I had to think a bit on this one...4am when I cant sleep seems now the PERFECT time to gather my thoughts! :lol:
DH and I struggled with infertility as well....I have PCOS (and Im glad to "check in" on FG from time to time!) and tried for some years to get pregnant unsuccessfully. We finally decided to "take a break" when I was about to lose my MIND. SO, I know where your friend may be at emotionally.
That said, I do not think it is your responsibility to set limits for what she can stand to expose herself to. It sounds to me like the others in your group may be trying to protect her. If that is the case, then while they may have the best of intentions, they are IMHO misguided. When I was in my most emotionally vulnerable state, if someone had tried to "baby" me (no pun intended) I would have been PO'ed!
People have all kinds of "good intentions" toward those they know are having issues TTC. "OH honey, if you just RELAX and dont think about it, you'll get pregnant" "Have you thought about adoption?" "Maybe it's just not meant to be...God works in mysterious ways, you know" All of these are pieces of advice that I heard over and over and over....from people that had NO IDEA what I was going through. If relaxing got someone pregnant, Id have a couple of baseball teams by now. Adoption is SUCH a personal issue...one that did NOT make me feel better about the way my body was rebelling against me. They have not much to do with each other. AND, that last one, well, you might as well say to someone, "Maybe Jesus doesnt WANT you to have a baby!" :rollseyes:
Anyway, I had to set my OWN limits, depending on my emotions. There were times that I could not BEAR to go to a baby shower, and then there were times I truly thought I was FINE, but suddenly broke down in tears at a family Christmas party because I was watching my cousins' kids playing.
I could not avoid "life", which included LOTS of preggo people. For one, my SIL, who has the same health issue as I do, became pregnant 4 months before her wedding. Yes, I was feeling all kinds of conflicting emotions, but she's my SIL...I love her and I ADORE my niece. I have since the day I found out she was a little zygote. SIL was SO afraid to even TELL me she was pregnant....I was very glad to have a long talk with her about it. I was honest with her about my feelings of jealousy. She understood that there may be times that I wanted to experience pregnancy vicariously through her and that I wanted her to tell me about every twinge, swollen ankle and craving, and other times that I might just look at her and tear up. I asked her not to hold that against me. I was SO lucky to have her understanding. She has always been SO good about sharing Ella with me...In fact, after Ella was born, I was one of the few who could get her to sleep! I would see SIL giving me "looks" out of the corner of her eye that kinda said "I am SO glad that Kelly is Ella's favorite"...its like she knew I needed that baby, too.
OK - sorry about rambling. Bottom line, I think you should talk to Mrs C. Tell her that your other well-meaning friends have worried about her reaction to your TTC. Ask her how she feels and ask her how much she wants to hear about it from you. Tell her, too, that she is such a good friend and that it hurts you to think about not being able to share any of your happiness and/frustration with her. I think you should work out a plan so that you can both be sensitive to each other...you wont be overwhelming to her (IF that's how she's feeling) and she wont be resentful of your happiness, which you certainly deserve to express when you see that BIG OLD +++.
BEST of luck to you, Tia....I hope I was able to help!