Am I Over Reacting?

Lounge
1

So, my cousin is expecting a baby (due in mid February), so I thought I would knit a few little things for her and gave them to her along with a few other things at her baby shower last weekend. I haven’t had a chance to upload the pictures I took yet, but will post them when I have a chance.

I had knit a ribbed/cabled hat and matching mittens using some yarn I had on hand (KnitPicks Shine Sport, not that it really matters). As I was knitting the hat, I noticed that a few rows back I had accidently purled a stitch that I should have knit. I really hate to rip back for something small like that (if I had noticed the mistake while still on the same row, I would have gone back and fixed it but I didn’t want to go back several rows), and I figured that no one else would notice, so I just left it.

A few days after the shower, I heard from my sister that my cousin had noticed the [I]one[/I] wrong stitch and was apparently disappointed/bothered by it. She even went so far as to ask my sister to get me to fix it! Now, if I didn’t want to go back to fix it when I was only, say, three rows past the mistake, why would I want to rip out half the hat to fix it now?? And secondly, doesn’t that seem a little unappreciative?

I’m not particularly close with this cousin, and am feeling even less inclined to want to fix this [I]one[/I] stupid stitch now that I’ve heard what a big deal she’s making out of it (especially considering she didn’t even have the courtesy to speak to me personally about it!). I have no desire to make anything else for her, as I feel like I would be wasting my time making something for someone who doesn’t appreciate it.

I realize that was kind of a long rant! :teehee:

I guess my question is, do you all think I’m over reacting to this whole situation? Has anyone else experienced something similar? How did you handle it?

2

Yes, that is really shallow of her. If it really was a big deal to her she could just say thank you and then put it away. You don’t ask someone to “fix” a hand knit gift for one little stitch. If there was a big hole or seam had come loose that’s one thing, but this…not so much.

That said… I think I personally would have fixed it in the first place because it was a gift. I’m maybe weird that way though.:shrug:

3

Yeah, a gift for someone else I would probably fix it if it was obvious. For just one st you don’t have to rip back all the rows, drop the sts over it, do the one correctly and bring the sts back up.

But it was a little petty of your cousin maybe, she could have been more tactful about it.

4

I suppose I should have just fixed it in the first place … it was hardly noticeable the way that it fell in the ribbing pattern (you would have had to have been examining the stitches relatively closely) and I was trying to finish it in time for the shower, so I guess I took a short cut that I probably shouldn’t have since it [I]was[/I] a gift after all. I guess it just seems odd to me because if I had been in her position I wouldn’t have thought anything of it.

Perhaps I shouldn’t look at the situation so negatively … maybe I’ll just fix the thing and be done with it rather than wasting any more energy!

I think maybe one of my knitting resolutions this year should be to learn how to fix mistakes more efficiently! I’ve never been able to do the whole “drop one stitch down” fix very well … I could definitely use some practice with things like that. :knitting:

5

Well you can take some leftover yarn and cast on about 20 sts and make some mistakes in it. Purl a stitch that should have been knit, or put an accidental YO in or drop down 2 sts to put in a decrease.

6

Yes, I think I might make a practice swatch to try out some mistake fixing techniques! :knitting:

7

The tips page has some Fixing Mistakes videos, besides dropping sts on purpose, there’s how to reinsert a needle after you rip out and a couple others.

8

I don’t think you are over reacting. I think you are venting out of frustration from making a mistake, not fixing it and feeling guilty, and then have it rudely thrown in your face.

Honestly, I think it’s very rude and unappreciative of her and she’d never get another thing from me. I can not imagine 1 stitch causing an entire piece to cause such drama. Maybe you should reach out to her directly and just mention you thought it would be something special and if it’s a big deal, she can donate it where it will be used by it in a nice way.

I think all of your posted work is great. Knit items for someone who may find a mistake and consider it their own special part of you. It’s a reminder someone made this for you because it meant something to them.

Don’t beat yourself up over not fixing it. Everyone takes a shortcut at times. Learn from it and move on and know you are talented and appreciated elsewhere.

9

Legend has it that the Amish purposely leave in a “mistake” in every quilt to let the receiver know that it’s handmade. I go by that rule with my knitting. If I see a mistake a few rows down and it’s not tooooo bad, I’ll leave it in and if anyone notices it, I’ll tell them “it’s so you know it’s handmade.” I will fix it if it’s too horrible, but I leave in most of the little things thinking nobody will notice…or at least not point it out! (Yeah, the cousin was rude! It’s not like you wouldn’t know it was her who brought the hat back to be fixed! DUH!)

10

I have heard that about Amish quilts before! I guess that could apply to anything hand made … thanks! :hug:

11

I think your cousin is being rude.

I think it is rude to expect everyone to come bring you gifts just cause you are getting married/having a baby/moving into a new house etc. So when someone goes out of their way to give you something, it is pleasant unexpected gesture, not an expected demand of a gift.

I know that there are people who really appreciate handmade gifts, those who are indifferent, and those who don’t like them at all (my SIL is that way, but was nice enough to say “I don’t really wear knitted things, I will let you know if I need something”). But for someone to just sit back and critize, is disrespectful. IMHO of course…smiles

12

I agree with most posters here: she’s being tactless–okay, RUDE!

If she does give it back to you to “fix,” I would politely tell her that you’ll give it to someone else. Then, I’d be done with it!

I’m sorry if that sounds mean, but I’ve learned this lesson the hard way: Only make gifts for people who appreciate them.

13

I thought that the Amish deliberately make a mistake to show that they are not perfect, that only God is perfect.

14

That’s what I heard, too. Either way though they leave a “mistake” on purpose. :thumbsup:

15

She is being rude. If it bothers her that much, she can crochet or buy a little flower for it, and stick it on.

Or just tell her you’re joining an Old Amish order, and won’t be speaking to ‘the English’. :slight_smile:

16

Oh it is the perfect thing. Someone else said the thing about letting you know it’s handmade. I always get my little old tales wrong!

17

I agree with both Breezed and kellyh57. My husband thinks the mistakes are charming and let people know that it was made by me especially for them.

I also like the idea of asking her to give it to charity if she doesn’t like it. That should shut her up.

By the way, is this her first baby? I don’t have children myself but I understand that one little purl stitch on a warm baby hat won’t make a bit of difference in her life once she’s just trying to keep the baby clean, fed, warm and happy. She’s a bit ego-centric at the moment and that’s all about to change in a big way for her.

Laugh this off and don’t fix it. If she doesn’t like your “signature” pieces there are plenty of others who will.

18

My Dear, I wonder, like Sunshine’s mom, if this is a first baby for your cousin? If all that concerns her in the last weeks of her pregnancy is looking for other people’s tiny mistakes in a gift given with the best intentions, a gift that will no doubt be graced with every possible body fluid and relegated to the “doesn’t fit bag” in a month or so. Wow, this lady needs a big reality check!

However, you asked about your reaction. Well, that’s a very personal thing; it’s YOUR reaction. It’s what it is! Obviously you gave the gift and you’re suffering with all sorts of feelings - hurt ones - if I read you correctly.

If’s and maybe’s are just like coulda, woulda, shouldas. There are zillions of those in the past (I know I’ve had lots), but you’re in the now. So what will it take to make you feel better and resolve the issue? (These days I just consider, DO I REALLY GIVE A RAT’S HINDQUARTERS IF SHE SHOWS UP AT MY FUNERAL?!!!)

I’m thinking, IT’S A STITCH FOR THE LUVVA MIKE!!! You don’t want to hear the rest.

I wonder if your cousin “you’re not very close to” is a knitter and maybe thinks you gave her a reject because you don’t care that much? Who knows? Maybe she has hurt feelings too.

I know I wouldn’t swim in these feelings for long. I’d call her and tell her I had no idea there was a mistake. I’m a much better knitter than that and ask, “How can I fix it?” I’d go with that.

Then I’d sit back and contemplate (only in my mind of course) how much I’d love to send her husband a sympathy card on their anniversary. After all he’s the poor schlump married to a perfectionist. Think he’ll ever be happy?

Then the poster who suggested sticking something. Perhaps I’d consider something like that but not as nicely as Debkcs did. I’ll think whatever it takes to make me smile. Oh my, I should never get started, but then - can’t be arrested for our thoughts. . . . as long as they’re not in our computer history. Oh damn! I did it again. There’s another one of my shoulda, coulda, woulda’s wasted!
Jean
P.S. When I give a gift I’ve knitted I always tell the “givee” that I’ve made the gift especially for them - it’s probably flawed (just like me) and unique (just like you) and that makes it unlike any other in the world. I’ve never had a problem like yours.

19

I kind of agree it was really shallow of her. Yes I prefer to give things that I make perfect but we all make mistakes - that is what makes it uniquely from us. A hand made gift is always the best in my opinion.

My husband has a Aunt when we were young and having our children and she loved to crochet. The only problem was that everything was always crooked. We would always gratiously thank her for the gift and then later - much, much later I would unravel the item and use the yarn for something else.

I think it very poor taste for your cousin to do this.

flhusker

20

She is certainly not a knitter … in fact, I doubt she has ever made anything by hand and probably has no idea what kind of time and work goes into these sorts of things.

I suppose it’s possible that her feelings were hurt … but knowing her as well as I do, I feel like it is much more likely that this was her way of throwing my mistake in my face and garnering some attention for herself among our other family members who perhaps don’t see through her behaviour quite as well as I do.

I love your explanation of how your knitted items are usually flawed and unique and therefore made especially for someone! This probably wouldn’t have worked on this particular cousin, but I will certainly remember it in the future! :hug: