Big girls don't cry..right?

I’m sick of everything…everything is going just totally wrong…

I’m in love with the sweetest perfect guy…so that’s the good thing in my life…

but my parents would never approve or bless this relatoinship cuz he comes from a different culture and a different religion…and that’s a big thing where I’m originally from…

my dad had two minor heart problems last year…and he never even told us till now!!! he said it was ‘almost’ heart attacks…not sure what that meant…

if i tell my dad that I wanna marry that guy…or that I’m in love with him…he’d prolly have a heart attack…and if i just moved out or ran away or something…he’d prolly have a heart attack…so either way I’d be killing him…

my sister who used to be my best friend keeps putting me down and telling me there’s no way I should be with that guy…and that he’s prolly using me cuz he’s 9 yrs older…and keeps saying bad stuff about him…which kills me inside cuz I thought I’d have her beside me…u kno…at least one person in the family who knows and who’s by my side!
but no…she just keeps saying totally insensitive stuff that makes me cry everytime…and I can never talk back cuz I’d be trying so hard not to cry in front of her…and if i started talking I’d def cry…

I think my mom and my dad are getting a divorce soon…and it’s killing me…

my dad has been stressing about me changing universities…and I just L.O.V.E my skool…and even though it’s not gonna happen it’s still too much stress…

he’s also been telling me lately that I shouldn’t bring home a boy…and that I’m gonna get married through arranged marriages…because I’m living in Canada and he doesn’t want me marrying someone from a different culture!!! (and it’s not like i’ve been living in my home country anyways!! i don’t even get their traditions!!)

and on top of all that…I can’t talk to anybody I know…I just can’t depress someone with my problems…so I’m really about to explode…

I’m sure to some other people my problems are nothing…but they’re there…and to me they’re hard and they hurt so much…I’m so scared and confused and depressed…

sorry…just had to have a lil rant and didn’t know where else to do it!

I won’t even try to give advice cause I have no clue what to tell you, but i can offer some of these :hug::hug::hug::heart::heart::heart: hope they help.

oh, and crying is never wrong!! sometimes it helps a lot!

Rule #1: Don’t sweat the small stuff.

Rule #2: It’s all small stuff.

Live your life for yourself and you can’t go wrong.

thanks lissalue! hugs are all I need! :slight_smile:

thanks knitting guy…I guess you’re right…it’s not easy to do so though!

Oh I don’t know, I’ve found that developing a basic don’t give a frack attitude has worked for me pretty well over the years.

I should try that!! I do the same for most of the lil stuff in life…just not with family stuff I guess…

thanks :slight_smile:

hehe, sounds familiar, except my rules were don’t sweat the petty stuff, and don’t pet the sweaty stuff. :roflhard: Seriously, it’ll all work out. The guy you’re seeing, if you feel strongly about him, then age hardly matters. case in point, my elder brother is married to someone who is 2 years younger than I, he’s 35, and she’s 29.

You wouldn’t be the first person to go ahead and marry who you like and to heck with traditions. But you’d have to make that decision. Just giving you my humble opinion. Keep yer chin up and your principles straight and you’ll win out.

And by the way, yes, big girls DO cry…when there’s a need.

Or a potential speeding ticket.

oh, and my DH is 23 years older than me, so don’t worry about the age thing. at least, i wouldn’t.

Hang in there. I think it’s good that you want to be respectful of your parents – that you’re upset shows that you do care about upsetting them.

Just take things slowly. Try not to hit them with everything all at once. This will allow them to adjust to things.

We parents have a hard time allowing our children to live separate lives. Sometimes we have good advice, and sometimes we need our horizons broadened for us.

Good luck. Remember that they love you, and they want what’s best for you.

Try finding a counselor to talk to so you don’t keep your feelings all bottled up. You will feel a lot better!

:roflhard:

Seriously, it’ll all work out. The guy you’re seeing, if you feel strongly about him, then age hardly matters. case in point, my elder brother is married to someone who is 2 years younger than I, he’s 35, and she’s 29.

he’s def the best thing that has ever happened to me! and it’s not just stupid teenagers talk…everybody who knows about us thinks we make the perfect cpl!

thanks a lot! :slight_smile:
u guys are really cheering me up!

:roflhard: so true!

Something in side you tells you right from wrong. Follow your heart, just use your head in making choices.

If you say the heck with everyone else and do your own thing, just remember if it turns out wrong, you will have to take the blame. But if you live your life following other peoples dreams and wishes for your life, then if it doesn’t turn out you will blame them.

It depends how you handle responsibility. But life is short so sometimes a gut feeling can help you make decisions. Just be strong, it is sometimes hard to make everyone in your life happy at the same time along with yourself.

So, ya, keep your chin up.

auburnchick : well…I know my parents…they’d NEVER get any open minded…
I’d basically be bringing shame on them if I go ahead and marry that guy (someday)…or if i even move out! that’s how it is where they grew up and that’s how they’re always going to be!!
they don’t even like that I have friends from other origins that me!! that’s how closed-minded they are…

mare-nitt: I guess it would be better if I go with what I want then blame myself for it…cause you can’t really blame anybody else for ur decisions…even if ur decision was to do what they think…it’s still urs…

I wish I had some advice to offer you, but I can’t add to what’s been said. Except to say that my husband is 12 years older than me.

And a good cry can be very therapeutic!!! :hug:

Mason, you are too funny!! :roflhard:

:hug:I know it’s not as easy as it seems. I have a few friends in the same situation. It’s very hard on them.

This being said, you must live your own life. I don’t know how old you are, but if you’re a Canadian adult, you’re free to marry whoever you want. Your parents might not like all your choices, but I’m sure they love you, so they’ll learn to live with the choices you make. Good luck!

I won’t counsel you on the religious issues (I have my own strong opinions) but each one does according to how much they practice their own religion and how important they feel that will be in the future. Just remember…when you have kids, that may be a MAJOR bone of contention - you want to raise them one way, he wants it the other.

First of all, forget the age stuff! My DH is 12 years old than I and that’s all out the window by the time you’re in your 30s and 40s. Point is, how does he treat you? Be honest about it…you don’t have to answer here, just be honest with yourself, because blood IS thicker than water and you don’t need to complicate your life over someone who doesn’t [I][U][B][COLOR=Red]adore[/COLOR][/B][/U][/I]you - through thick or thin.

Once you answer that question I think all the others follow suit. In the end it’s all dust to dust, and no one will remember this 20 years from now…ESPECIALLY if they have to eat crow if he turns out to be the love of your life (like mine). NOT that we haven’t had our problems and major fights, but [B]in the end, we each feel we got better than we deserve, and THAT’S what’s going to take you through the rest of your life[/B].

:muah:

i dated a guy off-and-on for 8 years (through HS and part of college), and my parents worried so much about me marrying him – and i rebelled so much against them then! he turned out to be a great family man – for someone else. (but i knew he would be, so i was vindicated, in a way…)

but they really were watching out for my future – they wanted me to get out of our small town, experience big-city life, etc., and that wouldn’t have happened if i’d married him.

that said, sometimes parents know what’s best. and sometimes they don’t. that’s a matter for both your heart and your mind.

in the meantime, cry as often as you like! weep, whimper, or bawl your eyes out! nothing is more therapeutic. and really listen to yourself.

regarding your father’s health… a story: a previous boss once told me that he would give ANYTHING to have 5 more minutes with his father, who had recently passed. that really, really stuck with me.

iza: I am a canadian adult…but I just don’t wanna kill my dad u know…he could easily get a heart attack cuz of that…
thanks :slight_smile:

Arielluria: thank you…
and It’s always nice to hear about two people who really love each other…

about the religion part…of course I totally respect your beliefs…myself though, even though I do believe in a certain religion…and I very much believe in a greatest power (God)…It’s not a very big part of my life…mainly because there are quite a lot of parts in my religion that just doesn’t make sense…and I tend to believe that it was kindda modified by people since God wouldn’t send stuff like that (like how in my religion guys are fine marrying girls from other religions but girls cant)…
and I also believe that It’s actually a good thing for my future kids cause they’ll get to see and understand both our beliefs…and decide for themselves what to believe in!

and about him…even though I’m pretty young ive been though good relationships…and ive also been through an abusive one…and I’ve NEVER seen someone who treats me (or treats any other girl) as good as he does… he’s always there for me no matter what…he puts up with my emotional breakdowns that happens quite a lot cuz of my parents… he’d take as much time and effort as he could to help me with anything…and he’s given me love ive never had before…and made me feel special like nobody else have before…he’s just…perfect…
if he wasn’t…i would’nt have even gotten into this relationship…cause it’s waaaay too much effort and conflict and I’m normally an avoid-conflict kindda person…

I just wish my parents would understand cuz I wouldn’t wanna break their hearts(or possibly physically hurt them) for my happiness…cause that would be just plain selfish…

and I’m almost 100% sure they never will! (and im actually an optimistic person usually!)