A Little Sad

I was sitting here in the hotel when I got a call from JoAnn. We were together for 7 years. She’s the last relationship I had and we split up in the early part of '04.

She still calls me from time to time although I have no idea why. To me it’s kinda like pouring salt in a wound.

The only reason we split up was because she wanted to get married and I didn’t. That’s pretty much the gist of it.

I enjoyed hearing from her in a way, but in a way it just makes me kinda sad. I have no idea why she still calls after all this time.

:hug:

Because she still loves you.:shrug:

i’m sure she misses you! knowing that doesn’t make it easier, of course…:hug:

I think she must still care for you at least as a friend and your being said says that maybe you still care for her, too. Things don’t always work out though and I can understand why you’re a little sad. :hug::hug::hug:

Thanks folks. Yes, we both still care, it wasn’t a lack of caring that caused us to split up. Probably why I haven’t had a relationship since.

:hug:

…umm…Perhaps because she wanted to get married and you didn’t? :slight_smile:

Have the pair of you thought of getting back together but dealing with either your perspective on marriage or hers on marriage. Would you have a commitment ceremony for example Mason that isn’t a marriage ceremony as such…but just a vow commitment to each other? None of my business but it sounds like a bit of a shame.

Honestly, the fault is all mine. I was married once, for 13 years, and simply don’t want to be involved in that kind of relationship again.

She’s a very caring and “nice” person. She deserves better than someone like me.

Mason…although I am loathe to generally offer…well…generalisations about genders and people…I have to admit I find that many men suffer dreadfully after a marriage break up. I know we hear a lot about one type of man vis First Wives Club etc :slight_smile: (and there are a lot of them about) but I know men, like you, who are marvelous and who have SO much to offer but who drastically short change their lives because that first break up took such a horrid toll on them. When they think about another relationship they remember that and recoil; scared to death of going through it again.

As I said, it’s none of my business but there are ways to deal with these concerns and feelings and, putting yourself down Mason…well…its not the answer (if you don’t mind my saying so). Doing this excuses you from moving forward and is so very negative. Ok, we may have disagreed on one issue here but in the main I find you smart, witty, responsive. I’d like to see you believe in that and live it out rather than staying in a position of being down.

I used to often feel the way you do until a counselor told me I was being ridiculously self indulgent. Gosh that was a shock LOL It IS very hard to get over these feelings I know…but I reckon the past can only win if you let it.

Be good to yourself Mason and at least rejoice that this lovely lady has the capacity to regard you well.

Seriously, Mason, if she’s still calling you, I would think, to her mind at least, there is NOTHING better than you.

As a person of the female persuasion…heres my thought.

If I had a great relationship with a guy, but split up amicably, time passed…

I might call that person, just to see if things had changed…if there was a chance for something new.

:hug:

Thanks folks. I don’t think she’s fishing for a restart, she’s just that kind of person. Hell, she still has dinner with her ex husband’s parents from time to time.

:slight_smile: Heh…I on the other hand know no-one from a past relationship life. Funny old world isn’t it Mason :slight_smile:

hugs Really sucks when you love each other but want different things from life. My last partner and I split for that reason. And I know what you mean about the sad bit - my first love and I once got to talking, years and years after the breakup, and he told me that he’d had an engagement ring for me all those years ago, ready to ask (before his ex (his first love… hmm… meat loaf song anyone?) turned up and he was a boy and went off with her so she could break his heart again).

The idea of it made me sad - I didn’t want to go back to him, but there’s some little part of you that wonders what might have happened if you both had made different choices. And it’s a kind of long-term grieving for something lost - we forget too often at the end of a relationship that it was good for a while. Grieving for that part of it is the same as any grief, you get on with your life, move on, do other things, but sometimes it still makes you sad.

Ramble ramble, sorry :wink:
hugs again
Fi xxx

willowangel…Nicely put. When I first made my big seachange I started to think…even to dream!..of someone I used to know who I hankered after. It started to bug me and I was oh so so tempted to call them. I didn’t and I decided I wouldn’t until I have achieved a few things (and hopefully by then the desire will fade). But I think part of my desire was a little grief, a little bit of feeling the full brunt of the change of life direction and craving a bit of the old world that was comfortable in a way and ‘known’. When I think of that now I know a lot of that world WAS good and was worth feeling fond about…but…I have moved on.

I’ve been in this situation before - it’s a toss-up because I missed that person yet it reopened a wound to hear from that person again.

I’m trying to put myself in her place to see if I know why she called - idk, I think maybe just to say hi because at that moment she thought of you, still considers you a friend, and remembers the good times, and, well, just that. sorry Mason, real deep, aren’t I? :wink: :lol: but seriously, she could really be missing you - or - she could just be reminding you that you’re a pleasant memory in her life.

I know you didn’t ask for advice but I just wanted to tell you I know how that feels and yes, a little sad is perfectly natural. :hug:

I think it’s sort of a shame, too.

Just my opinion, but ya’ll were together for 7 years and I’m assuming that you were good friends. so maybe when she calls she’s just needing to talk to someone she knows is a friend? This thread just totally smashed my theory of truckers having a girl in every state… :wink: