A problem about making gifts

I have a situation that maybe some of you have had in your knitting experiences. I guess I am a bit thin skinned about it, but truth be told it hurts.

I have made several things for a certain person for birthday or Christmas or whatever. The articles are not crummy, they look well made, not like some I Love Lucy episode or something. They aren’t really fancy either. They are mostly sweaters. In fact, one of the items was actually a request and I worked long and hard on it having to have help from knitting friends with a particularly difficult direction. Each time I made something for this person, she shows me something her expert knitter friend made for her or shows me this woman’s blog so I can see what beautiful things she has made. I know I have not ventured into the lovely lace patterns so many of you have accomplished or even tried my hand at cables and difficult patterns as such, but I know many of you here have seen the things I have made for others and I don’t believe they are inferior. I would almost make bets she takes what I make to the friend’s so she can pick it apart so to speak. My gut tells me she does.

I have decided not to make this person anything else because to tell the truth always being shown what she thinks I obviously can’t do compared to her friend plain hurts my feelings.

Do you think I am being unfair by deciding not to do more for this person? Any of you come across a situation like this at all?

I wouldn’t make her anything else. Teach her to knit. Then she can see what actually goes into a knitted piece–the time, angst and money.

I have a feeling that she has no clue.

No, I think you did the right thing. Either teach her to knit like Ingrid said, or tell her to ask her “expert” knitter friend to make whatever she wants you to make. Your hard work should not be put down by this non-knitter- that’s just rude. Knit for people that appreciate it, usually other knitters appreciate your hard work best.

:hug:I find her attitude insensitive and rude. You have the generosity of using your hobby to make gifts for friends and family, if she can’t see how much heart you put into this, she doesn’t deserve it.

This has nothing to do with being a non-knitter. It has everything to do with being an ungracious and unthankful gift receiver. I would not only not knit for her any longer, I would choose not to give her “real” gifts any longer either. She would be receiving only gift cards from me from now on (once I was no longer mad at her!).

My four yo dd receives gifts far more graciously than that!

I’m so sorry you’re having to deal with such snobbery. Friends should not be insensitive (on purpose) like that.

Have you ever tried telling her that it hurts your feelings when she compares your knitted items to her other friend’s? She should know how it makes you feel. Knitting for others is not a competition. It’s an act of love.

I agree that you should not knit items for her any more. Get her something different or not at all. Maybe just a card. Watch for opportunities to do other things for her…if she’s sick, take a meal or run to the grocery store. You can still be nice, but in different ways.


Misty, my dh keeps telling me give her gift cards, which she has told me she thinks is an insensitive gift! lol

I imagine future gifts from me will be totally impersonal from now on. As for those asking if I have talked to her about it, let’s just say she is a person who not only doesn’t take criticism well, but comes back at you with venom so I try to minimize the hurt. Thanks for your kind thoughts that I wasn’t being overly sensitive!

There’s your answer! It is much nicer than the one I would have given you. :wink:

Gosh Nonny - I am so sorry. I love what AuburnChick said about knitting not being a competition but an act of love. I only knit for people that are on my “knitworthy list”. Hard to get on my list and very easy to get bumped!!! But if I spend my time putting love in every stitch I want it to be appreciated - if not they get a bottle of wine or a gift card!

Please do not let an ungrateful person hurt your feelings… she is not worthy of you.

nope, you are not being thin-skinned! Everyone should be gracious with any gift. Makes me think of the cartoon movie “Mickey’s Twice Upon A Christmas” when Donald Duck is being so rude and for Christmas Santa brings him the “Great Big Book of Manners!” :slight_smile: Knit something beautiful for yourself, tell her you were going to give it to her, but you loved it too much and you thought you deserved it!

I guess I don’t agree with all that has been said. You don’t mention if she thanks you for the gifts you have made her. Perhaps she just shows you her other friend’s knitting because she thinks you might be interested. Maybe she is just dense and does not realize that you are offended by this. From what you have written it really does not sound like she is intentionally trying to hurt your feelings.

It’s up to you whether you want to knit her anything else, but maybe let her know how you feel.