)!

I am sorry you think I am such a bad mother and so ill mannered that I “rejected” her “thoughtful” gift. There are more chapters to this story than you know about or than I care to air on the internet. Let’s just leave it at this… the DD’s x boyfriend’s mother (my 1st grandchild’s other grandmother) is usually the one that gets the nice gifts from my DD for Christmas, Mother’s Day and birthdays and then DD always calls me and tells me what she has gotten this woman, who’s birthday is a few days before mine. When my birthday comes there is a phone call, an e-mail or one time an actual birthday card that she had gotten from someone else, erased the signature, signed the card and given to me, with NO envelope.

Anyways, I told you there is more to this story than you read on here. Think what you will of me, I KNOW I have been a good parent and grandparent.

#13

:hug:

#14

I’m sorry things have been so frustrating with your daughter. It seems that family issues are always a mystery. :pout:

You know, the more I think about it, I don’t think she would have even known if you had quietly exchanged it without saying anything. She probably wouldn’t be able to tell the difference in the two books. Maybe that’s why she bought the other book…maybe it was a mistake, and she didn’t know until you told her. Then, maybe she said that she bought the other one on purpose to cover herself?
:shrug:

In either case, I would just let it go, and not say anything else about it. Just enjoy your new book, and move on to other things. No need to prolong the argument. It sounds like she still has some maturing to do.

Good luck! :hug:

#15

I don’t think photolady was criticizing you, or saying you were a bad mother. There are many different ways to view the problem . Like many I assumed you were asking for opinions and thoughts from the forum.

This book problem is about far more than a book, it’s about a life time of issues between you and your daughter.

#16

:hug: i’m in the same boat you are, if i do get something from my dd its usually something that she wants…knowing i’ll hate it and she’ll confiscate it.

#17

Perhaps I should not vent in here.

I did feel as if I had been attacked (the poster in question even said she was going to be the bad guy so she knew how I would take her comments before she posted them) and I did feel like a horrible person after reading her post, just for wanting to return something that was bought for me, but that I would never use. It seemed a shame to me that after having someone spend $40 on a book I could not get some use from it.

Ive learned my lesson. I will keep my mouth shut all the way around, with my DD as well as in here. That way I wont be letting myself in for any unnecessary hurt feelings.

This is a knitting forum. I will use it as such. I forgot that and treated it as more. I am grateful for this forum and the knitting information I have collected and will keep on collecting from the forum and it`s members.

#18

In the hopes of diffusing the tension…

I have all three “Edge” books and looooove them. I refer to “over” and “beyond” more than “on”, though. I have all of Nicky Epstein’s books, and I dont’ think I could pick a favorite.

IMHO, the “edge” series is right up there with the vogue stitchionaries on the MUST OWN list.

As an adult, I’ve (personally) found it hard to buy stuff for my mom; she has everything. If she mentions in passing that she’s been looking for something (8 o’clock ground decaff was the latest) and can’t get it in the boondocks where she lives, I look around for it here and send to her what I find. :shrug: Maybe uncreative, but I’ve never had that gift-giving knack. My first Christmas with my ex-husband was a disaster; I got him a shirt that didn’t fit and a movie he already had. He found ME an out-of-print copy of the annotated Alice books by Lewis Carrol, which was just fantastic.

C’est la vie :shrug:

#19

:hug: :hug: Please don’t feel like you shouldn’t feel like you can’t vent on here. that’s want the off topic forum is for!!! I think you are a WONDERFUL mother!! You make your daughter and her kids WONDERFUL THOUGHTFUL knitted gifts that I am jealous off. I would love to have you as MY mother. I think your daughter is an ungrateful little brat you doesn’t realize just what a wonderful mother she has. At least her kids do realize what a wonderful grandmother they have. I think you did a wonderful job as a mother. Just because she turn as as a brat has nothing to do with you. it has to do with herself. She won’t realize until later just how lucky she is to have you. please vent all you want to us. that is what we are here for.

I understand why you wanted a certain book. And why you told her. you didn’t want to hurt her feelings. Next time, exchange it without telling her. she is so into herself she probably won’t even notice. :hug: :hug: :hug:

#20

I’m sorry you were hurt, but please don’t worry about venting here! I think you are a great mother who has a very difficult daughter to deal with. :hug:

It’s okay to voice our opinions, and everyone has different views, but sometimes they can come off as a little hurtful if we aren’t careful. No one knows what is really going on in another persons life so we need to take that into consideration. And this is yet another good reason for the smilies. :wink: